


When I need you the most

by FreyaDuLac



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, Female Merlin, Magic Revealed, Mind Palace, Original Character(s), Post-Magic Reveal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2018-11-21 06:56:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11352207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreyaDuLac/pseuds/FreyaDuLac
Summary: Merlyn and Prince Arthur was in secret relationship, they was in love... they were waiting for time when they could be together, but then Merlyn's Magic was revealed. It changed everything... and so little in the same time.





	1. Prisoner

**Author's Note:**

> **WARNING - CONTENT OF RAPE ATTEMPT**  
> It is not very described, but there is one.

_\- Merlyn! - He shouted, looking at her. He was bleeding, they were surrounded by bandits. They planned to spend that day away from Camelot, somewhere where they could be themselves. He wanted her to run away, to leave him... but he knew that she wouldn't do that, she was too stuborn, he loved that in her. She was so selfless, as she could save everyone. She saved him in some way. With her wonderful smile. _

_\- Forgive me... - she said. What he should forgive her? What was she planning to do? He looked at her with confiusion. Then, he heard her voice, her sweet voice saying something in this squalid, magic language. Her eyes were like on fire, all bandits flew away, he looked at them. They all seemed to be knock out, or... dead. No... no... his Merlyn was not murderer, she was not a sorceress. She came to him, and was trying to check his wound. _

_\- Leave me, sorceress. - he was terrified, of her, of her magic. Magic took his mother, it corrupted Morgana. It corrupted his sweet Merlyn, his innocent, clumsy, wonderful Merlyn. He didn't know what he should do, he was scared. Truly, he was scared of her. He saw pain in her eyes, tears. She wanted to make him pity of her? How didn't he saw that she was manipulating him?_

_\- Please, let me save you. - her voice was trembling. He tried to move, but pain was unbearable. Then, he heard her, speaking in this language again... she wanted to kill him? But then he felt relief. Wound was not so painful anymore. He raised up, and looked at her. She was still on her knees, she was looking on the ground. She took her long hair from her neck, exposing it. She was wainting for execution. She thought that he would kill her. He should. She has magic. Magic is evil. He... can't. _

_ \- Why?  _

_ \- It was only way to save you. - she said with calm in her voice.  _

_ Arthur didn't knew how he should react. He was torn.  _

_ \- We are going back to Camelot, Mer-sorceress.  _

Arthur put Merlyn in dungeons, where she was waiting for his judgement. He was Prince Regent now, he knew that his father would show any signs of mercy for her. He should do the same, for protecting his kingdom. He saw many times as magic-users did terrible things. But... he couldn't kill her. He couldn't even look at her now. Seeing her face without smile, in dungeons, accused of treason and magic. It was to painful. He wanted so badly to find in her his Merlyn, but he couldn't see anyone alse than sorceress. How long was she using magic? How long did she lie to him? Only Merlyn could answer to that, but he couldn't ask her.  


He was sitting in his room, on the edge of his bed. Room was in mess, Merlyn didn't show up today to clean this... and probably, she will never do this again. He should find new servant, this shouldn't be problem... but he knew that this is not about servant, it was about his feelings for her. He could replace the servant, but finding someone like her? With her way of laugh, her smile. Someone who will be always with him, on his side, even if he was walking to certain death. Now he wondered if she was truly for him, or it was part of her plan, she must have some plan. 

Then, he heard knocking to his room. He didn't want to see anyone, but he forced himself to say "Enter". He stood up, and looked at the man, who entered his room. Sir Lancelot. Merlyn's best friend. Even his own knight made him thinking about her again. He should not thinking about this... sorceress. 

\- Sire... - he welcomed his Prince with bowing his head. 

\- Sir Lancelot. 

\- I wanted to talk with you, my Lord. - Lancelot started, Arthur knew what will be the subject of this corversation, but he asked anyway. 

\- About? 

\- Merlyn... We-I... want to know what are you planning, sire. - his voice was unsertain. We? In whose else name he was talking now?  The all knights? Merlyn always was close with them, never in... romantic way, but they all knew her and liked her, before they realised that she is liar. 

\- I don't decided yet. - Arthur answered with empty voice, and turned to window. They both was silent, Arthur heard when Lancelot sighed hard, Arthur thought that Lancelot will leave after that, but he was wrong. 

\- Are you planning to give her chance to explain herself?

Arthur took his time to give him an answer. 

\- And what would she say? Another lies? Manipulations? - He murmured. 

\- You really thinking about her in this way? - Lancelot was suprised, how Arthur could think that Merlyn would betray him. She was the most loyal person that Lancelot have ever met. She would sacrafice her own life for him, even before she fell in love with Arthur. Prince looked at his knight. 

\- And what are you thinking about her? - he asked, he was no hurt about Merlyn's lies? Lancelot sighed again, and looked in Arthur's eyes. Arthur prepeared himself for something like "I don't care, she is still our Merlyn" or something like that. Some words of blinded man. 

\- I knew. I knew about her magic since my first visit in Camelot. - Lancelot's voice was confident, he stood upright. 

\- What? - Arthur was shocked, and felt another wound on his heart. Lancelot knew? She lied to him, but not to Lancelot? Was she his love of life, or Lancelot's?! Probably Merlyn even don't love him. Thinking about this... hurted.

\- Griffin cannot be kill by any weapon, it can be only killed by magic. She had never told me, but it was hard not to notice blue flames on my lance. - He answered, remembering that moment. 

She have never told him, he figured it out himself. It was some comfort, not much but something. Did he tell, that Merlyn casted a spell infront of him, almost strange man, without knowing how he would react? She was mad or stupid? No... she was reckless, like his Merlyn. That was Merlyn who killed the Griffin? Why? Why did she do that? Arthur was silent, so Lancelot started to talking again. 

\- It was not her first time, when she saved the day. I told her once, that she is the one, who you should knighted. She is the bravest of us all, and you even don't know that. She answered me, that you can't know. That this is the way things has to be... I always thought, that she is wrong, that you would honored her doings for Camelot... I guess, she was right after all... as always. - Lancelot snorted, looking at Arthur, and then he turned to the doors, planing to leave Arthur's chambers. Arthur looked at him with shock. What he was talking about? Merlyn the bravest of them all? Sure, she had sometimes some stupid-brave ideas, but nothing more. 

\- We had never gone to cut down the warning bell, you know? - Lancelot said, standing infront of the doors. At first, Arthur didn't know what about Lancelot was talking, but then he realised that it is about fighting with Morgana - Merlyn's plan was to find the cup of life and split the blood within it. She wanted to go alone, didn't want to put you at risk. She was the one, who destroyed the second undead army... from what I know, defeating of the first one was her doing too. She fought many fights alone, I always wonder if she remember that there is all bunch of people, waiting for her safe return... sometimes I thought that she is forgeting about it. Now I relised, that She knew better, that she would have to pay for her good heart - Lancelot said everything what had on mind, and left the chambers, Arthur wanted to stop him, but he was speechless. 

How much he didn't knew about his lov-Merlyn, about Merlyn. Did he truly know her? He have thought about her as cocky peasant girl, next was awful servant, then... she became his friend, somebody who saw person in him, before she saw prince. Then, he fell in love with her. Few days ago, he learned that that was all lies, he thought that she is evil sorceress, and now he learned that she was some bloody savior of all Camelot? What should he do? Lancelot's speech confused him, destroyed white-black picture where Magic was evil and Law was good. 

He decided to talk to her... give her chance to explain herself, as Lancelot was talking. He was not sure if he was ready to saw her, but he had to. If there was truth in Lancelot's words... He owed her at least that much. He went to the dungeons, he was suprised that there was no guards on the entrance, that made him doubtful. She  escaped? Where was the guards? He walked through the corridor, when he heard someone talking. 

\- Come on baby, spread you lovely legs for daddy. - the voice was repulsive. Only after few seconds Arthur realised what was happening. He heard sound of torn material. He jumped into the Merlyn's cell, where he found two guards, one of them was kneeling before Merlyn, destroying her dress, the dress with Arthur gave her for birthday. She always wore the same clothes, one day he decided, that she deserves something better than that, Gwen helped him choice the dress. Merlyn loved it. And now it was torn, by his own guard, by his own man. 

\- What is goin' on here? - Arthur asked with sharp voice. Ohh, he exacly knew what had they planned to do, he was furious. The thought, that if Lancelot didn't talk to him, if he didn't come here to talk to Merlyn, they would hurt her drove him crazy. He looked at Merlyn, she was unconscious, he didn't knew why. Did they do this to her? He wanted to kill them all. They tried to made excuses for themselves, but Arthur was too angry to even listen them. Arthur took from them keyes fr the cells, and next took Merlyn on his hands, closing the quards inside the cell, and without word, he took Merlyn away from this place. He took her to Gaius, he had to know why she is unconscious. She didn't look like they bit her, so something they had to to. 

\- Gaius! - he shouted in the doors, and put her on the table. Gaius looked at Prince, and his ward, he run (as fast as he could) to the table, and looked at his dauther, firstly he was looking for wounds. 

\- What happened? - Gaius asked. 

\- I wanted to talk to her and I... found the guards in her cell, they wanted... - Arthur couldn't say it. It stuck in his throat, but Gaius figured it out. He stopped looking for wounds, when he found, that Merlyn's hands are still in anti-magic-handcuffs. 

\- My dear... - his voice was pitful. 

\- What? Why is she unconscious? 

\- BECAUSE YOU MADE HER THAT WAY. - Arthur have never heard Gaius was so angry as he was then. 

\- What? No... I 

\- You could as well starve to death or suffocate. - Gaius snorted. - Merlyn is not ordinary sorceress, she have never learn magic, she was born with it. It is part of her. This handcuffs are killing her. 

Gaius knew... he should expected that. Merlyn... never learn magic? It was even possible to be born with magic? That changes things... but why she came to Camelot? Why did she risk so much? Arthur took the keyes, and wanted to take off the handcuffs, but Gaius stopped him. Arthur looked at him with strange expression. 

\- She was cut of her magic... when you open it, she can... choke, her own magic. She could be not able to control it. - Gaius warned. 

\- But if I don't put them off, it will kill her? 

\- Yes, sire. 

Arthur without second thought oppened the handcuffs. Merlyn gasped and opened her eyes wide, her body bent unnaturally, and her eyes went amber. The whole chamber shook, the fire in the candles created long flames. She was looking for every way to relase her magic it went completly wild. She started to scream from pain, and the whole Castle felt it, when all walls was shaking, glass was breaking it took few minutes, before Merlyn stopped and then, she fell unconscious again. He made her suffer like this... he still was hurt about her lies, he wanted her to explain herself, but when he looked at her, she was so vulnerable, he knew that is not the truth, but she looked that way. She was so in pain, because of him. Gaius started to examine her. 

\- Will sh-she be alright? - Arthur hoped, begged in his mind to Gaius, to give him positive answer. 

\- I don't know... I hope so. Merlyn's magic is unique, It is hard to say.  


	2. Letter

Arthur looked at Merlyn, who was unconscious again. His fingers gently touched her face, pulling away a strand of her hair. How long was she in that state? Why nobody told him about her? She was given food everyday, probably someone visited her... and nobody told him about that she is dying? He was staring at her face, when somebody entered Gaius' chamber. Arthur looked at visitor.

\- Sire, we are under magic attack... - Leon started talking, but then he looked at Arthur, Gaius and... Merlyn. She was not in dungeons, he missed something, without doubt. Arthur gave him cold look.

\- At ease, everything is under control. - Prince's voice was numb, but then He remembered something, and looked at his first knight with anger in his eyes. - No, no everything. Your guards are not under control I quess. - Arthur voice was sharp. Leon was responsible for the city guard. It was his fault that his people wanted hurt his Merlyn. _No... it is my fault, I put her there first._ But she has magic, she is evil. He shouldn't care about her, so why he still care about this liar? He have never been so torn, between his beliefs and his heart. This always should be one and the same, but not this time. Leon was shocked, he didn't know what Arthur had on mind, so he hastened with clarification.

\- Your Guards wanted to rape her. - Arthur hissed.

Leon looked at Arthur with mix of feelings, He was shocked, he has always chosed carefully his guards, He couldn't belive someone could do that, knowing how much Arthur cares about Merlyn. It wasn't official relationship, but gossips spreeded quickly, when people saw how they are behaving when they are together, they was trying to hide it, but they was awful about it. The act itself was disgusting, and they will be punish, but also he knew that Arthur will not allow this to end on basic punishment, even if Merlyn was sorceress. Leon looked at her, she was still unconscious and looked pale than usual, her dress was torn, proof of Arthur's words. 

\- I will deal with this, my lord. - he said, trying to calm Arthur down. 

\- Good - he murmured, and looked again at Merlyn. She looked anxiously, drops of sweat appeared on her forehead. Gaius checked her temperature, she was hot, and started saying something, but it was incomprehensible. Physician ws trying to beat her temperature with cold compress, it was everything he could do. 

\- I..I... can't - she whispered. 

It was fever, only she knew what she had on mind by telling this. Arthur looked at her with guilty in his eyes, he has never wanted this. Even in his darker moments when he thought about executing her, He wanted her do die quick, without pain. He's never wanted her to suffer. Gaius looked at Arthur, Prince knew that he is blaiming him for Merlyn's state. No suprise. Athur blamed himself too. 

\- You should leave, sire and you Sir Leon. I will inform you when Merlyn's state will change. - Physician voice was very formal. Arthur always knew that everybody close to him used this tone, when they was angry at him. Merlyn always called him "sire"  or "my lord" only when she was angry at him. Arthur wanted to stay with her, but he knew that he couldn't spend all day at her side, even if he wanted it so badly. Both men nodded, and turned to the doors. - Please, If you meet Gwen, tell her I need her help. - Gaius said when Prince and Knight was leaving. They both nodded again, and left the room. Arthur tried to focus on his duties, but only person he could think about was Merlyn. What is he planning to do, when she wake up. She can be danger to the Camelot now, even if she is unaware of this. She is powerful, he know that now. Things she did.... she made all Castle shaking! She looked like possesed when he had opened her handcuffs. He should talk with Gaius about her magic, what exacly she is... who she is. _Really? You are thinking about her "it"?_ Arthur sighed hard. He didn't know what He should be thinking, his judgment can't be honest, because many things. His feelings, his beliefs, that she almost died today and still is unconscious.   


He left his chambers, and went to the Gaius. He knew that Gaius would told him, if Merlyn woke up, so He knew that she is still out. But he wanted to check how she is feeling, if she still has a fever. He was worried. How he can be worried if not long time ago he thought about her 'it'? Understanding his feelings for her now was beyond him. Maybe she put spell on him? Love charm? No... she wouldn't do that, would she?

He entered the Physician's chambers, and looked around. There was no one in main room. 

\- Gaius? - he asked. 

\- Here. - answer was quick, it was coming from Merlyn's room, so he went there. She was lying on the bed, she looked better than before, calm, like she was sleeping. She wore nightgown on straps, probably Gaius needed Gwen's help to change Merlyn's clothes. He has never seen her naked arms, she always wore everything with long sleeve. He knew that it doesn't fit to the woman to uncover much of her body, but she was servantgirl, she woked hard, sometimes in real hot. He saw few times, when women in work pulled up their sleeve, or wore something with short sleeve, but not Merlyn. She always was wrapped, he never put attention about it, now he realised that. Even when they have some... closer moments, they've never gone that far, she didn't want to. He understanded that as she wanted to wait for time when they will be truly together, or they will be marriage, he didn't push. 

\- How is she? 

\- The fever passed, but she didn't wake up. She had some... attacks, but nothing so powerful like first time. - Gaius answered, washing Merlyn's face with a damp cloth, Arthur only nodded. He wanted to ask about so many things, but he didn't know how to start. What question should be first? He looked at Merlyn, then he saw a scar on her decolletage, looks like after burn. It was only a fragment, rest was under her clothes, then he looked at her uncovered body more carefully, realising how many scars she had on her body. He heard Lancelot's voice in his head. _She fought many fights alone, I always wonder if she remember that there is all bunch of people, waiting for her safe return... sometimes I thought that she is forgeting about it._ He was terrified. How many did she suffered, and he didn't know about it? 

\- Gaius... from where does she have so many scars? - his voice was uncertain, Gaius sighed hard. 

\- From fights, from saving your life, or Camelot. I don't know story behind all of them, she doesn't always speak what happened. I can only guess. - He answered, looking at her with sadness. 

\- And which one do you know?  - Arthur wanted to know. Lancelot said that she defeted both immortal armies, he can't belive in that still. Gaius looked at him, and then looked at Merlyn. He knew that Merlyn is the one who should talk with Arthur about her scars, about her doings for Camelot. But she can't now, and it is chance to help her. Change Arthur's view, so He must try, so he decided to told something important, something to show Merlyn's selflessness, loyalty and courage.

\- This one, from burning. I told you, and your father that bitting of Questing Beast is deadly, when you were bitten, that was not me, who find the cure. - Gaius started telling the story. Again, Merlyn left the credit to someone else? Killing the Griffin she left for Lancelot, Finding cure for Gaius? How often did she do something like that? 

\- She went to the Isle of the Blessed, to bargain for your life. - Arthur gasped when he'd heard that.

\- Bargain? - He asked. How someone can bargain for someone else life. He didn't know the rules of the magic. 

\- To save the life, the life must be taken. This is one of rules of the Old Religion. - Gaius answered. Arthur heard one this words, from Morgause, when she created a illusion of his mother, to turn him against his father, but now Gaius confirmed that this rule is real. - She wanted to exchange, her life for yours. - Gaius continued. Arthur should expect that, but still it was shocking for him. Then, they were... maybe friends, they definitely weren't in love, but she wanted to give her life for his. Why? 

\- But, the Witch, which she met there, tricked her. She took her mother's life. - Gaius said, making Arthur more horrified. Merlyn's Mother? But she was well, wasn't she? Merlyn's mother died for him? - I knew that Merlyn will try again, so... I overtook her. I went to the Isle of The Blessed, and exchange my life for Hunith's. 

How did nobody notice that? This wave of death that He caused? Why did nobody tell him?! Why did Merlyn want to play a hero?! Why people die for him so willingly? 

\- Promis' me, if you g't another... servant, don't g' a bootlicker. - Merlyn whispered with sleeping voice. For moment, Arthur thought that she woke up, that he would have chance to talk with her, but she was still sleeping. She missed few words or letters, she was still sleeping, but somehow she was hearing them. Arthur remembered this conversation. When Merlyn came to him after the woke up, he thought that she wanted to leave her job, that she had enough of dangerous missions, but now he realised... She was saying it, because she thought that she will die soon. He couldn't get a bootlicker, he couldn't get another servant, he wanted her at his side even then. Gaius smiled sad, when Merlyn was whispering, and then he countinued. 

\- I was dead, I don't know what happened exacly, but Merlyn fought with Nimueh, the High Pristess of the Old Religion, she managed to defeated her, and exchange her life for mine. That is mark after Nimueh's fireball... normal person would be dead after that. 

She fought with Nimueh, alone. 

\- Why? Why is she doing that? Saving my life, or Camelot? Why? - his voice was desperate, he wanted to understand why love of his life wanted to put her life at risk for him and his kingdom. Kingdom, where people like her are hated. 

\- I... think that i'm not the one who should be answering that, but when she came to Camelot, she was looking for purpose for her magic, and she found it in being your protector. She had never used it against you. - Gaius said, and he stood up, and left the room, leaving them alone. Arthur sat next to her on her bed, and took gently her hand, it was cold. He was sitting in silence for a while, fighting with his own thoughts and looking at the visiable scars on her body. He felt guilty, why does she have to suffer for him? Because of him. He didn't deserve her. He started to realise that he would be dead a long, long time ago if not her. 

\- Merlyn... I don't know if you hear this, but I have to say it. I'm sorry, for all of this. For everything that you had to survive. Please, wake up. World would be awfully empty without you. - he smiled, but it was sad smile. He wanted to cry. - I still have my doubts, but I should give you a chance, talk with you... not putting you in handcuffs that almost... - he couldn't finish his thought, he couldn't say it loud, that he almost killed her. 

\- Please, wake up... Give me a chance, to talk to you, to... make things right, give us one more chance. - he said desperatly, looking at her face. He smiled a little bit, and then kissed her forehead, then he left her room, and returned to his chambers. Visting Gaius had to give him some answers, but it made only more questions, more problems, more doubts. If Magic could be used in good way, why did he only meet with the bad one? Did he ever met someone who used magic for good? His Father had to had some reasons to fighting with magic. He always tell him how magic can corrput person, but Merlyn was born with it. He didn't ask Gaius about it, probably he wouldn't answered that and told him that Merlyn is the one who should be telling him about everything. He would be right. He should be talking with Merlyn, but he can't. 

Next few days was agony for him, Merlyn didn't wake up, she had her attacks. Many nobles was trying to convince Arthur to kill her in sleep, execute her without looking at her poor state. She was breaking the law, comitted treason and her attacks was dangerous to Camelot. But Arthur didn't want to hear about it. He keep telling them that she deserve fair trail, when she will be in full health, but he knew, that he can't trun their eyes forever. But then, on the late evening, when he came back to his chambers, he noticed a letter on his bed. He raised his brow and took the scrap of parchment. 

_ My Lord,  _

He recognised the writing, it was Merlyn's.  


_ I woke up, but I'm still dangerous. I don't know what is happening with my magic, I has to find a way to heal myself, take control again. I know, that you probably don't care, that you want me to be burned at pyre, but my destiny is to protect you, and I will not abandon my duty, but for now, I'm danger to you and everybody around me. I know my place, I'm only sorceress to you, you made this clear... I have always afraid of that, that you will hate me for something I was born with it, for who I am. Maybe one day something will change, maybe I will be welcomed in Camelot again, but for now I has to find a way to set things right. I don't know what your handcuffs have done to me, but there has to be way to reverse it. If you want to hunt me down, well... you can trying, probably when you are reading this, I'm far away. I will come back, I has to. Even if this mean to be executed, I will be always helping you from the shadows.  _

_ Your loyal servant,  _

_ Merlyn.  _

He sat on his bed... this letter was so... formal. He felt angry, that she left without seeing him. He wanted to talk to her! Merlyn probably now would say something like "You Prat! You can't always get what you want". He wanted her to tell him, that he is a prat, she even could titled this letter that way. He didn't realised how much he wanted that, on the begining, he was angry about it, that she hadn't respected his authority, now he didn't want that, He wanted so badly come back to the past, where he was her prat, and she was his clumsy servant. But no, now it was "my lord" and "the sorceress". What should he do? Track her down? Let her be? Waiting for her return? Why is she thinking that protecting him is her bloody destiny?! Why did she leave without giving him any answers?!  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was planned to be two-shot, but I decided to listen mrskhenderson10 and do multi-chapter story from this. Yeaah, I wanted to ended this in this verrrry open ending :P  
> Let me know what you think.  
> Probably next chapter will be more Merlyn's POV.


	3. Awakening

Merlyn woke up in her bed, she was scared at first, thinking that she is still in the dungeons, but then she realised what happened, she had a flashes of the previous events, but then Gaius showed up in her room. He looked so reliefed, that she woke up... but she was not sure if this is good thing. She will be burned at pyre as soon as Arthur realise that she is awake. Gaius tried to tell her, that Arthur's view are changing, she wanted to belive in that, she wanted to say something, but then she had one more attack of her magic, all glass in her room broke at once. She was terrified, she didn't know what is going on. Even before she arrived to Camelot and started to study magic, her magic was not so... wild. Gaius told her about her first attack, when whole Camelot felt it. 

\- I... I have to talk to Kilgharrah, only he can know what is happening. - she stammered, trying to stand up from the bed, but she felt dizzy and fell again on the bed. Gaius nodded, the Great Dragon probably know the answer to their questions. 

\- You are too weak Merlyn. I have to tell Arthur that you are awake. - Gaius said. Merlyn shook her head, which she regreted because that made her a headche. 

\- No... he can't. I'm dangerous... I... can't. I don't wanna die, Gaius. - She was afraid, afraid of herself, of Arthur. 

\- Arthur will not execute you. 

\- You think?! I spend a week in dungeons, I lost senses after a few hours. I was starving, thirsty. I couldn't eat on my own! And then... and then.. - she couldn't tell what she had on mind, but Gaius realised that she remember everything, even she was unconscious. He didn't know how this is possible, but with Merlyn nothing is impossible. 

\- You should rest Merlyn. - he told her with calm voice. 

\- Please... don't tell Arthur, not now. Tell him tommorow, please. 

Gaius only nodded, he could do that for her. It was late, he would told him next day anyway, because she needed to rest. When Gaius left her room, she was sitting on her bed. Alone with her thoughts. About all of this. She knew that Arthur's reaction won't be good, but she had never expected something like this. Torturing her, slowly killing. She would prefer quick death, but Arthur left her in the dark dungeons to slowly dead. No... he probably didn't know that the handcuffs was killing her. She wanted to belive in that, but if he came sooner, he would see that she is not well, he left her there for week... and then... then... the guards showed up. They, th-the-y wanted to... and she couldn't even defend herself. She slowly raised from her bed, and go to the doors, checking if Gaius went to sleep, He always like to take nap. He did. She wore on herself cloak and shoes, and she left her room and Gaius' chambers. Merlyn felt strange. Wrong. Like she was... not herself. Not fitting. That was making her dizzy. She walked, leaning against the wall. She knew how to walk through the city, avoiding the quards, she had big practise in that. She went to low town, to Gwen's house. She know that Gwen is working in Citadel, but she was not expecting to meet her, she wanted to meet Lancelot. He could be in Knight's room, but Merlyn's knew that Lancelot likes to talk with Gwen, when she came back from work. 

\- Merlyn? - she heard familiar voice, and she turned around. 

\- Lancelot... fancy meeting you here. - she smiled a little bit. 

\- Whe-when did you awake? - he asked her. 

\- Hour ago, maybe. I don't know for sure. - she answered, and lost her balance, she almost fell onto the ground, but Lancelot managed to catch her before she hit the ground. 

\- What are you doing here? 

\- I... I must talk with someone. I don't control my magic, you probably know about my attacks. 

\- You  barely stand. 

\- Yeah, I noticed that. - she answered and smiled, but Lancelot didn't smiled back, he gave her hard look. She should be resting, he was no medic, but he knew that. She was pale, tired, weak. 

\- Where are you going, I'm going with you. - he said. 

\- Thank you. - She smiled. - Wait a second. 

Merlyn looked around and reached scrap of paper from her cloak, and her eyes become amber as she was whispering. 

\- Cwide fram blæd. - she whispered, and the sheet of parchment was covered by words. - Síþ æt Arthur Pendragon. - when she whispered again, the letter disapeared. Lancelot looked at her, he wanted to know if she didn't lose senses now, or something like that, but nothing happened. She felt better, using magic was helping her. 

They went to the main gate, few quards was trying to ask them about the reason why he is walking with probably drunk girl, but when they noticed that she is walking with knight of Camelot, they stepped back. He was knight of camelot, sooo probably that was somekind of Noble's things, or whatever. they didn't ask about anything the knights, probably they couldn't tell them anyway. They managed to left Camelot. 

\- I should have taken the horse. - Lancelot noticed. 

\- There is no need, it is not far. - she answered. When they was walking by forest, Merlyn started to speaking, Lancelot was thinking that she is casting a spell, but it sound diffrent. It was like not her voice. It was deeper, sound like roar. He felt shiver on his back, when she was speaking like this. 

\- O drakon, e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes! - she roared, then they came to the large empty field, Merlyn told Lancelot to stop, they will meet here her friend, they were waiting few minutes, then Lancelot noticed... the DRAGON?! He pulled out his sword, but Merlyn suggested him to put down the weapon, that everything is alright, she wanted to bow before him, but again she lost balance, and Lancelot had to hold her.

\- Who is your friend, Freo? - the dragon asked, looking suspiciously at Lancelot

\- I'm Lancelot. 

\- Ahh.. Sir Lancelot du Lac,  the bravest and most noble of them all. - Dragon voice was calm, Lancelot could swear that the creature smiled. Du Lac? What did he mean by this? Lancelot shook his head.  


\- I don't think I deserve that title. - he answred. 

\- We will see one day. - Dragon answered, and looked at the Merlyn. - You are not looking well, Freo. - he noticed, and look carefully at her. 

\- Yeah, You are very observant ideed. - she murmured with angry voice.  _Where does this bitterness come from?_ The Dragon wondered. He was looking at her, then he noticed what is wrong. 

\- You was wounded. - He said. Merlyn wanted to answer something, but the dragon continued. Lancelot didn't interfere in their conversation, he hold Merlyn, she still looked like she could fell to the ground when only he stop holding her - Who did this to you?

\- I was not wounded... Arthur knows, Kilgharrah. He knows. He... he... put me into a anti-magic handcuffs. I don't know what is happening to my magic, I can't control it. It is so wild. I feel like I'm no longer... fitting to my body. - she had difficulties to speak from many reasons. It was no easy to talk about what Arthur did to her, and She found that describe how she was feeling at that moment was hard do describe by words. Dragon looked shocked by this news, probably he didn't expect that Pendragon could be able to do such a thing. But of course he could, he was Pendragon after all.

\- It was no your body wounded, not in phisical way. When Arthur put you into that handcuffs, he torn you away from your magic... from your very soul. That created the wound. Wound between your body and soul. - he told with his wise voice. Wound between body and soul, that did not sound good. 

\- How can I fix that? - She asked. 

\- You can't. Only time can fix that. It can take long weeks, months before it will be healed. 

\- I don't have months. I'm danger to the Camelot when I can't control my magic. And... Arthur will burn me anyway. - she sighed hard. She was trying to focus on her destiny to protect him, even if he hates her. Not thinking about her feeling to him... it hurts too much. He felt betrayed, She knew that, but She was betrayed too. She was protecting him, it was so hard, she sacrafice too much, and he didn't talk to her, didn't give her chance to talk to him, to explain. No, he put her in cell, and made her waiting for death. 

\- Are you really thinking that he could to that to you? - Lancelot asked, looking at her. 

Merlyn didn't answer that. She didn't know. Few weeks ago, she would tell that no matter what, their love is stronger than everything, but now. She didn't know. 

-  You need safe place to heal this wound. You know, that you must be ready, when the Witch will strike again, when Camelot will be danger again. Your destiny is not completed, Freo. - Kilgharrah said. She was so sick of her destiny! She was protecting Arthur so many times and he put her with gratitude into dungeon. Maybe she would be able to forgeting about it if... she didn't love him. It was not about that Arthur was shocked, felt betrayed, she could understand if he came day later of two to talk to her. To give her a chance to explain herself. To tell him about everything. It was about her feelings to him, betrayed feelings. 

\- I know, but in this state is no much things I can do. She is getting stronger... and darker. - She answered. 

\- You know, that she is your broken reflection. 

Merlyn only nodded, when she heard that, like she knew what the dragon was speaking about. She heard this before. Lancelot wanted to ask about few things, about how she managed to called the dragon, why is he refering to her as 'Freo', and what was that thing about broken reflection.  

\- I can't risk anyway. I can't come back to Camelot. - She decided. 

\- And what are you planning? - Lancelot asked, he was worried about her. He know that she is strong, stubborn, that she can survive herself, but not in this state. She was barley standing! Merlyn looked at the Dragon. 

\- I don't know yet... for now, I have to leave Camelot... Can you help me? - she said, looking at the Dragon. 

\- I told you once, I'm not a horse! - the dragon sounded... indignant. Lancelot smiled a little bit, It looked funny. Merlyn talking lightly with creature, which most of the people would call enormous and scary. They exchanged glances, and the Dragon sighed hard, he gave up. The knight was trying not to laugh, he knew that Merlyn is stubborn, but this was something new.  


\- See you again, Lancelot. - She smiled, and hugged him. 

\- I'll hold to that promise.... and please, don't do anything stupid. 

\- Me? - she answered with smile. 

Lancelot helped her sit on the back of the dragon, and then looked as the dragon straightened his wings, and then he  rose to the sky. Lancelot sighed hard, he hoped that Merlyn's letter will explain everything to Arthur. He didn't understand what she was saying, but he saw the letter, he heard 'Arthur Pendragon'. He was standing for a while on the empty field, and then he returned to the Camelot. 

In the same time, Arthur was reading letter from Merlyn. After while he ran to the Gaius' chambers and entered without knocking. Gaius woke up, and looked at Arthur with suprise on his face. 

\- Sire! 

\- Where is she? - he asked, and went to Merlyn's room, which was empty. He cursed. Why did she run away? It made only things worse. He will be expected to hunt her down... but probably she can't be found if she doesn't want this. Gaius was shocked, when he entered the room, and Merlyn was not there. She was too weak to travel alone, he thought that she wouldn't be able to rise from bed on her own, but he underestimated her.

\- I don't know, sire. She woke up, but she asked me to tell you tommorow. She needed to rest, so I agreed. - Gaius answered, Arthur cursed again. He felt anger, he wanted to destroy something, he started to breath heavily, trying to calm down. - She can't be far, when she woke up, she was weak. - Gaius added after a while. Arthur left the chambers, and walking by corridor, he wondered where he should started to look. He will get his knights, and start looking. He can't close down the town... he didn't want to make things worse between him and Merlyn. He didn't want her to feel like she is prisoner. But then, when he was going to Knights' chambers, he looked by window on the yard. He saw Lancelot, coming back from... somewhere. Arthur didn't know about that Lancelot had some plans for today, involving leaving the town. Maybe he was only visiting Gwen in the low town. It was his first thought, but then He realised, that Lancelot would help Merlyn no matter what... She had to go to him. He felt jealous, Lancelot have something, that Arthur's never have, Merlyn's trust. 

Arthur blocked Lancelot's way, when he was trying to reach Knights' chambers. He looked at him with anger in his blue eyes. Lancelot realised, that Arthur knew. He found the letter. 

\- Where is Merlyn? - Prince hissed. 

\- Did she awake? - he tried to look suprised. 

\- Do not lie to me Lancelot, you committed treason, by helping her run away. 

There was no point of lying. 

\- We both know that is not true. - Lancelot's voice was so convinced, he was certain about it. Arthur didn't know how to answer that, he didn't know if _he know._   He was not so certain about it as Lancelot was. 

\- Where is she? - he asked again. 

\- It is... long story. I think that Merlyn wouldn't want me to tell about it to you.- Lancelot sighed. Arthur wanted to argue, that he is the prince and he is demanding to know, but he knew that would be pointless.

\- Please. - something broke in Arthur, he wanted to know if Merlyn is safe. Lancelot hadn't seen him like this before. They were silent, just exchanging glance, Lancelot sighed after a while. 

\- I will tell you... but not here. - they were standing in the middle of corridor. Arthur looked around, for the moment he wanted to say, that he didn't care about the place where they are talking, but Lancelot was right. It was not good place to have this kind of conversation. 

\- Fine, go for Gaius, Leon, Gwaine, Elyan and Percival. I think, that they would like to hear that too. Then, come to my chambers. - Arthur answered, and then he went to his chamber. He.. wanted to have somebody around him. He didn't know what he should be expecting, what Lancelot will tell him. He knew, that his most trusted knights will stop him from doing something stupid, and Gaius will always offer a good advice, or explain something with his knowledge. He seems to know much about Merlyn. He sat in front of his table, and tapped his fingers nervously on the counter, waiting for his... guests. First came Gaius, Arthur only nodded, and  pointed chair on his left side. Next, knights came... without Lancelot and Gwaine, Leon said something about Gwaine being in tavern, and Lancelot went after him, they sat at the table. Then, Gwaine and Lancelot showed up finally. Lancelot sat on the other end of the table, and Gwaine take place on Lancelot's right side. 

\- Merlyn woke up.... and Lancelot helped her run away from Camelot. - Prince's voice was cold and deprecatory. 

Someone gasped, but Arthur didn't care about it. He stared at Lancelot, waiting for his explanations. 

\- She came to me, barely standing. She told me, that she can't control her own magic... I've never seen her so terrified. - Lancelot saw her in many occasions where she could feel fear, but he never saw it on her face. Merlyn was always calm, He had never know if she is pretending, or she is really that quiet. - She didn't know what is happening to her, she wanted to meet with... her friend, for advice. - Lancelot added, and looked at Gaius, checking if he know, who is this 'friend' of Merlyn. The Great Dragon who supposed to be dead, by Arthur's hand. He could guess, that was her doing too. Gaius nodded, he know with who Merlyn wanted to meet. 

\- So... you helped her find her friend? - Leon asked, he was torn. He knew Merlyn very long, almost as long as Arthur. On begining he thought that she is mad, calling Prince the prat or idiot, but He started to see fun side of all of this, and he liked her. But... her magic. Magic was evil. Fact the druids cured him was not helping. It was destroying his view on magic. Hate all magic was easy, black and white. Exceptions always complicate things.   


\- She found him on her own... but she couldn't even walk. She was weak, pale... looked like disaster. I had to hold her all the time if  I did not want her to fall. - Lancelot answered. Gaius grunted, focusing attention on himself.

\- Merlyn told me, when she woke up, that she lost her consciousness after few hours in the cell. She couldn't eat or drink on her own. Her body is weakened. 

\- If that so, how is she even alive? - Leon asked, looking at Gaius. If she didn't drink anything by week, she should be dead. He... didn't want that, but she should be dead. 

\- Her magic keep her alive, even if she was cut from it. 

Arthur became paler, hearing Gaius' revelations. All the time, she was dying down there, and he didn't know. Nobody check her, how is she feeling. He forbade visiting her, if he didn't probably someone would do that, and they would know about her state... but no. He was to pride, to go to her. 

\- What did happen on that meeting. - Arthur asked with weak voice. 

Lancelot was speechless for the moment, remembering the huge beast, landing before him. 

\- Eee... yes, the meeting. - Lancelot nodded. - Her friend, she asked him about her magic. He said, that... I don't know if I understand that right, but he said, that when she was in the handcuffs, she was torn away from her soul? That created a wound of somekind, and _the D_ Friend, told her that only time can heal it. - Lancelot said it in the way he understanded this, and looked at Gaius, seeking for explanation, or something. He probably know better. Gaius sighed, he was worried. 

\- Magic is part of Merlyn, always was. I knew that there would be consequences... but I didn't think that would be that bad. 

\- Her friend told her, that she needs safe place to rest, because she must be ready, when the witch will strick again. - Lancelot continued. 

_\- The witch?_ \- Gwaine asked, lookin at his friend. 

\- Morgana. Witch is term to describe woman who was born with magic. Merlyn is also a Witch. - Gaius explained, without going into details. Merlyn was a witch only in some definitions of this word. She  didn't have to learn magic, but there was difference between Morgana and Merlyn. Morgana's powers showed up after many years. Merlyn has magic since very begining. 

\- Yeah, that was bit odd... He described Morgana as broken reflection of Merlyn. - Lancelot said, looking at Gaius, the old medican sighed hard. Merlyn is the one, who should be explaining all of this, but she was out of reach, so he have to. 

\- Driuds like allegories. - Gaius waved his hand like it was nothing important. - Where is Merlyn now? - he asked. 

Arthur had many questions about this one, he didn't think that was not important. Broken Refletion? DRUIDS? What the hell do they have for this?! He wanted to know about it, but Gaius' question was more important now. Where is Merlyn. Lancelot swallowed and for few second he was silent. 

\- I don't know. - he whispered. 

\- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THAT YOU DON'T KNOW? - Arthur finally said something from some time, and it was full of anger, which he was hidding all the time. How could he let her go in that state? Should he care about her state? No. But still, he cared. She was a sorceress, a witch, whatever. She was danger to his kingdom. He should be reliefed that she is probably far away, but he wasn't. 

\- She decided not coming back to Camelot, because her attacks are dangerous... and she is thinking that you will burn her. She used her magic, to send you a letter, I thought that she explained eveything there. - Lancelot answered, trying to be calm, didn't get infected by Arthur's anger. All knights looked at Arthur, he didn't say anything about the letter. 

\- The letter left me only with more questions than answers. - Arthur blurted.

\- What did she said? - Gwaine asked carefully, he didn't want to push so hard. He was not in mood to cleaning after princess' will blow up and destroy all castle. Well... Merlyn probably has bigger chance to do such a thing, but Arthur was capable to do it too. Arthur pulled out letter from his pocket. Looking at it was painful. At her irreproachable style of writing, and that bloody formality in this letter. Did he truly lose her? He wanted to read this letter to all of them, but... it was too private to him. 

\- That she will come back, even if that means she will die. She will be helping me from the shadows. - he murmured. 

\- Sounds like her. - Gaius answered. 

Again, all of them was silent. They were too focused on their own thoughts about all of this, about Merlyn's  magic. Even Lancelot and Gaius, they knew about it before, but they were wondering what will happen with Merlyn, what is Arthur going to do about her. Gwaine was hurt that Merlyn didn't trust him enough to tell him. He would keep her secret save, they are friends. Yeah, no matter what, he was at Merlyn side. Leon was cofused, he didn't know what he should be thinking about it, but he will follow Arthur. Percival's loyalty was with Lancelot, so if Lancelot is on Merlyn side, he is too. Eylan's father died because of magic, but he knew Merlyn, she was Gwen's best friend, or it was only lie? 

But it was not time to take sides. Because Arthur still didn't know what to do. Honestly, he couldn't do anything at this time. Merlyn was god knows where, far away from him. He sighed hard. 

\- Meeting is over, leave. - Prince said, staring with empty look on the wall in front of him. They listened, and they left the Arthur's chambers, leaving him to his own thoughts. He stood up, and reached the window and looked at the yard. He could imagine Merlyn walking from work to Gaius' chambers, it was easy, he saw this many times. He'd always watched when she was going back to her room. He couldn't escot her, but he wanted to know, if she is save, even if there was pleanty of guards on the yard. Now it seemed unnecessary. She could easily defend herself with her magic, she was never in danger, or was she? He saw her scars. Why did she do such a things? Protecting him? He had so many questions and Merlyn had the all answers He needed, but she was...unreachable. He have to find her... to get his answers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehh.. I rewrite this chapter so many times... I hope I didn't lose sense in this, and I know that I say that there will be more Merlyn's POV, but... huh. I don't know. I guess I prefer writing about Arthur's feelings, but there will be something longer from Merlyn's view, I promise.  
> I tried to correct grammar errors, probably there is so many of them as always, but I tried. I'm glad that you wanted to read this, even if I have grammar problems. I probably would not have such patience, to read something in my native language with errors. xD So I'm very glad, and I love you all <3  
> I hope you enjoyed this :D  
> See ya in the next chapter :>


	4. Council Meeting

Month, bloody month without Merlyn. That was nightmare, and he couldn't wake up. He had to find new servant, Arthur remembered what Merlyn asked him once, 'no bootlicker', but there was no somebody like Merlyn. For every servant, he was Prince Regent, they felt that they had to agree with everything what he is saying, obediently accept the insults, do everything what he said. That was horrible. He always lingered about Merlyn, that she is awfull servant, the worst in the all Camelot, that she is clumsy idiot, but this never was a problem. When he called her an idiot, she called him prat, when he said that she is the worst servant in all kingdoms, she answered that he is the most arogant and flatulent prince that ever existed. Now, when he said something like that to his new servant, He answered that he will do everything to be better, or something like that. There was a feast to celebrate Samhain, he looked at servants who were crowling in the background, and he knew that Merlyn is not there.  He missed her so badly. Her humor, her smile. He wanted to oversleep because she was late, he wanted to listen her excuses and then take her on his knees and kiss her, and then she would punch him in arm, telling that he is stupid, that somebody can enter room and see them together, and he would answer her, that She is only one who could enter his room without knocking.

That is something that could be.

Could be if she was not a sorceress. Realising that always hurts. "Magic is evil" isn't it? It was something that everyone always was saying to him. His father mostly, and his advisors. Magic is evil and corrupting people, making them powerhungry, but he couldn't find one evil bone in Merlyn. He wanted to talk to her, to know if she is alright. Nobody heard anything from her by this month. He sent kinights to place, where Merlyn and Lancelot met this 'Merlyn's friend', but they couldn't find any trace. He couldn't find her, and He didn't know even if she is still alive.  It was bloody nightmare.

He had to focus on ruling Camelot, his father's didn't change. Arthur slowly accepted that his father will never come back. He lost him, like he lost Merlyn. He was in the middle of meeting with his knights, when Gaius entered the room.

\- I'm sorry, Sire. But I have important news. - the old man said, he wanted to come here as fast as he could. Arthur was worried, no many things would make Gaius fast walk to him.... maybe it was something about...

\- Not need to be sorry, what is it, Gaius? - Arthur answered, he was trying to be calm, and not showing his hopes that this is something about Merlyn.

\- I received a letter, from Merlyn. - when Arthur heard that... he couldn't speak. She was still alive, she is fine. That was a relief... but still, she sent the letter, whatever she wanted to say, she wasn't coming back.

\- Take a sit Gaius - he ordered, poiting at free chair. Gaius nodded, and sat, taking a deep breath. - What is she saying in this letter? - he asked carefully, he didn't know what he should expected.

\- She... killed Morgause, sire. - Gaius said, and everyone in the room became paralyzed from shock. Gaius started to reading the letter from Merlyn. 

_Dear Gaius,_

_ I know that probably made you worry about me, but I'm fine. I didn't write sooner, because I had to think about eveything, about all what happened. My magic is still unstable, but it is much better than before, the wound is healing quite fast in my opinion. As more I'm using my magic, I'm feeling better. About using my magic, I have to tell you something. I had a meeting with Morgana and Morgause, I thought that Morgause didn't survived that blow, I was wrong but not entirely. She was dying, and Morgana wanted to sacrafice her in somekind ritual, I don't know precisely what she wanted to do, but it couldn't had been anything good. It happened on Samhain Eve, you probably know better what it could be. I was fighting with them, Morgause was weak I didn't wanted to kill her, but there was no other choice. Battle with Morgana... that was something else. She is powerful Gaius, more powerful that I expected her to be. I wounded her, but she managed to ran away. I don't know what happened with her, but She knows Gaius, she knows, and now she has two more reasons to hate me. I lied to her, when she needed me, I tried to kill her thrice and I killed her sister. I created her and I will always be guilty of that. She will attack again, I hope next time I will be more prepared. Don't worry, I'm not wounded much... just some fireballs. What is with evil sorceress and fireballs anyway? You know, Nimueh, Morgause, Morgana... fancy with playing fire. Nevermind.  _

_ I have some extra time, to heal myself. Morgana must heal her wounds before she attack again, I hope that I will be fine to that moment, I can't leave Camelot unprotected. I hope that everything is alright in Camelot, I miss you.  _

_ Merlyn.  _

 All knights and Prince was listening in silence. Lancelot and Gwaine relieved that Merlyn is fine, but they were worried about this fight with Morgana and Morgause. No one in this room was regreting Morgause death, but they worried about Merlyn. Picture of her, killing somebody was... difficult from them. Except of Lancelot who already saw Merlyn in action few times. He knew that she don't like killing, but sometime it is necessity. When Gaius finished reading, they all were silent by long moment, Arthur decided to say something after he cleared his throat.

\- Do you know what Morgana and Morgause was planning? - Arthur asked, trying to make his voice normal, but he was so worried about Merlyn. She fought with two powerful sorceress. Wait, Blow? What kind of Blow? Morgause was dying? He realised that after his question. 

\- I think I do, Sire. Merlyn prevented death of the many. - Gaius said and looked at Arthur. - I believe that Morgana wanted to torn the veil, between worlds of living and dead. In Samhian eve the veil is thinnest. It would free the Dorocha, they are creatures from nightmares. Unrest spirits. No mortal can survive their touch. Last time when The High Priestess torn the veil, wave of death went through all villiges, towns... even cities. Ritual requires life sacrafice and powerful magic... - he told the story. He was learning about it long time ago, when he still was learning about magic, before Uther banned it. They all should be glad that Merlyn prevented that, it would be end of the world. Literally. 

Morgana wanted to kill her own sister, to bring death to the Camelot? She was so twisted? She is mad. Why does Merlyn blames herself about what Morgana became? It was Morgana choice, not her. She wanted to kill her thrice? When? One probably was about what happened in events that Merlyn described in letter, but pervious twice? 

\- What did Merlyn mean, when she said that she created Morgana? - Leon finally asked and broke the silent. 

\- Morgana was afraid. It was not magic what made her evil. It was fear. Being Uther's ward, watching executions, listening that Magic is Evil... she was living in fear, and Morgana's hatred for Uther began long before she even started realised, that she has magic. She is Seer, Sire. Her nightmares were visions of future. - Gaius started explaining. - Merlyn wanted to be with her in this hard time, she went through smiliar thing herself. Believing that she is a monster. But she was told not to reveal her magic to Morgana, she was told that Morgana once will be evil, and knowing about Merlyn won't bring anything good. From one side, Merlyn didn't believe that Morgana can choice path of darkness, but from the other, she knew that she must protect you no matter the cost. She had to choose between the difficult options many times and because of that Merlyn believes that She created her. 

Gaius ended his argument with silent sigh. Life was never easy for Merlyn, but she at least had her Mother, Him, Lancelot... people who didn't say that she is monster, that saw good in her. Morgana never had such people. He didn't wanted put Merlyn in danger, so he told her that she should have kept her magic in secret. There was no sense in looking for guilty, Morgana made her own choices. Merlyn had known that Morgana is evil, before they all learned that. Why did she not tell anyone? Answer was simple... she knew that nobody would believe her. 

\- Merlyn isn't a monster. - Gwaine whispered. 

\- No, she is not. But try to growing up around people who say that magic is evil. That everyone who is using magic is corrupted monster. I know that she sometimes... started to believe in that. - Lancelot answered, and sighed. It was always hard, when he saw Merlyn in her harder days. When she did something what she was regreting. It was easier to tell her, that she did what she had to, to protect Camelot... but it was never easy to say that she can't save everyone. Even her. 

Arthur felt this weird jealousy again. It was Lancelot who supported her in her hard times, he didn't even know that she had something like that. She was always happy, she seemed that way. She was always on his side, when he was blue, in every second when he needed her. Arthur didn't even think, that sometimes Merlyn can be overloaded with duties, with expectations. 

\- You said, that Merlyn was told not reveal her magic to Morgana... now, Morgana knows. - Lancelot noticed and looked at Gaius, he figured that the Dragon told Merlyn that, so he didn't ask about it, but probably rest of the knights and the king wondered who advised Merlyn such a thing, maybe they conected him with 'Merlyn's friend' but they didn't know the truth about who he is. 

\- Yes, and I'm worried about what Morgana will do with that fact. - Gaius answered and sighed. 

\- Gaius... I doubt that Merlyn just randomly met Morgana and Morgause in the middle of the forest. How did Merlyn meet with them?  Is there a specific place where such ritual could be performed? - Arthur, who was mostly silent by all conversation finally said something. He was thinking about it all time, when Gaius said about ritual. Merlyn's Friend had to take her something save yet, Merlyn met there Morgana and Morgause? Gaius was surprised by this question, but after while he answered. 

\- I believe so, Sire. The Veil could be torn only in the Heart of the Old Religion... on Isle of the Blessed. 

Arthur didn't seem to be suprised. He could expect something like that, where else she could hide? She was sorceress after all... or Witch, whatever. He knows now where she is or was, even if she is not there, she could left the trail, and what should he do with that information? He stood up, and went to the doors. 

\- You are dissmised, knights prepare yourselves, tomorrow at sunrise we embark on an expedition to The Great Seas of Meredor. - He said coldly and then he left the room.

\- Sire! - he heard some voices behind, but he didn't care, just went to his chambers.

Arthur entered his room and slammed the doors. First time, since month, he knew something about Merlyn. Duh! He knew where she could be. What will he do, when she is really there. She could run away after fight with his sister. Sometime ago, thought of Merlyn making magic duel with Morgana would be totally ridiculous, now it was real. Now, he know that his half-sister and his... _love_ are powerful sorceress or Witches. He must correct himself in his mind everytime. What he will do with her? He can't kill her, that was not an option... it never was. No matter the fact what Merlyn is thinking now, Arthur has never wanted to kill her. But Magic was evil. Morgana is the best example, she was once so good, lovely, compassionate, and now? She was twisted, corrupted, evil. She wanted to torn veil between worlds, just to destroy his kingdom. Then, he remembered Gaius' words about 'the witches'. That Merlyn is blaming herself for Morgana's fate, that fear pushed Morgana into Morgause arms, into the darkness. It could be truth. He was trying to imagine what Morgana and Merlyn could feel by all this years, when everybody around was talking about magic like it was the worst thing on the world. Morgana lived in fear... but what about Merlyn? She was on his side on every battle, probably she was using magic around him. She wasn't scared? If she was so powerful to not be scared, why would she be his servant. She could rule the Camelot if she wanted probably, but no. She was saving his 'royal backside'. He was looking by the window and drowning in his own thoughts.  


_What should I do about you?_

Then, he heard knocking to his doors. He sighed hard, and murmured 'enter'. He expected one of his knights: Lancelot or Gwaine, or Gaius, who would want to talk with him about Merlyn, but when he saw Guinevere, he raised his bow in gest of suprise. 

\- Guinevere, what are you doing here? - he asked. 

\- I heard from Lancelot... that you are going to look for Merlyn tomorrow. - she started. Arthur couldn't stop himself and he rolled his eyes. He should predict that even she will want to talk about Merlyn. All world was bulit around her now.

\- Guinevere, I know that she is your friend... - he started, but Gwen interputed him. 

\- No, no about that. I just wanted to know how are you feeling about it. 

\- You're worried about me? There's no need. 

\- I think it is... last month was rough. - she said and came closer, but she stopped when she reached the table. 

\- Yeah, It was. - He sighed, and looked by Window again. 

\- How are you feeling? - she asked with calm voice. He was quiet for while, he didn't know if he wanted to talk about it. 

\- I-I... don't know, honestly. I don't know what I should feel. - he shaked his head, and turned from the window to look at her. He wondered if Lancelot send her to him, to check what he is planning to do. - I just... want to meet with her, talk with her. But... I already feel like I lost her. To magic. I feel that I'm losing everybody because of magic. - he snorted. 

\- You didn't lose her... yet. - on her mouth showed up little smile, he turn his look away, looking at the fireplace. He said nothing. He wasn't sure if that was true. Lancelot claimed that Merlyn believed that he wanted her death. What if she hate him? Like Morgana hates their father? 

\- I felt betrayed, when I'd seen her using magic... I didn't know what I should feel. I still don't know. I saw many sorcery in my life. Mostly it wasn't good. - he answered, and looked at her again. 

\- Mostly? - she asked suprised with his answer. She expected "never good" or something like that. 

\- When Merlyn drank poison, when I was looking for this flower to save her... I was traped in dark cave, surrounded by beasts. There was... light, it showed me path. 

Gwen was silent, she remembered that Merlyn was saying something, when she was poisoned. Gaius told her, that is only fever, but it didn't sound like that, but she accepted that. Even when she was dying, still she was saving Arthur's life? 

\- What's wrong? - Arthur asked. 

\- I... When I and Gaius was taking care about Merlyn, she was saying something... Gaius said, that it is because fever, but it didn't sound like that. It sound like diffrent language, but I just accepted, that was a fever. 

Arthur snorded. 

\- I should expect that... that she was saving my life even on her death bed. 

\- What are you going to do, when you meet with her? 

\- I don't know... I guess, that depends how she will react. - Arthur avoided true answer. 

\- I hope you will make good decison. - She smiled, and then she left Prince's chambers, leaving him to his own thoughts. 

Night was almost sleepless for him, he was thinking about what-if. He thought about all possible scenarios. What if Merlyn would hate him? What if Merlyn turned evil? What if Merlyn would want to return to Camelot? What if she wouldn't? How should he react in every of this situation? Should he apologise about his behavior, and what he did to her? He knew that he have to do that. Should he accepted her? That she was lying to him all years? What about the laws? Even if he could change them, which he couldn't because his father is still king, he is only prince regent, should he do such a thing? For one person? 

He was on his feet before the sunrise, he was preparing himself to the journey with help of his new servant. He was like the others, so subordinate. Nothing like Merlyn. To hell with all of this, he can't even look at his servant, without thinking about her. It was driving him mad, but he hoped, that this journey change something. On worse or better, but change. He couldn't stay in this state, without knowing what is between them. With sunrise, he left his chamber and went to the main gate, which was default meeting place for knights. They were waiting for him: Leon, Gwaine, Percival, Lancelot and Eylan. Greetings was short and simple, then Arthur sat on his horse and gave the order to leave. They were traveling in silence for some part, but Gwaine wouldn't be himself if he didn't start talking. 

\- Soo... Lance. Do you know some funny stories about Merlyn, how she saved yours asses? - He asked with characteristic smirk, Lancelot laughed and shook his head, then he looked at Arthur, who was riding before him, he turned his head slightly in their direction, Lancelot wasn't sure if he should talking about Merlyn right now. Gods know how Arthur will react about it. 

\- I know few Merlyn's stories, but I doubt there is one which She could name funny. She doesn't like talk about it. - He answered and sighed. 

\- Why? I... thought that if you knew about her magic, she told you everything. - Percival  joined to the conversation. 

\- I knew about her magic... but she really doesn't like, when people know about it. 

\- Why? - Another this same question, this time from Elyan's mouths. 

\- Eh... She is thinking that she was putting us, me and Gaius in danger because of it. That we were paying for her mistakes, because she was not good enough to keep us safe. Hero complex. - Lancelot answered. Even some 'funny' stories almost ended with tragedy. When Uther married the troll, Arthur almost died. When she realised Goblin and it was making jokes in Camelot, Gaius almost died. Merlyn was always feel guilty about it, that people almost die because her mistakes. All knights went silent after that relevation. It sounds like Merlyn. She was always selfless, and they could imagine that she had hero complex it really sounds like Merlyn they know, without magic thing of course. 

\- Buuut... You said, that you know some. So tell us. - Gwaine returned to his idea about Lancelot telling them something about Merlyn, if he knows something, why he should keep this in secret? They would be glad to listen, except for Princess, but who cares about princess humors. 

\- Ehh.. fine. Let me think. There was many 'little' stories, when Merlyn was saving our asses. All of this bandits dropping their weapons, falling trees. She was always away from main fight to have better look, and supporting us. - he shrugged. - Actually, she told me, like you two meet. - Lancelot looked at Gwaine. 

\- I KNEW I WAS NOT THAT DRUNK! - Gwaine cried - Those flying plates and bench! 

They started to laugh, except for Arthur, who only smiled. Merlyn was using magic almost at their eyes. Did she hear about something named self-preservation? How could they so blind? Or... like Gwaine said, they didn't want to see it. How often did he make excuses when he saw something that couldn't be real? 

\- Yeah, sounds like her. Sometimes I wonder how you could not see that. Maybe she learned how to lie, but still... she is not quite good about hiding. Not on the level when we met, when she was shouting spell four times, but no much better - Lancelot smiled. - She doesn't always think before she does something. 

\- So, no real story? - Gwaine said like Lancelot was a awful mother who didn't want to say goodnight story to his child. Lancelot moaned unhappily. Gwaine was really pain in the ass, he was funny sometimes, but sometimes... ugh. Lancelot started telling them about time, when Gwen was captured by Hengis, when she was taken as Morgana, he told them how it truly looked like, about falling chandelier and other magic support from Merlyn side. He told them about that weird ending, when he thoughts that Arthur had some feelings to Gwen he left, before Merlyn said, that he was doing it for her, because Gwen was her best friend. 

\- Mate, you are idiot. - Gwaine answered and laughed, Lancelot didn't answered, because he was right. He was a idiot, really. But really it looked that way, he didn't wanted to step between them. When Arthur was listening this story, he realised why it could looked that way. Because, He thought similar thing. That Lancelot had some feelings to Merlyn. Sweet Goddess! That was crazy story! All this misunderstandings left them all with broken hearts in the end. Heh, maybe it would be better if he stopped care about Merlyn then. It would be easier now... No. Even if it was a lie, it was the most wonderful time in his life. 

They arrived at Seas of Meredor by late afternoon, they left horses in the forest, tying them to trees and then they went to the closest beach to find someway to travel to the Isle. Arthur stopped for while and looked at ruins of temple from distance. He's never been there, but it always looked scarry. Like evil forces was still lying there, but now it looked so peaceful. Normal. Just like ordinary ruins. 

\- Sire! There is some man with a boat, maybe he will help us. - Elyan said, poiting at man who was standing next to boat. He had something on it, but from distance they couldn't say what was that. It looked like some bags. Arthur only nodded, and they all went in his direction. When he saw knights of Camelot, he was terrified. They were far far away from main city, they didn't saw knights here often, only some patrol once or twice. He stood there, became pale, almost white, and then... he started runinng, as fast as he could. 

\- HEY!

\- STOP! 

\- WE WANT ONLY TO TALK! 

Knights were shouting when they were running after him, but he was running like his life was depended on that. Elyan was faster than rest of the knights so he managed to stop this man from running and hold him. They all was out of breath, they were tired after journey, and they weren't ready for chase.

\- Why... why was you running? - Arthur asked, only guilty run away.  

\- I... I... my village... - he was terrified. Stammered, jammed, He could not say anything.

\- Calm down, nobody is going to hurt you, or harm your village. - Lancelot claimed, looking at unknown man, trying to calm him. If they wanted some information from him, he had to stop stutter. 

\- We.. we.. wanted to repay the sorceress from the Isle. - he answered when he swallowed the lump in his throat. - She.. she.. saved your village, from-from... wywerns. 

Arthur knew why this man was so scared. If he would hear this some time ago, he would arrest him because he admitted to conspiracy with sorceress. His father would kill him, and probably many people in his village, because they all would be guilty of this crime. Arthur knew that. He knew that sometimes his father was merciless, but it was necessary in war against magic. Now he was not so sure about it, but... he understand this man. 

\- Did she asked about this gifts? - Leon asked with suprise in his voice. It was not like Merlyn at all, asking about reward. 

\- No.. no Sir Knight. Village leader decided about it, she left without the word after she send wyverns away. - He said, still he was fearful. 

That sounds more like Merlyn... she could control the wyverns?! How did they know, that Merlyn is hiding on the Isle? Is she became famous when they don't look at her? How did it happen that words didn't spreed to capitol? 

\- We need your boat, we want to go on Isle of Blessed. After getting us there, and out you will be free to go. - Arthur said and looked at him. He only nodded in answer, and they all went to his boat. They almost didn't fit all because bages took some place. Isle of the Blessed was before them. Merlyn was there, they were sure of it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo. Finally AO3 got repaired and I can publish this chapter <3  
> I was listening Across the Stars, theme for Padame and Anakin love story from Star Wars Episode II, when I was writing that. I think it is good soundtrack to reading too :D  
> Big reunion is coming. How are you expecting it to be? :D I know, but I'm curious about your ideas.  
> And I was wondering today, if there was said how Morgana met Agravaine? How did he fell in love? (Gosh, I was watching deleted scenes from Merlin some days ago, scene with Agravaine and Morgana from 4x01 (or 02?) when he was trying to put his hand on her cheek makes me laugh everytime. So much friendzone. Or... "I will use you position and that you are close to Arthur"zone.  
> I know that there is little of Elyan and Percival, but... honestly. Sometimes I forgot that they are even in this tv show. Especially Elyan.  
> As always, I'm glad that you read this, and as always I apologise for all errors xD  
> See ya in next chapter.


	5. Isle of the Blessed

They arrived on the second shore in complete silence, everyone was lost in his own thoughts. The air was thick with tension, knights and their prince was truly afraid of meeting Merlyn. Not because they were afraid of her, but they was scared how this meeting will end. It seemed like no possible ending was good. They could hope, that there will be happy end, but it would be too much optimistic. Man from the village tied the boat to the pile, then knights was leaving it. Knights of Camelot saw somebody on the shore, they came closer. It was... girl? But not Merlyn. They was not sure if she is even human... her skin was blue? or green? But it was not intensive color it was dirty, like she was dirty with this colors. Her hair had the color of honey and were pretty thin, looked like were vet. She was making a wreath of white flowers, then she looked at Knights with smile, she wanted to say something, but then she saw Percival. 

\- O my... You are big. - Her lips was in 'O' shape. Leon smiled, trying to not laugh, but Gwaine didn't had this problem. He laughed hard, and looked at his friend. 

\- That's what she said... \- Gwaine laughed again, making Percival blush.  


\- Who.. what are you? - Arthur asked, trying to get back to seriousness. Gwaine murmured something about not having fun, but who was listening him. Prince looked at the creature, she wanted to answered, but then this village man showed up with his bags and he caught her attention. 

\- Take this back to your village, you know that Freo didn't want any reward for her doings for your village. - she said with warm smile. 

\- But... We thought that she probably doesn't have many things to eat here, we want give some reward. - he answered, creature smiled again and looked at him. 

\- I know Freo, I know what she will say. Take this back to your family. You can take your boat back, your friends probably will stay here for longer. Freo warned me about you. - She came back with her look at knights. Man opened his mouth to say something, but then she looked at him again. - Take this back to your family, they need it more. - her voice was more warning now, she was losing her patience. Then she again looked at knights.

\- I'm  nymph, my name is Filla. - she answered. 

\- I have never heard about nymphs. - Elyan said. 

\- We almost vanished after Great Purge, I was in deep sleep, but Freo presence here woke me up. - She answered and came back to do her wreath. 

Knights was confused. Freo? So... There was another sorceress? It was not Merlyn who helped this village? All of this was for nothing? Arthur cursed in his mind, he really believed, that he will meet Merlyn here. But... then he thought about Filla's words, that Freo warned her about them. Maybe this Freo knows Merlyn, She can help them find her. 

\- Freo? - Arthur asked.

\- Merlyn... - Lancelot answered, he was the only one who was not confused when Filla called the witch who was living there 'Freo'. Arthur looked at his knight, he was angry. So, even Merlyn lied about her true name? 

\- I would never called her by name. She is Freo to me. - She shook her head. 

\- I heard once somebody calling her Freo, but I don't know what that mean. - Lancelot said, and looked at Arthur, trying to justify himself. Their relation was strange since Merlyn's reveal. He knew that Arthur is jealous in some way, that he know more about Merlyn's second life, but he didn't understand that Arthur knows her better, even if Lancelot knew about her magic, She was always closer to Arthur than anybody else. Filla laughed. 

\- You will never understand, stupid one. - She smiled. In her mouth it did not sound like an insult, just like she was trying to say that this is beyond their understanding. - You may translate Freo as a Lady, but it doesn't say everything about her. She is our Lady, our Mother, Leader, Sister, Queen, Kin, Ruler... she is everything that she needs to be. 

Her answer made everybody stoned. It was like Merlyn was... most important figure in magic world, but it couldn't be true. If that was true, why she was servant? They wondered about that even before they knew that she is like nobility for magic creatures. Why Freo, what was somekind of title, they guessed, was cleaned the royal stables? That didn't have any sense. Arthur woke up from shock first. 

\- Is she here? - he asked with voice full of hope. 

\- Yes, she is here. Freo told me that you probably will show up. I can take you to her. - She answered and stood up from the ground and smoothed her short dirty green dress, and then she went inside ruins of Temple and knights followed her. Then, they came to the place, which could be main hall in the old times. There was altar in the center of yard, it hardly could be named room, because there was no ceil, unter their feet was grass and walls were in ruin. There was woman, siting on altar with book on her knees. Completly focused on reading. She wore long, simple but beauty white dress. Her long, black, curly hair was untied, lying freely on her arms, contrasting with the white of her dress. There was something about untied hair. Servants girl, or working women anyway always tied their hair, because were cumbersome at work. Noble womans always had something in their hairstyle. Some tiaras, trinkets, tinsel, jewelery. It seems like only sorceress let their hair lay freely, like they were free in some way. Merlyn... she looked... amazing. Breathtaking. Arthur always saw her as wonder, but she looked like a dream. He wanted to looked at Filla, but she disappeared from his side. In next second, he saw her on Merlyn's side. She put white wreath on Merlyn's head, making her looking even more like walking miracle.   


\- Filla! - she exclaimed with wide smile. - You scarred me! 

\- Sorry... How are you feeling, Freo? - Nymph asked with smile, ignoring their guests. 

\- I'm fine. - she answered quickly, too quickly. Arthur knew that, she was lying. 

\- Well... that's good. Because we have guests. - She answered and then, looked in knights direction. Merlyn looked there too, and her eyes widened when She saw knights of Camelot. She knew that probably they would find her, but still she was suprised. She came down from the altar and put her book on it, then came closer to knights, but she stopped in the middle of the road, and looked at them. 

\- You found me, _Sire_.  Congratulations. \- she said with cold voice. - Are you here to slay me down? - She asked with raised head. Nothing else she could expect, right? Little army on her doorstep, just for one Witch. Knights was surprised by the question, so that it fell silent for a moment.

\- Well... this will be good place. I came once by this door, like you. But then I met here Nimueh, and I wanted to trade my life for your when you were dying. Yeah. This is good place. - She said with smile, remembering when she fought here with Nimueh. It was special place in her memory. First time, she completely consciously wanted to die for Arthur. Yeah, she was in danger before, she had drank poison for him, but it was always an impulse. Arthur was in danger, she was saving him no matter what... but here. She came, she had long journey to think, many moments to came back, but she came here, and she wanted trade her life. She could die here. 

\- What? No. You are not going to die. - Arthur finally said something, sheaking his head. The image of him killing her was like nightmare. No, they didn't came here to kill her. Actually, he didn't know why they came here. Arthur just wanted to meet with her. 

\- No? Like I was not dying in your dungeons? - she asked tilting her head. - Or like your guards didn't want to rape me when I was dying? 

\- WHAT?! - Gwaine and Lancelot exclaimed in this same time, looking at Merlyn, and then at Arthur. Elyan and Percival were in shock too. Only Arthur and Leon knew about it, and they didn't know what they should answer. Merlyn had every right to be angry at them, to hate them. They... Arthur mostly, left her to die in dungeons. She was there for week, without any contact. Nobody knew that she was dying there. Arthur looked in Merlyn's blue eyes, wanted to know what she was feeling in that moment. He decided to made few steps in her direction. 

\- I just... - he started. Yes Arthur, what the hell. Why did you come here? - I just wanted to see you, to talk with you. - he answered, looking in her eyes. She was careful with his words. She didn't trust him, like she did before. It was gone. 

\- Freo... Are we at danger? - Filla whispered to Merlyn's ear, she was standing behind her on the toes. 

\- No. Please, take knights to other room, give them water and something to eat... I need to talk to Prince alone. - Merlyn answered, looking at knights, mostly at Lancelot and Gwaine. She gave them small smile. Filla looked at Freo with suspicion in her eyes, but she went in direction of one hole in wall, and She gave a gesture to follow her, but they didn't want to do that, from many reasons. Lancelot and Gwaine probably wanted to protect Merlyn if Arthur will do something stupid again, Leon probably wanted to stay with his Prince Regent... but when Arthur nodded, they decided to go with Filla and left them alone. Merlyn and Arthur was watching, how his knights disappeared behind the wall. Then they looked at each other. They looked in their eyes. Arthur wanted so many things at once. Apologise her, ask her, hug her, kiss her... but in the end, He was only standing, and watched at her. 

\- I told Gaius, that I will come back to Camelot as I will be in full health. So... why are you here? - She asked. 

\- I... wanted to apologise you... for everything what happened to you. - He stopped, swallowed the lump - For everything you had to go through because of me. - It barely crossed his throat. She was silent, and turned her eyes away.- I know, you have every right to hate me. 

\- That change nothing. - She whispered. Merlyn went to altar again, and touched it with fingertips. Arthur went after her, standing next to the altar too, looking at her. He was trying not to see sorceress, only his Merlyn. But it was no easy. The way she was speaking, way she behaved... it wasn't like Merlyn He knew. Maybe that Merlyn was only a lie? He was trying not to think this way, but it was not simple. 

\- I don't hate you Arthur. Even if I wanted to. - she gave him sad smile. - Once I was told, that you and I are two sides of the same coin... and half cannot hate what makes it whole. - she said with blury eyes, then she looked at him. 

\- It's nice words. - he answered, he didn't know what he should think about it, but it sounded nice. He had some hope, when she said it. 

\- But that doesn't mean that I have to love you. - She said, looking directly into his eyes. This words was like knife in his heart. The whole world stopped for him, pain was unbearable. It was like... nightmare come true. She couldn't hate him, she didn't... but he knew, that everything what was between them was gone, because his mistake in judgement. He looked at her, feeling like his eyes became wet. 

\- Merlyn... please. I've done terrible mistake. I felt betrayed... - he wanted to say something more, but Merlyn put her finger on his mouth. She pulled it down after a moment, gently pulling his lower lip. He missed her touch so badly. 

\- I always knew, that I can die when I will be fulfiling my destiny, protecting you... but I never thought that you will be my executioner. I really thought that you will love me... no matter who I really am. - she said with hurted voice. She felt betrayed too, her feeling was betrayed. - I was naive. What can I do... I'm hopeless romantic. - she tired to laugh, and then she shook her head. Every her word was killing him inside.  


\- Merlyn... - he whispered, but again, Merlyn had something more important to say. He wanted to say, that he want try again, he could hide her in Camelot, nobody outside inter circle don't know about Merlyn's magic, he wanted to talk with her... understand her. 

\- There is no possibility to run away from the destiny. I couldn't choose my destiny, but I'm not going to try run away from it. I will be protecting you, Sire. - She said with emotionless voice. - But... prophecy didn't say anything that I must be on your side. I will be protecting you from shadows, you will not see me again. - The decision was taken long before he even came here, he knew that. He knew that there was no possibility to change her mind so quickly, he didn't have much time. 

\- Why did you think that protecting me is your destiny? - Arthur asked, this question was bothering him for a long time.

\- Because it is. I was born to serve you, protect you. Don't make me tell more... Knowing your own destiny is terrible burden. - she answered simply and looked away. She probably said that from experience. How much did she suffer alone? 

\- So... everything between us... 

\- Is done. - she answered quickly. Too quickly. He knew that. He knew her enough to know, that she wanted to cut subject down. Maybe... he had chance.To get her back. Maybe not everything was lost already. 

\- I know that I have done terrible thing... I can only tell that I'm sorry, and I hope that one day... I buy you drink and we call it even. - He smiled, he didn't know if she would understand what did it refer to, but by her litte, pale smile he knew that she understood. That was good times. Well, they hate each other, but even then there was something between them, he believed her, when she accused Valiant for using magic to win torunament. That was long time ago, sometimes it felt like it was diffrent life. 

\- Maybe one day... - she answered. It was terrible, knowing that she is puppet on destiny game. Knowing that if somebody said long time ago that she will forgive him, she will forgive him. Maybe desitny was no so specified, but who knows. Destiny is play we all take part. 

\- How do you feel? - he asked with care. - And don't lie to me, like you do with Filla... - he added, knowing that she will say "I'm fine". 

\- Is it order, my lord? - She answered with raised brow. 

\- Request, Freo. - He answered and name her with title, as she did with him. He saw how her face became paler when she heard her title, or whatever it was, from his lips. She knew now how he was feeling, when she started to titled him. 

\- My magic is quite stable now... but I'm wounded after fight with Morgana. I can't travel alone to Camelot. - she said truth and shrugged. She hided the pain she felt all the time, that she had big burn from Morgana's fire, and she was too rubbish with healing and stuff like that to cure herself. Filla knew something about that, but she was not strong enough to heal Merlyn. 

\- You... can come back with us. Even if.... you want to disappear in Camelot, you can come back with us. - he asked. She looked at him without trust, she was analyzing everything, but she didn't trust him. 

\- I'm not going to... hold you. Probably you could kill me If I tried. - he answered and looked down. 

\- I couldn't use my magic against you. - she whispered and sighed. He knew that already. 

\- I just... want to talk you, if you don't want about that destiny crap... I understand, but. - he stopped and sighed, searching for right words. - I want.. to know you. - he looked at her. They were so close, and still he didn't know her. She knew everything about him, and he felt that he knew only lie. 

\- I'm still the same person... but now, for you probably when you see me, you see sorceress.. or Witch, or Freo. - she shrugged and looked away. He wanted say no, but he knew that that would be a lie. 

\- I can come back with you to Camelot, you will have your time to ask questions... but that is it. - She decided, and then she looked in the way where some time ago Filla and knights went. Merlyn didn't give Arthur chance to answer her words.  

\- Let's go to them, I'm afraid what Gwaine and Filla can do if they get along. - she sighed, and then without waiting, she went there. Merlyn didn't want to be with Arthur alone no longer... it was to hard to her, too painful. He was standing in one place for few second, and then he went with her to another room, where was his knights. Nymph was guite... scatterbrained and uncouth. Arthur saw that she is in pain, when she walks. She was quite good with hiding it, how often she was suffering and he didn't know? He gave her punishment, because he thought she was lazy? 

At the same time, Filla went with knights to the 'room' which could be dining room long time ago, but there was still solid stone table with chairs. Filla with gesture suggested them to sit. Cups of water appeared on the table, knights guessed that was magic. Some of them had problems with drinking it, like Leon or Elyan. But on the other hand, Gwaine didn't have thaat problem, he just drank and sighed with relief after quenching his thirst.  


\- Hey! Who are you? - Lancelot looked at new woman in the room, where was Filla? 

\- Eee... It is me? Filla? I changed my look, I thought that more human look will be less... deterrent? - she answered and sit on the table. She looked like young human woman, with long brown hair, her skin was pale, but she didn't have that strange color. 

\- You can do that? Cool. - Gwaine answered, this two didn't have any problems with talking with magical creature. 

\- There are spells which change appirance, but this is my natural ablility. - She explained. 

\- Could you look like Percival? - Gwaine asked with smile, and looked at Percival. That could be fun! Filla laughed, and shook her head. 

\- Maybe... after many months of watching him. To change in somebody, I must learn him... I could be weird, be so biiig... Do you want something to eat? - Filla's voice was cheerful when she explained how her ability works, she was happy that at least one of them was curious about it!

\- Soo... do you look like somebody now? - Leon asked carefully, ignoring her question about food. 

\- Yeah, Like one girl from Blood Guard before great purge. - She answered. For knights that was weird, that she is wearing face of person who is long dead, but for her it was normal, normal like breathing.

\- Blood Guard? - Elyan asked, and looked at Filla.

\- Freo said, that it can be... sensitive topic now. - she answered and looked at knights. Freo told her what Morgause have done with rest of Blood Guards. Evil, twisted witch. - Soo.. do you wanna eat something? 

\- What do you have? - Gwaine smirked. 

\- Whatever. You. Want. - She answered with smile. 

\- Roasted chicken. - He said without doubt, few knights chuckled when they heard their friend. Filla smiled, and her eyes became yellow, maybe little gold, but mostly yellow. Quite diffrent like magicans they saw. Chicken appeared on the table, Gwaine laughed. 

\- I like you! - he exclaimed, and brought up a plate of chicken. He took its leg and bite, then he looked at his fellow knights, and smiled. - Loosers. - and returned to eating. - Can you change this water in ale? - he asked after few seconds, Filla looked like she wanted to do that, but Leon looked at her. 

\- Please, don't do that. - first knight said and Gwaine sighed and murmured something. Leon didn't want to see how this could ended, when Gwaine would have unlimited source of ale. That would be disaster. 

\- You can do such things with magic? - Lancelot asked, he was quite suprised. He saw Merlyn, when she was using combat magic or something like that, but using magic like this? To create chicken, or ale... it seemed strange. 

\- That was my role, when this temple was full of magic. We, nymphs were companions to prists. From Freo told me, we were something like servants, but on more... friendly terms. I know only... 'servant's magic' how Freo described. - Filla smiled. But everything changed when Uther attacked temple. When prists where slaughtered, and magic of this place where dying. 

\- Soo... you are Merlyn's servant? - Leon asked, that sounded weird. 

\- She hates when I suggest such thing... and no. She is doing everything by herself. She was lonely here, I was only person she could talk with. Well... to the moment when evil witches-bitches showed up. - Filla answered, and whispered _'eorðberge'_ after that in her hand showed up strawberry, which she ate. Knights were  amazed how Filla described Morgana and her sister. 

\- What? - she asked, when her mouth was full with strawberry.  

\- You... nothing. - Leon wanted to say something, but he changed his mind, and Filla shrugged. - Can you change your look at previous one? It is weird... - _to see person who is long dead._ He finished in his mind, Filla only nodded, and she returned to her original look. It happened just like that, when they blinked, they saw Filla-the nymph. Then, Arthur and Merlyn entered the room. She looked at knights with little smile, Merlyn was not sure how they would react. Lancelot and Gwaine stood up from the table, and came to her, to hug her. First was Lancelot, who hugged her, whispered her something to ear, what made her smile. Arthur was jealous again... he couldn't allow himself to do such a thing. Merlyn wouldn't want that. No matter how much he wanted to close her in his arms. Next was Gwaine, who smiled widly and hugged her and p icked up from the ground. She started to laugh, even if Gwaine was making her pain. He was always for her like brother. Sometimes big one, who wanted to protect her, and sometimes the little one, and Merlyn had to invent him excuses because his stupidity. The rest of knights came too, they missed her and she missed them. She had Filla there, but it was not the same. She was still lonely, and she will be. So, this joruney to Camelot will be last time, where she could talk with them. After that, she was planning to live in shadow. She had idea about it. 

\- We are going back to Camelot. - She announced, making knights quite shocked... they didn't think that Arthur and Merlyn will get along so easily... they didn't know that they won't. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo... hello and goodbye to the Isle of Blessed, at least for now.  
> I hope, that you like my way of Arthur and Merlyn reunion, do not worry, they will have few chance to talk each other, but who knows if it change something. I wanted to create more... human Merlyn. Not all forgiving and loving Merlyn. I know, Merlin/Merlyn should be that way, but... sometimes this is too much. I think, that if Arthur and Merlyn would be friends, she would forgive him... but when they were in love. Well, love is quite selfish and complicate things.  
> And.. I decided to create Filla! I hope you like her <3  
> I thought about writing some retro, what do you think? Some scenes from s1-s3 I have few ideas.  
> So... like always, I apologise for every error in my work and...  
> See ya in next chapter :D


	6. Questions

_Merlyn was running and laughing, she turned back and saw Will, who tried to catch her. She ran as fast as she could, still laughing._

_\- You can't catch me. - she said with smile, still running. Will said something back, but she was not sure what, it was blured by wind and that she was in run, but she laughed. Then, she fall. She had stumbled, but she didn't hit the ground, only stopped unnaturally a few centimeters above the ground. She used magic. She got up as quickly as she could, nobody could see this. She looked around, firstly she saw Will, who finally caught up her. _

_ \- Are you alright? - he asked, she was still in shock.  _

_ \- Yeah... You catch me. - she answered after a while with little, terrified smile. Then she saw her mother, who was looking at her. She swallowed hard. - I have to come back, See you later Will.  _

_ After those words, she went to her mother, who was looking at her with mix of anger and fear. Hunith took Merlyn's hand at dragged her to home. Merlyn knew, that she should keep her magic in secret, but it... happened. Her mother closed the door and crouched to look her seven years old daughter in eyes.  _

_ \- You can't use magic like this, Merlyn. I told you. - she tried to be calm.  _

_ \- But... Mom... I-I... - Merlyn tried to explain herself, but her mother interupted her.  _

_ \- Merlyn, listen. When somebody will find out about your magic, they will take you away. - Hunith's voice was serious, it scarred little Merls. She looked Merlyn directly in eyes. - They will take you and kill you. - she added. It was hard, to tell your own child something like that, but Merlyn had to realise that she can't be careless. Ealdor is far too close to Camelot to be safe, and too close to Essetir Capitol to be safe from King's hands. They stuck in the middle, and Merlyn was in danger, probably will be by all her life. She had to learn. Merlyn was silent, she only looked at her mother with fear in her eyes.  _

_ \- Promise me Merlyn, you won't tell about your magic to anybody. - Hunith said, Merlyn opened her lips to say something, but then Hunith added. - Promise me, child. - her voice broke. - Promise me, that you will be careful, you will not trust with your magic to anybody.  _

_ \- I promise. - Merlyn answered. - I am going to be carefull. - she nodded.  _

\- _Repeat after me. 'I will never trust with my magic to anybody from Camelot or from Essetir' - Hunith demanded._

_\- I will never trust with my magic to anybody from Camelot or from Essetir. - Merlyn said and nodded. Hunith hugged her child and burried her face in Merlyn's neck. Merlyn hugged her back._

Then she woke up. She looked around, remembering where she was. She was returning to Camelot with knights and prince regent. She coughed, that was her mother's nightmare probably. It was early morning, they didn't have chance to return to Camelot in the same day that they left Isle it was too late. They had to stop in the middle and made camp. Sir Leon and Elyan went to hunt for something for supper. Merlyn took little nap, she  was constantly getting tired, her wound was not healed completly, but she decided to come back. Why? Well... Morgana was opt to something, she had to be careful. She looked around. Percival was feeding hourses, Arthur with Gwaine and Lancelot was sitting close to her, around the fireplace. She rose and sat on the ground, they looked at her and went silent. Then Leon and Elyan came back with hunted hares. 

\- Give it to me. I will prepare them - Merlyn said and reached her hand to Leon, to take hares from him. She was always cooking when they were away from Camelot. Leon looked uncertain, but he gave it to her. She took a knife from her little bag and started to prepare hares in silent. 

\- I thought that I will never see you in dress, Merls. - Gwaine said with smile, tried to break the tension. Merlyn smiled, still looking at hare, but she smiled. She was still wearing white dress from Isle. Merlyn sometimes wore dress, like this one which Arthur gave her... but she prefered 'boyish look'. 

\- My previous clothes was burned by Morgana's fireball. That dress is Filla's idea. - She answered truly. That was something new for her, she used to lie with matters like this. Make excuses. Now there was no need, they knew about her magic, and they probably knew that she was fighting with Morgana. She was not sure, but she was almost certain that Gaius told them. Some of them sighed, when they heard Morgana's name. 

\- Well... Now I understand her. More than ever. - Merlyn shrugged. 

\- What? - Gwaine asked in shock, Merlyn looked at him. 

\- I say, that I understand Morgana now. I always know what she have to be through, but now... well... left alone to die, betrayed by everybody that she trusted. Yeah. I understand now. - Merlyn sighed and turn her eyes to the hare again. She felt that Morgana had felt. She had long time to think about everything what happened in Camelot, when she was on Isle. Lancelot have always known about her magic, but he didn't visit her too. It was never a problem, to help her 'under Arthur's nose'. Gwaine went with her even if conditions was... well... perilous, but he didn't help her too. There was no point of saying about Arthur, who was creator of her doom. She looked at their terrified faces and laughed short.

\- You don't need to worry, I'm not planning to destroy Camelot or something like that. I understand her, but that doesn't mean that I will follow her, but I can't blame her... -  Merlyn answered with little sad smile. _I can only blame myself._ Merlyn could tell, that they were afraid of her, she knew that.

\- We didn't left you to die, we didn't know. - Lancelot said, but Merlyn almost burst out laughing.

\- Please. When I said that I'm going after cup of life, you went with me without word, for certain death... but slip through two retarded guards was too hard? - she asked with blame in her voice, looking at Lancelot but then she looked at all knights, one by one. She didn't expected Leon to be on her side, when something would broke between her and Arthur, but Gwaine and Lancelot? Yeah... she thought that she will always have their backup. Lancelot helped her to contact with The Great Dragon, but... it was not enough. Then she didn't even think about all of this from perspective. Lancelot looked down, she saw guilt on his face. Once she would tell, that was not his fault, but not today.

\- If you think that we all betrayed you... why are you coming back? - Arthur asked and looked at her, there was no complaint in his voice... more pure curiosity and pain. He remembered Merlyn's words, that she is planning to do 'her job' still, no matter what Arthur is going to do with her. She will not allow them to kill her, because she have to protect them. Even if they want to kill her. 

\- Well... I'm not Morgana, right? I still care. Even if some thing are unforgivable. - She tried to be calm, didn't show her emotions. It was painful, but... she couldn't pretend that things will be like they were before. 

\- That is why you are planning to 'protecting us from shadows'? Because you want to protect us, but do nothing with us? - Lancelot asked. 

\- More or less... well... Magic is still illegal if I'm correct. I can't be in Camelot in theory. - she answered. - You can search all castle, you will never find me. - she was sure of her statement. She knew castle very well, better than all of them together, and she had magic. That was always enough. - I won't give your occasion to the feast. \- she snorted 

\- You think that we would celebrate your death? - Leon asked with shock. 

\- First what I saw, when I came. It was execution of James Collins... as Gaius described it as "Firstday lesson", you will be caught, you will be killed. - She answered while she was preparing second hare. 

\- There was other lessons? - Elyan asked without thinking. His words made Merlyn laugh. 

\- Yeah, there was a lot of them. Second one was, that no matter how much I know. My word is meaningless. - She said and put hares to the cauldron, which was prepared by Leon. - It was about Valiant case. I knew that he was using magic to win tournament. I saw it. But I'm simple maid, my word means nothing. I tried to do something, but only managed to lose my job. - she was telling them her story and prepering supper in the same time. 

\- That lesson was easy. Third one was hard. I was careless with my magic, and Gwen almost died because that. - She answered. - When disease spreed by low town... I could save them all, you know? Every mother, every child, every brother... but I couldn't because I had to save my own life. But I couldn't watch when Gwen was losing her father. - She sighed, remembering that day was hard. Gwen almost died because of her. Elyan looked at Merlyn with shock. He didn't knew about it, but he figured out what happened. Merlyn used magic to heal his father, and Gwen was accused. 

\- When... you were shouting in front of King, that you are sorceress...-  Leon said, remembering when Merlyn entered to council meeting and started to say that she is sorceress. 

\- I couldn't let Gwen die for my mistakes. - Merlyn shrugged. 

\- Are you mad?! You don't know value of life?! - Gwaine was shocked. Did Merlyn know about something called self preservation instinct?! Merlyn looked at him with... saddness in her eyes. 

\- Oh... I know how much value is my life. Another Lesson from Camelot. It is worth 300 gold pieces.  - Merlyn snorted. Elyan, Gwaine, Lancelot and Percival didn't know what she had on her mind, but Leon and Arthur was troubled, they knew what she is saying about. Merlyn's words were... harsh for them. Gwaine looked at them. 

\- What? - he asked, looking at prince and first knight. 

\- It is... was... my father's standard payment for finding magic user. - Arthur answered and looked at Merlyn. 

Merlyn only smiled sad, and set cauldron on fireplace. When she was thinking about it, she thought that it is quite a lot for a plebeian bastard wench. Well, maybe if Uther would know her role in Old Religion, he would pay even more, so... she was quite value. 

\- Can I use magic to create some ingredients for hare? I'm not fancy about walking in forest now for it. - She asked, changing the subject and looked at them. Of course that they didn't took everything on journey.  They can't even pack right without her. They all looked each other, but finally they all looked at Arthur it was his call. They didn't know  what to think about... eee... created by magic herbs and spices. Arthur nodded and allowed her. She closed her hands and whispered _'boðen'._ Her eyes became gold for short and after that she opened her hands and there was two twigs of thyme with she added to strew. 'S _ealt'_ she whispered next and from her fingers started to spill out pinch of salt. Filla learned her few 'cooking spells' when they were living on Isle. They were looking at her with amazement, they have never seen magic used for... so simple things. 

\- Strange feeling. - Merlyn said, she proposed to use magic, but it was strange still.

\- Yeah. - Arthur answered and looked at her. 

\- Well... you told us, that We could ask you a few question in the journey.  - Gwaine started again. 

\- Yeah, but for now you weren't... eager to do so. - Merlyn said and stirred the stew.

\- Most powerful enemy that you faced. - Gwaine asked without thinking, first think that popped into his mind. The rest of knights looked at him with shock, but then they looked at Merlyn with curious. 

\- Hmm... The Great Dragon? or Cornelius Sigan? Hmm... Cornelius Sigan. - she wondered for while, but then she decided. Then she became dragonlord it was quite easy to deal with dragon, but without dragon's help she wouldn't manage to deal with Sigan. - What? - She asked, when she saw their faces. 

\- We thought... - Leon started, but Merlyn waved her hand and interupted him. 

\- Yeah, that SOMETHING happened and his soul returned to the crystal... yeah. I happened. - She laughed. - Camelotian great obserational skills. No matter what happened, matter that we won. - that was making her laugh every time. Nobody quesioned how Sigan was defeted, how third immortal army was defeted. 

_ Gargoyles were destorying city, people were dying. Just because his selfish revange on king that was long, long dead. She was standing against him. He looked at her with smile, she thought that he was going to attack her, but that didn't happen. He looked at her with... quite charming smile.  
_

_ \- Who would've believed it? - he started. - You a sorceress... and the powerful one. - he said.  _

_ \- I won't let you hurt him - she hissed.  _

_ \- And you're going to stop me? - He smiled wilder, like she was little child, playing with fire.  _

_ \- I'll stop you. - she tried to sound certain, didn't allow herself to feel fear. She looked at him with sure, but he only smiled. He pulled his hand before himself, she thought that he is going to attack her, but in his hand appeared single white rose. She was in shock.. what is he doing? Merlyn didn't notice when Sigan came closer and gave her white rose. She took it without thought, later she realised how stupid it was.  _

_ \- He does not deserve you. - He whispered and stood behind her, whispering to her ear. He brushed her hair off her neck, she felt his breath on her neck, felt a shiver that went across her all body. - He treats you like a slave. - Sigan added.  _

_ \- That's not true... - Merlyn answered but she didn't managed to move away from him. She felt his hands on her waist.  _

_ \- He cast you aside without a moment's thought.... I would never cast away such beauty. - his whisper dugged into her brain, she felt... appreciated.  _

_ \- That doesn't matter. - She answered.  _

_ \- But it must hurt so much to be so put upon, so overlooked, when all the while you have such power... I know Merlyn. I know and I would never overlooked you. - He whispered and kissed her pale neck.  _

_ \- That... - she wanted to say something more, but his kisses were intoxicating. She felt like she would collapse into his arms.  _

_ \- Does it? You're young, Merlyn. Look inside yourself. You have yet to discover your true power. I can help you. You could be my queen, you are the most beautiful and powerful woman. - he was still whispering. Like he was talking to his beloved lover. She... she didn't know what she should think. It was so... so... she shouldn't, but he was so... no. He was so intoxicating, Sigan was taking from her ability to clear thinking. She was melting in his arms. Merlyn felt how he turned her around that she was looking directly at him, straight into his eyes.  _

_ \- Together we can rule over this land. Arthur will tremble at your voice, he will kneel at your feet. - he whispered and lower himself to kiss her.  _

_ Arthur. No... she didn't want that. She didn't want to rule. No, she was not a queen material. She didn't want to rule with evil. She didn't want to be evil. She pushed Sigan away and dropped his rose on ground.  _

_ \- I don't want that. - she said.  _

_ \- So be it... If I can't rule with you... I will become you. - he said and tried to possess her.  _

\- Merlyn. - She heard Arthur's voice, she looked at him, realising that she was staring at fire for some time, when she was thinking about 'fight' with Sigan. She still didn't know if that rose was enchanted in some way, that made her thinking that way, or it was Sigan doing or... it was herself. The last option scared her.  


\- Hm? Oh... Sorry. I was thinking about fight with Sigan. He was creep. - She laughed, trying to hide her true thoughts. 

\- Creep? - Elyan asked and raised his brow. Yeah. Cornelius Sigan, character from stories that some mothers use to scaring children when they do not want to go to sleep. Everybody was scarred of his magic and power, and she just described him as creep. They wondered what happened in this fight that Merlyn described him in this way. Arthur remembered that once Merlyn say in such way about Valiant.

\- Yeah. I would create my own kingdom, when everytime when someone would give me one gold piece everytime somebody says 'We could rule world together.' - She smiled and looked at straw. - Well.... another question. - She looked at them. 

\- Did you used magic on us or someone we know? - Leon asked and looked at Merlyn. She knew that 'someone we know' mean someone good. That he didn't mean Morgana or somebody like her. She sighed. 

\- Few times. I used it even on you. When I was reversing Goblin's spells, saving yours pretty completely covered in boils. - She smiled, remembering Goblin's spells. All story almost ended with Gaius' death, but she could smile when she was thinking about it's pranks. 

\- So... you were reversing, they didn't reverse themselves after Goblin was prisoned... - Arthur started to talk, thinking about something... and Leon started to laugh hard when he realised that fact. Lancelot started to laugh to, Gwen told him this story. Gwaine, Percival and Elyan didn't know the subject so they were sitting and waiting as somebody will tell them what is going about. 

\- I was just to good! - Merlyn laughed too, Arthur wasn't angry... more like embarrassed.

\- Could somebody initiate us? - Gwaine asked. 

\- When Goblin was relised, he did few pranks in Camelot. On Uther, knights, on Arthur... - Merlyn started, but she couldn't finish, because she was laughing. 

\- I had Doney's ears and voice. - Arthur addmited with embarrassment. 

\- What?! - Gwaine shouted and laughed as the rest of knights. For few minutes it was normal... like always. They were laughing, Arthur was throwing things at Gwaine, they were telling themselves stories about living in Camelot. For while things were normal, but then Merlyn coughed to stop laughing. They all realised the way they behaved, like things were normal. Merlyn rose and started to dish up. 

\- So... what about diffrent cases, when you used magic at us? - Leon asked. 

\- Well... I used my magic on Uther to heal him, when Edwin wanted to kill him with those ugly bugs. - She started to thinking about it. _She... healed his Father?_ Arthur thought. She had every reason to hate him, but still she healed him. He didn't remembered who Edwin was, but it didn't seem to be important. She saved his father, knowing that Uther would killed her if he would find out. 

\- I tried to lift Love Spell from Arthur few times. - she sighed and looked into the sky, searching in her mind cases, where she used magic on someone she liked. - I didn't remember nothing more, but there could be some healing spells or something like that. - she shrugged and started eating her straw. Merlyn looked at knights. They looked like they were testing if created by magic thyme taste like normal thyme or something like that. 

\- What about that 'Freo' thing? - Percival asked. - I lived with druid for some time... are you really... her? 

Merlyn looked at Percival with suprise, she swallowed food that she had in mouth. She was thinking what she should say. Knights were in shock that he knew something and didn't say them, but he realised that when he heard when Filla named her Freo. 

\- How much did you know? - she asked. 

\- Not much... I know that is druid prophecy about Once and Future King, the greatest king of them all and his guardian - Freo, the most powerful Witch that ever walked earth. - Percival answered and looked at Merlyn. 

\- Yeah, I'm Freo. And there is sitting Once and Future King. - She pointed with spoon on Arthur. 

\- What?! - Arthur exclaimed with shock. That was... a lot to take. The greatest king of them all? There was a lot great kings. He couldn't be the greatest, he even wasn't king yet. Merlyn sighed, Percival said very heart of the matter, so there was no much to hide. 

\- Like Percival said... some things were foretold many years ago. My live, Arthur's live, meeting of round table, Morgana being evil... - she said and stopped eating, looking at fire. She was thinking if she could change something, if she was only poppet at Destiny's Great Act. Could she prevent Morgana's fate? Trust her, be friend to her, find another way to save Camelot that day. 

\- 'Broken Reflection'? - Lancelot quoted the dragon's words. 

\- Yeah. That is a part of prophecy. There is 'right version' prophecy. It was never writed on paper, so in every druid camp you will hear diffrent story, but some parts remain the same. - Merlin sighed. - Every I heard said about darkness to Freo's light, hatred to her love. Anger to her  gentleness and so on... The same but diffrent. One will be doom of another. - she said and realised what she said. She shouldn't say about that. That prophecy said what one witch will kill another, so she decided to change topic quickly. She didn't want to kill Morgana, she still felt some... connection with her, but there was another lesson from Camelot, fighting with destiny is quite pointless... she didn't want to think about it more. It made her headache. 

\- Arthur's 'inter circle' was foretold too. When Courage met Loyalty - she looked at Leon with little smile. 

\- ...Strength. - She looked at Gwaine, she saw that he realised something, but he didn't interupt her. 

\- ...Kindness, that's Gwen. Wisdom is Gaius. - She added and explained because they weren't here and returned to eating after this few example, when she swallowed, she continued. 

\- ...Honor - she looked at Percival. 

\- ...and Valor. - She looked at Elyan. - And Magic, that's me of course. - she added and returned to eating. They all knew that she skipped one person, they all looked at Lancelot and then at Merlyn. 

\- I think that prophecy forgot about one person, Merls. - Gwaine commented with smile. 

\- Oh no... Lancelot is there, but I skipped it, because he already knows and I don't want make him blush again. - She smiled and looked at Lancelot, he raised his brow like he didn't know what she is talking about, then... boom. Information hit him like punch in the face, he was shocked to say something. Merlyn only smiled and returned to her food before it got cold. 

\- Come on Lance, if you know, tell us. Probably it is something with your new hairstyle, right? - Gwaine asked and rubbed his friend's hair. Merlyn and few knight snorted, who like who but Gwaine should be name after his 'perfect' hairstyle. 

\- No, Merlyn must be wrong. - Lancelot shook his head. 

\- ...and there was one more, the bravest and the most noble of them all. - she smirked and put empty plate on her side. That evening was full of shocking information, but probably knowing about druid's prophecy was the biggest one. No every day somebody learn that his life was foretold many, many years ago. 'Hear Hear!' Few knight reacted with smile, but Lancelot was quite abashed. 

\- I'm not worth of that title. - Lancelot answered finally. 

\- And I'm not the most powerful witch that ever walked earth, Arthur is not even king yet. One day my friend... one day. - Merlyn answered with smile. She might be powerful, but she knew that even now, without Dragon's help wouldn't be a mach for Cornelius Sigan for example, there was in history more powerful ones than her... but she knew that her power rised by past few years and. Arthur was prattish prince, now He is little less prattish prince regent. He will be good King, even if she felt betrayed she still believed in him. She realised that maybe she will create Albion with Arthur, but not for herself. 

\- Our little quest, there was this dwarf who named me Strength. - Gwaine said and looked at Merlyn, who nodded. 

\- Yeah, he probably knew about this prophecy. - She answered. 

\- And he said to me, that I'm Courage and I will need Strength and Magic to complete my quest. - Arthur said. 

\- What? How didn't you realise? You were dumb enough to went... there, so you had to be courage. And there is no doubt that Merlyn couldn't be Strenght! - Gwaine exclaimed and looked at Arthur. 

\- Yeah, like I said. Deduction is not a strong side in Camelot. - Merlyn answered with smile. She knew that Gwaine didn't hear that Geritt called her per "Magic", but she didn't know that he said to Arthur that he would need Magic and Strenght. 

\- What are you talking about? - Leon asked. 

\- Ohh... our little, dirty secret. - Merlyn waved her hand and smiled. 

\- We should go sleep. - Arthur decided, he didn't want to talk about it. - I will take first shift. - he added. 

\- Second one. - Lancelot volunteered. 

\- Last one. - Leon said. 

After some cleaning after supper, they decided to get some sleep. Of course some knights tried to ask about this 'little, dirty secret' but nobody tell them. That was between Arthur, Gwaine and Merlyn. Arthur was sitting, leaning against a tree and looked somewhere, at some point between trees. He had a lot to think about, that is why he took a shift, he knew that he wouldn't sleep anyway. He realised that he almost didn't talk with Merlyn, only little. He didn't know what to say, what he should say. They both felt betrayed by the other one, but... Merlyn saved Arthur's life... Arthur almost killed her. He didn't know what Merlyn had done with Morgana, what had happened there, between them, but when Merlyn compared herself to Morgana, he felt pain inside his heart. It seemed like everything was about endless betrayals. What would happened if Merlyn followed Morgana? Could he kill her? Could she kill him? And that thing about being the Greatest king of them all? What the hell was that? What he should do with it. He knew that he would try be good king... but the greatest? That seemed impossible. He didn't have problem with Lancelot being 'the bravest and the most noble of them all', because that was truth, he knew that already. 

_\- Don't think to much, you will hurt yourself -_ he heard familiar voice inside his head. 

_\- What? Merlyn? How?_ _-_ He looked in her direction, she was looking at him. He didn't know if she heard his questions inside his mind. 

_\- Telepathy. I didn't want to wake up the rest. I don't read your thoughts, I only hear the one you want to send me. -_ He heard her voice again and looked at her with amazement. Only magic users could use telepathy to talk, but she was powerful enough to create conduit to talk with no-magic person. She didn't try that, but she had to use her magic now. She had to using her magic often than always, because it was taking control often because her wound and she decided to try. Probably it was easier because Arthur was born from magic, but that was only her guess.  

\- _Don't think about it. This only will give you a headache. -_ She said after while. 

\- _Speaking from your own experience? - _Arthur tried to ask her, he didn't know how it works.

\- _Yeah._ \- Quick answer. 

\- _You are doing this only because destiny? Protecting me? Returning to Camelot? -_ He asked, wondering if everything between them was only duty from her side. 

\- _Yes and no.-_ she answered and he could heard her sigh. -  _I don't trust you.... but I still care. This is stupid. I should leave as far as I can... but there is still Morgana and she is not going to rest before Camelot will be her. I can't let it happen, to many person could die. Person I care about, even if they don't care about me. It is stupid really... -_ She answered and looked into the sky. She was stupid. They almost killed her, why did she was coming back to protect them? Because she didn't want them get killed by Morgana's magic. They had no chance against her. Arthur sighed and rubbed his forehead. 

\- _I care about you Merlyn... I still love you. -_ Surprisingly it was easier to 'say to her' in their mind than say it out loud. He looked at her, she was still staring into the sky without any words of thoughts in his direction. 

\- _Goodnight Arthur._ \- She answered and broke the conduit, then she  lay on her side, lying back to Arthur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ofc. Dialogue between Merlyn and Sigan is mostly taken from Merlin 2x01 "Curse of Cornelius Sigan".  
> Well here we are, I wrote two flashbacks and I show more Merlyn's thoughts about it. Something I wanna do more often.  
> I was wondering how Merlyn should look like, I was thinking about some actress, but I decided that Liv Tyler as Arwena from LOTR is most similar to the Merlyn in my mind.  
> In next chapter we'll come back to Camelot.  
> And... probably I will write AU for flashback with Sigan in my one-shot collection, I like them xD  
> So... like always, I apologise for every error in my work and...  
> See ya in next chapter :D


	7. White Widow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song, which I was listening by time of writing: Halsey - Sorry

Merlyn was first who woke up, it was some time before sunrise. She rose and looked around, she saw Leon who was on the last shift and smiled in his direction. She started to packing things on horses, when rest of knights started waking.  After decampment they sat on their horses and moved in Camelot direction. Merlyn was not sure if she is doing right thing. She knew that she must come back to Camelot, but... she was scared. Maybe knights didn't want her death, but they weren't only people in Camelot, who knew about her magic. Probably it was favourite gossip's subject. Prince's personal maidservant was magic user. No matter that Merlyn was always helpful for another servants, even if she had much job with her own duties. Hatred for magic was deep in Camelot. When she was announced as magic user and thrown into dungeons, for many she stopped being human. Merlyn became guilty for every misfortune in Camelot, that cake didn't grow properly, that there was heavy rain and corps didn't  survive that, that Mary broke her leg year ago. Uther could spreed hatred for magic, but why was he succesful? Because hate is easy. Great purge of magic will never be only about magic. Humans always feared the alien, the odd. The neighbor became the greatest foe. But she had to come back. Destiny. Her favourite word.  

Gwaine and Lancelot felt guilty after yesterday talking. They felt guilty before, but it increased after Merlyn told them that they didn't help her, even that there was no obstacle which could stop them before. Perilous Lands, Immortal army... but bloody dungeon in Camelot was too much. They looked each other back then, when they were sitting around fire, and they knew that they were feeling the same  damned guilt. Knights could apologise Merlyn, but they knew, that wouldn't change nothing, they had to be better next time, for their little Merls, little sister. She could be Freo, most powerful magic user or whatever she is for magic users, but for them, she always was and will be little Merls. Clumsy girl who needs protection, and they failed her on easy task.They could just visit her, ignore the orders and just visit her. They would see her poor state sooner. 

\- So... Merls, What about that gossips about you and Leon? - Gwaine asked with smirk. He was trying to gave them a bit of a normal conversation.

\- Hang on, What?! - Arthur was shocked. 

Leon and Merlyn started to laugh. 

\- This topic is soooo old.  I know from the gossips came from. But they are not real, you know that. - Merlyn answered with smile, everybody knew that her heart belongs to Arthur... even now, when situation between them is hard. 

\- But I am curious of their origins. - Not only Gwaine was curious of that, knights knew about this quite old gossip, nobody was telling it now, but there was time when this gossip was quite popular. Arthur didn't know that there was gossip like this at all. Merlyn looked at Leon, he understood her unverbal message and explained. 

\- Nothing interesting, really. Once, I was helping Merlyn  mucking out stables. You looked like you would have fainted, actually... eh... well... Morgana asked me to help you. And then few servants started talking that knight wouldn't help servant if he wasn't in love with her. - Leon shrugged. 

\- Oh... I didn't know that was Morgana's doing. How charming. - Merlyn snorted and rolled her eyes. She shouldn't be suprised, everyone was doing that what Morgana said back then. She was lovely king's ward after all. Merlyn always suspected that Leon had little crush on her back then, but whatever it was it died as Morgana was announced as evil, crazy and twisted. 

\- What? - Elyan asked and looked at Merlyn, sarcasm in her voice was clear as bell. 

\- Well.. I was looked like I could've fainted, because I was dying by two days after she and her sister left me to die. - Merlyn voice was emotionless, it was past. She felt everyone eyes on her, so she sighed and cut the topic with simple 'story for another time.'  


When Morgana returned to Camelot... Merlyn wanted believe that she is good, but I couldn't. It would be to good to be real. She was dying by two days from Serket posion. She'd thought that was hard. Yeah, there was something with Pendragons and leaving for slow and painful death, wasn't it? She didn't want to think in that way, but it was... hard. They became silent, even little talks finally, they went to dark topics. Then, she realised, that Arthur wasn't no longer on the front of the group, that he slowed his horse to riding with Merlyn, who was in the back. She looked in his eyes, trying to figure it out what he was feeling that moment. For her that was unknown mix, but Arthur felt pain and guilt, when he realised what she is talking about, what event. He didn't know what happened to her, but he knew that she disappeared for two days and when she returned, she told him that she was dying. He didn't believe her and told her not to joke in that way even. The knights moved little faster, to gave their love birds chance to talk alone. 

\- Looking good oportunity to give the slip? - Arthur asked quite quiet, Merlyn only smiled. Then Arthur reached to his bag and took something from it. He was looking on something in his hand. She didn't know what it is, but she was curious. He rubbed this circle object and then he gave it to her. She took it carefully. 

\- It is my Mother sigil. - Arthur explained. 

\- It's beautiful. - Merlyn answered with little smile, but then she realised what he wanted. - No.... Arthur. I can't take it. - She wanted to give it back, but he didn't reach to take it from her. 

\- Please. I want you to have it.... I know that what I have done is unforgivable... to be honest I don't know what to think about everything, about you, about me, about us, but I will.. - he wanted to tell 'will always love you' but it was harder than he thought. - You will always have special place in my heart. I want you to take it. - He said with sad smile. 

\- Thank you - she whispered after while and smiled back to him, then she looked at sigil. - _Elhygd_ \- she murmured and Percival's horse started to  snort and kick. Arthur looked at his horse, when Percival was trying to calm it down, knights turned to check what happened with that horse, but then they realised, that was simple distraction, because when nobody was looking at Merlyn, she just disappeared. Arthur was looking around like madman, trying to find her. She was gone, without even proper goodbye. After while, Arthur sighed hard and decided to come back to Camelot.  


First thing which he did after coming back was visiting Gaius, he told him what had happened on the Isle. Gaius was taking it quite well, Arthur realised that he knew about all this destiny thing. _Of course he knew. Why am I even suprised?_ But then he started to ask if Gaius knew where Merlyn could have been hiding in Camelot. She was so sure that she will protect Arthur from shadow, she was a servant, Arthur knew that servants know Castle probably better than himself, Merlyn probably knew it even better than typical servant. Gaius said that he didn't know. Arthur was not sure if Gaius is lying or he really didn't know. He sighed hard and after saying goodbye he left the chamber. He had to focus on his duties, but it was not easy. He wanted to convince Merlyn to change her mind, he knew that she couldn't be legaly in Camelot, but at least she could tell him and knights inter circle where she is. Maybe she didn't want that, because she didn't trust them? That thought made him sick. Days passed by and nobody saw Merlyn in Camelot. Arthur asked his trusted knights to search her in Camelot, but they didn't find anything. She  disappeared in thin air. Arthur thought about her every day, every night. Then he was going to sleep he was thinking about the times, when Merlyn was always here to kiss him and tell him Goodnight, and when he was waking up, he expected to see her exclaiming "Rise and Shine!" but it never happened. His birthday was coming and he could think about better present than seeing Merlyn again.

He was on meeting with knights, typical conversation about patrols, but then young knight, Sir Adrian decided to raise one point.

\- Sire, what about all of this gossips about White Widow? - he said. - I know this is only fairy tales of old maidservants but really this is like somekind of plague. - Adrian shook his head and looked at the king.

\- What gossips? - Lancelot asked and looked at young knight.

\- You didn't hear about them? - he asked and raised his brow. - I heard few conversations about it. Mostly between servants. There are few people who claim that they saw it, her or whatever it is. - Adrian replied lightly.

\- Go on...  - Arthur looked at his young knight. 

\- Eh... They say that Castle is hunted by spirit of the young widow. That she died in her wedding day and she is still wearing white dess for her wedding. She slips between the corridors of the castle in search of her fiancée. \- Adrian told this story with bored voice. It was only tale of old ladies in kitchen, but he heard it few times, they supposed to end this rumors, there was no ghost in the castle. Arthur looked at Lancelot, then at Gwaine and rest of his inter circle, checking if they think about the same. Lancelot's eyes widened when he realised. Story was fake, but 'spirit' maybe was not. It could be Merlyn. 

\- I want to see servants who claimed too see that ghost. It is probably nothing, but worth checking. Is it all? - Arthur answered to Sir Adrian, and then he turned to rest of the knights. There was nothing to add, so the meeting ended. Knights left the room, except Leon, Elyan, Percival, Gwaine and Lancelot. 

\- Do you think it is her? - Eylan asked. 

\- I'm sure of it. Who else could it be? - Arthur asked and rolled his eyes. They knew that she is somewhere around, she couldn't be undetected in the castle all eternity, but he was suprised by all of this spirit thing. How did she manage that? Why nobody take her as a intruder? 

\- Do you think it is wise to... look after her? You know... - Lacelot sighed. If they will find her, that will be no problem, but if other knights will find her... it can end wrong. Arthur rubbed his forehead. 

\- I don't know. I'm not planning to give order to everybody to search her... but I can ask with this few servant, we need to know what they know. - Arthur answered and then gave the order to leave him alone. He had to think about it. White widow. Poor nickname. Dead lady looking for her probably dead fiancée. It could be their description. Of course, Arthur never proposed to Merlyn and they didn't die physically... but something died between them that day. Trust. She was lying to him all of this years, and he almost killed her. Merlyn officaly was dead and even after her 'dead' she was still looking after him. Maybe that story was not as fake as he thought. Arthur went to Gaius, to check if he know something about this 'ghost thing'.   


\- Sire... - Gaius said when Arthur entered his chambers. 

\- Do you heard this stories about ghost in the Castle? - Arthur asked directly and closed doors behind him.

\- Yes, I heard. - Old man nodded. - And I know that it is Merlyn... she is using perception spell. Quite powerful I didn't know that she is familiar with it. - Gaius shrugged and looked at bowl with herbs, which he was crushing with the mortar.

\- Perception spell? - Arthur raised his brow and came closer to the table. 

\- It is affecting perception of everybody who is looking in her direction. - Gaius explained and sighed. - She is not invisible. - old man added after few seconds. 

\- So... Merlyn is walking around and we can't see her? - Arthur felt anger but tried to calm down it. Knowing that Merlyn could be here, in this room, and he can't see her was... more than annoying. - Why did someone see her? - he asked before Gaius managed to answet his previous question. 

\- It is not like she is walking freely around all Castle. She is not invisible. She is hiding in Camelot, she isn't walking where she want, she has to be careful, but it is impossible to be unseen all the time and looking after you in the same time. - Gaius answered with calm voice. Arthur didn't want her protection, but it seemed like he had nothing to say. 

\- If she is not invisiable, so what is she? 

\- More like... undetected. If somebody looked in her direction they saw someone, but they can't say what exacly they saw. It will be like something in corner of your eye. You know that there was something, but you can't know exacly what. That's why she is believed to be ghost probably... However, I don't know from here is that story. - Gaius finished his monolog and looked at prince who was thinking about all of this what he learned. 

\- You don't know where she is hidding? - Arthur asked. He knew the answet, he asked this question few times, answer was always the same. 

\- No, I don't know, Sire. - Gaius answered as always. 

\- Do you have an idea what I should say to the people who saw her? - Arthur asked and looked at Gaius, looking for advise. Gaius was quiet for few seconds, wondering what Arthur should do. 

\- Probably for the best you should tell that there is no ghost. I hope, that Merlyn will be more careful next time. - Gaius answered. Arthur realised something... if she was careful before and she was not seen before, what happened that she was seen? Did somebody want to kill him again and she protected him and he even didn't know? Arthur sighed hard and left Gaius' chambers. Sir Adrian found him to tell him that he'd found servants who claim that they saw White Widow. He went to meet them, he didn't learn much on this meeting. Each person saw her in diffrent part of the castle, diffrent time. Sentences were consistent only in her appearance, young woman with dark hair in white dress. Nothing what he didn't know already. After that meeting, he went for training. He needed to get rid of some emotions.

His birthday. 

He never liked this day, It was his birthday, but It was day when his mother died. 

There was feast for him, many people came to celebrate this day. Lots of attractions, lots of alcohol, beautiful women. Even his father looked pleased, he talked to him normally today. That was something. But only thing that he could thing about was Merlyn. He tried to have fun, but he looked around, trying to find her in the crowd. Finally after few goblets of wine that Gwaine kept pressing on him he managed to relax a little. Knights managed to cheer him a little, they were his loyal friends. After one goblet of wine his view blurred quite hard and he decided that is enough, time to came back to the chamber, feast was ending anyway. Arthur and his knights left the room with shaky step. That was last thing that he remembered, he woke in his bed at late afternoon. His mouth was dry like Perilous Lands and he had hell of a headache. He was trying to remember what happened after he left the feast. 

_ \- I miss her so sosoososo muuuuuuuuuch! MEEEEEEERRRLLYYYNN...!  - He exclaimed.  _

_ \- I know my friend, we aaaallll miss heeer. - Gwaine patted his shoulder and belched.  _

_ \- We should find ourrr littl' Merls... com'on - Lancelot gave a suggestion leaning against the wall, because he lost his balance. They all looked at him! That was excellent idea! Lancelot always had a goood ideas!  _

_ \- But.. hushhuuussh... We can't look for herr... you knooow she will be kiiled. Let's look foor White Widow. - Gwaine noticed.   _ (Praise him for it, another way they would have troubles) _Arthur nodded, yeah. He had right._  


_\- Waaaittt... whe'ee is yourrr laaady-f'iend? - Arthur asked, looking at Gwaine._

_\- Leeeon? He is vomitiing aaaa.... the corner. Elyan is hooo-hoolding his hair. - Gwaine answered and he was waving his arms without rhyme or reason, almost punched Percival, who was almost asleep. _

_ \- Geet uup... I order you Leeon to stoop. We ha' a ghost to fin' - Arthur answered without patience, looking at 'vomit's sounds' directions. _

Arthur was realising slowly what happened that night, o my god. He didn't want to leave his chamber by next month when he was slowly remembering every thing what happened yesterday evening. Probably his knights felt the same.  


_ After Leon managed to get a grip they went by castle's halls, looking for White Widow, they almost forget that is Merlyn too. Arthur knew it on the begining, but later he forgot about it, so he ignored Gwaine's words about hitting to the ghost girl. Gwaine started to telling them some kinky poems about girls liking his dick sizes, they started conversation about their dick sizes.  _

_O my god. I don't wanna leave the bed now._ Arthur thought and He  covered his face with a pillow. But he had to rose to find a water, he was thirsty. He realised that servants left him full pitcher of water next to bed. It was mercy. He started to drank from the pitcher, but then he realised that servants and all people in citadel probably know that Prince Regent and his knights were drunk as pigs that night. He didn't want to look at himself in the mirror right now.  


_ \- Hoop hoooop.... ouurr little, beaafily ghoost... wheeereee aaaree yuuu? - It was Leon? Or Elyan? Arthur was not sure right now. They were walking on the east wing of castle, completly drunk.  _

_ \- Geez, shut up... you will scarrr' her. - Lancelot answered.  _

_ \- I? - somebody belched. - I will scare aa ghosttt? - he asked.  _

_ \- Yeaah... with your ugly face. - Gwaine answered.  _

_ They were passing by two maids, they was trying to bow to beautful ladies, but Percival fall over and they started to laugh.  _

Arthur rose from his bed with pitcher in his hand, he almost lost balance and his headache became worse. He felt dizzy as hell. Why was he so stupid to let Gwaine drunk him. Well... maybe he needed that. Since all of this he wanted to get drunk. He wanted to leave his room, to ask guards to find a servant to prepare bath for him, but when he opened doors, he stepped back and closed it again. Light was bad, bad thing. Then he realised that there was something on his table, he came closer and he realised that there were a letter, wooden figure and somekind of potion. He took the letter first.  


_ When they asked maids to find somebody to take Percival to his chambers, they went foward, looking for the ghost. They were mostly walking and telling themselves kinky, pervert stories and jokes. Then Leon started vomiting again and knights looked after him and laughed in the same time, that Leon is a girl and have weak stomach. But Arthur didn't look at Leon, but he was walking around, looking for... Merlyn. Then, he saw her for while. Her beautiful dark hair, pale face... she was laughing. Her sweet laugh. But when he turn around for second to check what was with Leon, she was no longer there.  _

He looked at envelope, there was only 'Arthur' on it. Written by familiar hand. He smiled a bit and opened it.   


_ Arthur,  _

_ Happy birthday. I know that this day is not your favourite, but I'm glad you spend it nicely. This dragon figure was made by my father. Yes, I know. I told you that I don't know my father and it was truth that day. I met him after that, day before he died. This is only thing I have after him. I want you to keep it, as you gave me your mother sigil.  _

_ There was few complications, but I managed to solve them and let you enjoy your birthday, nothing serious.  _

_ Ps. Night was pure comedy, you know? I barely could hold my laugh... but I guess you needed some relax with friends. But please, next time don't challange with Gwaine about drinking. I left you tonic on headache, probably you will need it tommorow morning.  _

He looked at wooden figure and smiled. It was nice work. He started to wondering when she met her father, why he didn't see her sad when she lost her father... or maybe he saw that but didn't contected things. She suffered far too much alone. Maybe Lancelot knows who her father was. Then he realised that there was some 'problem' on his birthday day. She was in danger again and he didn't even know about it! Again! He sighed hard, hangover reminded about itself. He took this tonic and drank it without hesitation, after that he walked to his bed and put wooden figure of dragon on nightstand. He lay down on his bed and started to reading letter from her again, and again. Having picture of her laughing from yesterday in his mind.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't like this chapter honestly... about everything and about nothing, but I hope that you will forgive me. I promise that next chapter will be more condensed, there will be more action and will be longer (I know that this chapter is shorter that previous, you can give me know if you prefer longer or shorter chapters). :D  
> However... I quite enjoyed writing drunk escapade :D  
> I was thinking about titles to chapters, do you prefer when chapters have titles or not? Let me know <3  
> And I published AU from Sigan flashback in my one-shots collection "Ad finem temporum", if you are curious.  
> So... like always, I apologise for every error in my work and...  
> See ya in next chapter :D


	8. Leon's Girlfriend?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song, which I was listening by time of writing: Arctic Monkeys - Do I Wanna Know?

Arthur's birthday was... difficult in many ways. Sneaking to his chamber and left note and gift was easy. Stoping the assassins and stay undetected all the time was harder. Knights and Arthur weren't actually helpful, they were drunk! DRUNK! ALL OF THEM! Merlyn realised that she spoiled them with feeling of safety, even if they had realised that something happened, there was no much damage, because she took care about it under their noses. How they survived this time when she was on Isle of Blessed was riddle for her, she didn't have any idea about it! There were skilled assassins in the castle and nobody noticed them! Or the fight she had with one of them. Camelot was very unobservant place or she was better in living like shadow? Like ghost. She heard rumors about spirit of widow hunting castle. Merlyn was like ghost in some way... maybe little more like guardian angel. Protecting everybody and everything from the shadows, without recognition.

She touched her side and looked at her hand. Blood. Wound was not big probably, but she realised about it quite late, she was on adrenaline rush. 

\- Shit. - She cursed and tucked up her white dress, she started cleaning her wound when she realised that something is wrong. Sweat appeared on her temples, Merlyn felt fever. She looked at her wound, there was no sign of infection, so what the hell? Oh... oh... posion. It had to be it. She wanted sleep, so badly. No, she couldn't fall asleep, _sleep and you are dead._ She thought. Merlyn wanted to whisper some spell, trying to get rid of posion but she was so tired. Sleep, sleep, slee.... 

It was late afternoon, day after Arthur's birthday when brown haired woman came to Camelot, she was stopped by citadel's gates by guards. She looked at them like she wanted to kill them. She didn't have time for such things! 

\- State your buissness, Miss. - One of the quards said. 

\- I'm looking for one of the knights, he knows me. - Woman answered and looked at the guards, who snorted. Every knight probably was healing hangover at that moment. 

\- We can't let you in, but if you tell us who are you looking, we will deliver a message. - Guard sighed. Woman was quiet for a moment, like she didn't know who is she looking for, like she was searching for any name from her friend's stories in her mind or any name of knight she remember. It was too late to enter the citadel without reason.  She looked at guard and nodded.

\- Sir Leon. - It was first name, which came to her mind.

Guards smiled.  

\- Well... you are lucky, Miss. He is outside of Citadel, he was called to the low town few minutes ago to the tavern, if you will be lucky you will catch him. - Guard answered. There was some accident in tavern, guard got into a fight so it was case for Sir Leon, probably he was not happy about it. Everybody knew about 'unknown illness' which almost every knight had that day. There was gossips that Head of the city guard was vomiting in the middle of the hall yesterday night. Woman asked about direction to the tavern and then she thanked and went there without delay. She found Leon there, who was dealing with some argue between guards. He looked like corpse, he wanted finish this as soon as he could, hell of a headche. 

\- Hello beautiful lady. - Someone told her, but she ignored it, but it caught Leon attention and he looked at newcomer. 

\- Wha-What are you doing here? - Leon was suprised as hell when he realised who is that girl. Filla... in her 'more human form'. It was still weird to know that she look like someone who is already dead, but it was not time for questions. 

\- We don't have time. She needs help. I need your help to find her. - She answered. Leon's brain worked slowly, but he realised who she had on mind. Merlyn, something is wrong with her. They left the tavern and moved to the citadel, with presence of the knight it was not difficult to enter, but then they saw Arthur on the yard. Leon cursed under his nose and looked at Prince and smiled. He was really hoping that Arthur wouldn't have time for chatting about yesterday night and hangover. 

\- Sir Leon! - Prince exclaimed, he felt better than in the morning and noon, but still... he regreted that he shouted at his knight, really he had so annoying voice? 

\- Sire. - Leon said with smile on his lips, trying to act normal. 

\- You look terrible. - Arthur pointed. Woman looked at him, they really didn't have time for it! She came closer to Leon and whispered something to his ear, trying to look like she was saying something filthy. Honestly she whispered that they REALLY don't have time for this. Then she took his hand and smirked. 

\- Sire... I'm off duty... and really bussy. - Knight shrugged and Arthur smiled, when he noticed the girl. He really didn't want to know. Well, if he knew truth he would want, but when it looked this way... He wasn't interested in his knights love-life. Or... bed-life. Arthur only waved his hand, suggesting that Leon is free to go, and then he went with that girl somewhere. It was strange on the second thought. Leon and the girl. This man lived for work... but everybody have to relax sometimes, right? But why today? Leon looked like walking corpse, he was vomitting on the morning still, that was not only thing what caught Arthur's attention, second one was that they weren't going in direction of Leon's chamber, but maybe Leon wanted to take her in some more... interesting place? He decided to ignore that and take care about his duties, which he had quite a lot, because he was _a bsent _by all morning and noon.  


Leon and Filla went to Gaius first it seemed to be good start point to look for Freo. Gaius could know where she is, he could protect her. Merlyn could go to him if she was wounded. They both entered medic's chambers without knocking. 

\- Sir Leon, what can I do for you? - Gaius asked looking at him and his companion briefly. Probably he was after something for hangover, like everyone. Filla closed the doors behind them and looked at Gaius. Freo told her many good things about him. 

\- Do you know where Freo is? - Filla asked without further ado. Gaius was shocked. No many people know Merlyn's prophecy name and even less people come to him to ask about her. He looked at Sir Knight with uncertainty in the eyes. 

\- We really don't have time for this. I'm feeling how fire of her life is fading. - Filla shook her head, they really didn't have time for explanation. Nymph was contected with her mistress, Freo's magic woke up her from her dream, she was feeling how this magic was fading. Gaius seemed confused and worried. 

\- I really wish I knew. I didn't see her since she left for Isle. - Gaius admitted. He was missed her, she was like daughter to him. Filla cursed under her nose when she heard the answer. 

\- We have to find her... - she said and yawned. - Her magic woke me up and I feel how this magic is fading, as her life. She have to be somewhere in the castle! - Filla was quite serious, she didn't look that way when Leon met her on the Isle, but now Freo's life was at stake. Gaius became paler, hearing that Merlyn is dying was always terriful. He heard that far too many times. 

\- Me, Arthur and rest of knights looked for her many times, we were in every corner of the castle. - Leon said, trying to focus on the most important matter.  

\- There has to be something! - Filla exclaimed. Her voice was like  pins in his ears.

Gaius knew that Merlyn was using percepction spell, but she could hide with this place where she could live. She could use it on herself, but she had to live somewhere in the castle. On begining they suspected that she was living in low town somewhere, or she is using glamour or something like that, but when stories about White Widow showed up, they knew that she is somewhere in the citadel. 

In the same time Arthur was saying goodbye to every guest who was on the yesterday feast. There was some important guest and he couldn't let them go without proper goodbye, it would look bad from diplomatic point of view. After that he went to his father, check on him. He didn't stay long, because his father was sleeping. He was sleeping by the most of the day. He wasn't here when Arthur badly needed him. Arthur needed advice, what he should do, how he should rule. He wasn't King, but in some way he was him already. He had to rule all kingdom. _Am I sure, that I want his advice?_ Arthur asked himself. He knew what his father would advice him. Find Merlyn and kill her, because she is evil. That would it sound, and then continue his war against magic and rule with iron fist. No matter how much Arthur wanted deny it, he couldn't. He knew way that his father ruled... _Do I want be like my father?_ He remembered the boy he used to be, who had done everything to catch his father attention. He comitted terrible things because of it, he was terrible, and he remebered what, or rather who changed him. He sighed and shook his head and left his father's chambers. It was poor time to thing about things like this, when he was still on hangover.Then on the hall he met Gwaine and Lancelot.

\- Princess! Good to see you still around the living. - Gwaine didn't have much hangover, well he had some troubles on the morning, but later it passed. He was far too much experienced in these matters.

\- Please,  quieter. - Lancelot murmured and looked at Gwaine who was too much enjoying that his fellow knights were looking like walking dead. 

\- Do you know what with the rest? - Arthur asked and looked at his knights. He knew that he was going to ask them about Merlyn's father, but he didn't want talk about it in the middle of corridor. 

\- Well..  Like you see, Lance is full of happiness and life. \- Gwaine laughed and looked at Lancelot. - My lady, Leon looked like walking corpse when last time I saw him. And we didn't see the rest, Elyan and Percival probably are still dying in beds. - Gwaine answered, remembering that Arthur called Leon Gwaine's girlfriend that evening. Arthur rubbed his forehead quite embarrassed, he didn't know what happened in his brain to think that way. 

\- I have to disappoint you Gwaine, Leon found new girlfriend. I've seen them today. - Arthur answered and smiled. 

\- What? Leon and Girl? - Gwaine asked. Well, that was impossible! Leon didn't have time for ladies. He was overworked! 

\- As far I know Leon he didn't have time for girls. - Lancelot answered. 

\- Everybody changes. I wanted to talk with you two, but not here. 

Gwaine and Lancelot looked each other and then they looked at Prince. 

\- Did you hear anything... about _White Widow?_ \- Gwaine asked and rolled his eyes. White widow became nickname of Merlyn last time. They couldn't say about Merlyn, because not everybody at court was  involved in this matter and naming her Freo was... weird. Also Gaius told them that this name of Merlyn could remain in secret, so only White Widow left. 

\- You can say that... let's go to my chambers. - Arthur said. Knights only nodded and then they went to prince's chambers. 

Filla and Leon was still in Gaius's rooms. Wondering where they should look for Merlyn. Time was running, Filla was walking around the chamber nervously. Leon suggested that they should tell Arthur and the rest, more people they would have the better and he knew that Arthur will be angry if he didn't tell him, but Filla insisted that they didn't have time for this and more number of people don't change anything because they looked for her already. They must know where they should look, in the other way this is pointless. Leon was drinking herb tea, which Gaius made for him, for his hangover. They had brainstorm. They had to check every idea where Merlyn could hide. 

\- Did she said something to you? Where could you find her?- Leon asked, looking at Filla who shook her head again. She felt sleepy again. 

\- No. Only that she had some forgotten place in Camelot where nobody will look for her. - She answered. - Goddess... Al is going to kill me. - Filla added after while and then she waved her hand suggesting to ignore her words, but really he will kill her when he will find out that Freo is dying. 

\- We searched all castle few times. - Leon sighed, but then Gaius got an idea. 

\- There is one place... 'forgotten' by many years. - Gaius announced, he didn't know if knights were looking there, but it was worth of trying. - Dragon's Cave, under the Castle. - Gaius looked at Leon. 

Leon became paler, because he realised that they didn't look there. Dungeons was checked indifferently, they didn't think that Merlyn could hide in dungeons... and there was enter to the Dragon's Cave too. He put his mug with tea on the table and looked at Nymph. Also, living in cave? They thought about more 

\- Let's go. - He said and looked at Filla. 

\- Prepare everything, she is very weak. - Nymph said to Gaius. They didn't know why she is dying, but she was very weak, that Filla could say. After that words they left Gaius's chambers and ran into dungeons direction. 

Arthur entered his chamber with Gwaine and Lancelot. This two knights couldn't think about anything else than Merlyn at that moment, for both of them she was little sis, who needed their protection, no matter if she is important and powerful figure in magic world... and they failed her once. Lancelot knew that sometimes even Gwen is jealous about his and Merlyn relationship, no matter how often he told her that Merlyn is like sister to him. He loves Gwen, she is love of his life, his sun, his everything... but Merlyn was important to him too. She was his little troublemaker. For Gwaine, Merlyn was first true friend. When you are moving from place to place, you don't make many friends, Merlyn was first. Only person who know about his nobility. 

\- So? What do you know? - Gwaine asked, inpatient. 

\- Not much. She was on the feast, because she knew that about our drinking bet. - Arthur answered and took letter from her. - I think that I saw her yesterday night. When we were looking for her on the east wing... - prince added. He didn't know what to think about Merlyn still. He loved her, he wanted her close, he wanted to see her... but still she was outlaw and he couldn't change the law. 

\- Maybe we should check west wing again. Maybe we missed something. - Gwaine sighed, maybe Merlyn was living somewhere there. 

\- I don't know if she is here... She says about 'some troubles' during my birthday. She could be here solving them. - Arthur answered and sighed. He didn't want her protection. He wanted her safe. 

\- But... I don't wanted to talk about it. - Arthur sighed and looked at his knights. - Do you know something about Merlyn's father? - Prince watched carefully their faces. 

\- She didn't say much about him to me... I know that she'd never met him. - Lancelot answered and shrugged, he didn't know why this information was important to Arthur right now. They didn't talk about their family much, when Merlyn said something about family, that mostly meaned Hunith and Gaius. 

\- Well... I know that too, but In the letter Merlyn said, that she met him before he died. - Arthur answered and then he realised, that Gwaine didn't answered his question, he looked at him and Gwaine sighed. 

\- I don't know much. I have once heart to heart conversation with Merlyn about fathers. - Gwaine answered, remembering that time when they talked about their parents. Now it had much sense. Her father serve the king, like his... and both was betrayed by king. Merlyn said that she could learn much from him, but she never got a chance. Probably... he had magic and helped Uther and he wanted to kill him. Camelot and Uther was known from stories like this. Lancelot raised his brow, there weren't much things that Gwaine knew and Lancelot didn't, well... that was exception. 

\- I don't know if I should tell that either... - Gwaine sighed, but then Arthur did his puppy eyes.  - I know that he died in her arms some time ago... I think that he had magic, because Merlyn said that she could learn much from him. - he added, he prefered to skip this part when Merlyn said to him that her father served the King and the King turn away from him. He wasn't sure if that was about Uther or any other king, but it could have sense if it was about Uther. Arthur sighed hard. If her father had magic, he could be killed by his father. Thought of Merlyn watching her father execution from his father hand was like knife into his heart. How? How Merlyn could fell in love with him, how she could look at him?! He wanted to say to the knights to leave him, he wanted to be alone, but in the same time they heard noices from corridor. 

\- We really should tell Arthur. - Leon said, when they were passing by prince's chamber. 

\- Are you always such bootlicker? - She asked, but they didn't have time for chatting, why that damned dungeons were on other part of the castle?! Then, Lancelot, Gwaine and Arthur left the chamber and looked at vanishing around the corner figures. They went after them. That was Leon! Something important happened if he insisted on telling Arthur. They didn't recognise the girl, because they saw her only for second and only saw her back. 

\- Leon! What the hell is going on?! - Arthur exclaimed when they ran down the stairs to dungeons. Leon and Filla stopped and looked at Prince and two knights. 

\- Filla?! - Lancelot and Gwaine were shocked when they recognised the woman who was standing next to Leon. Arthur looked at his knights and next he looked at girl. Prince didn't know about her abilities. 

-  Don't have time! - Nymph shouted and looked at Leon, remanding him that Merlyn is dying since yesterday night! They didn't know how much time she had! Filla was tired, more and more tired, she caught Leon's arm, because she felt dizzy. - Really, she doesn't have much time. - she whispered. _She... she doesn't have much time._ Arthur realised then about who she was talking about. Guards looked at them, but they say nothing. They had every right to be here, so they didn't question that. Leon went with Filla to the gate to the Dragon's cave, he realised that it is not closed. 

\- What is going on? - Arthur asked and looked at them. 

\- Freo is dying since yesterday night. I came as fast I could. - Filla answered and they went down to the cave. Arthur felt terrible. He thought that if Merlyn left him a letter, that mean that everything is alright with her, but he didn't think that she could left that letter before true problems began, or something. They stood in the place where Merlyn learned about her destiny, they looked around and went down, when they did that, they saw small camp. Bedroll, few books, fireplace without fire... and Merlyn. 

\- _MER_ lyn! - Arthur shouted and ran to her, he knelt before her and checked her puls. She was still alive, but not for long if they don't do something, he looked at her body, there was blood on her dress. 

\- We have to take her to Gaius. Now. - Filla said, holding the torch. They had to do that quick, the less people will see them the better. All castle lived with gossips about white widow already. Arthur took her and they went to Gaius's chambers. 

\- _Hine on ylde eft gewunigen wilgesiþas, þonne wig cume. -_ Merlyn said and Filla gave her strange look. 

\- Ignore it now. Let's go. - She answered and shocked her head. Merlyn was saying something all the time, not always they could understand her. Lancelot opened doors to Gaius's chamber and Arthur put unconscious Merlyn on the table. Gaius reacted quick, he cut her dress around the wound and looked at her and at wound. That wound was far too small to kill somebody it was clean, there was no infection. He check her eyes, reaction to the light. Her skin was pale, paler than usual. 

\- She is poisoned... but I don't know what poison was used, without it there is nothing that can be done. - Gaius said and looked at everybody, then he looked at Filla, she looked like she could collapse in every minute, Leon had to hold her. 

\- _ðâ nigon wîtword sittan, furðum scearpsmêawung winstre ðætte frumsceapen winstre. -_ Merlyn said and shook her head. Filla looked at her with shock, but she didn't say nothing, it was no time for this. 

\- I can recognize the poison but this will be little... grossy. - Filla said and went to the Freo, Gaius gave her space. Filla shook her head, trying not to sleep, but she knew that she can't do nothing in that matter.  Nobody cares how she will recognise the poison. She dipped her finger in Merlyn's blood and licked it. Yeah, that was quite grossy, they had to say that, but now they were worried about Merlyn, so they didn't care. She tasted her blood, trying to identify ingredients... 

\- Belladonna. - She said and looked at Gaius. Belladonna was strong posion and Merlyn didn't drink it but it was delivered to her blood by poisoned blade. But it was popular poison, Gaius had remedy ready, he started looking, his hands were shaking, Merlyn could die in every second. Filla looked worse and worse in every second. Leon had to catch her again, because she fall. 

\- Hey! Wake up! - Leon shook her, trying not let her to fall asleep. 

\- Man will not say me what to do. - Filla murmured, she wanted to stay awake, but she couldn't do anything, she felt like she was on the water, which lulls her to sleep.

_\- Hîe untamcul, urther mid sîn frêa, sôna lôc uferra ðengel._ \- Merlyn voice was weak, when she stopped saying Gaius blocked her nose, opened her mouth and poured antidote. They all looked in shock, waiting. Forgetting how to breath or blink. Every second was like hour. Leon looked at Merlyn and then at Nymph in his arms, who looked asleep, but then Filla and Merlyn took deep breath. Filla opened her eyes and looked around, she woke up. Arthur looked at Filla, he didn't know how it worked but he realised that she is conected with Merlyn in some way, when Filla woke up, he looked at Merlyn, waiting for moment when she open her eyes.

But.

She didn't. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo... there is next chapter, little late I'm sorry for that. I was on little holidays, I thought that I will post that chapter yesterday, but that was crazy day. Maybe I will manage to gave you two chapter in this week as an apology. <3  
> Every 'old religion' words which Merlyn said will be translated in next chapter.  
> Little cliffhanger isn't bad, right? I think to end this chapter in diffrent place, but I realise that is quite long now and if I would write more to the next place where I could end chapter it would be too long.  
> Merlyn is alive or no? :>  
> So... like always, I apologise for every error in my work and...  
> See ya in next chapter :D


	9. Druids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song, which I was listening by time of writing: Christina Aguilera - Hurt

Arthur was staring at Merlyn, the whole world stopped existed. There was only her. She had to open her eyes! But he was waiting... and waiting... and nothing happened. He looked at Filla, who woke up and then again at Merlyn. He wasn't able to thing, he wanted her to wake up. He didn't know what to say, what to do. He even forgot about his hangover. When he was drunk and later when he was dealing with headache and other things... she was dying. All this time. And now she didn't opened her eyes! He looked at Gaius, who was checking her pulse and breath.

\- She is alive... her breath and pulse are normal. - Gaius said and looked at Prince.

That was relief. Maybe she had to only rest? Or something like that. There was nothing wrong with her, she had been through a lot and now she needed to rest, right? Arthur looked at his knights. They were as much worried as himself. Arthur came closer to Merlyn and looked at her, she looked like she was sleeping. So calm... Arthur was staring at her, waiting and waiting. Again, every second was like hour. In the same time, Leon looked at Filla who regained consciousness.

\- Are you fine? - Leon asked, breaking the silence in the room, but Arthur seemed that he didn't notice that, he looked only at Merlyn.

\- Yeah. - she answered after while, Gwaine wanted to whistle when Leon was talking with Filla, but he didn't, that wasn't good moment, even for him. He was worried about his little Merls.

\- At least, we know that she is alive... - Lancelot said, looking at Filla and after that at Merlyn.

 _\- Doth hádung on w'rldstrideth, thy bilswæþ shall beest híe dolcswaðu_ \- Merlyn whispered again, and everybody looked at her. Now, they had time to take care about what she was saying, if she wasn't dying. What was not so sure right now, because Gaius or the rest didn't exacly know what was happening to her. Filla came closer and looked at Freo with shock and then she looked at Gaius, who looked at her too.

\- Is she...? - Filla asked. -... prophesying? - she wasn't sure about it, she didn't realise that Freo can do such a thing... but on the other hand, Freo is magic, right? Her powers are unlimited.

\- I believe so... It happened before, once. - Gaius said, remembering time when Merlyn was poisoned by Nimueh. He hadn't understand what she was saying back then, because he had been worried about her and she was dying.

\- When will she wake up? - Arthur asked, changing the subject, for now that was more important to him than what she is doing in her dreams. He looked at her, she had been dying in forgotten by everyone cave, for him. Why, after all of he had done, why was she still loyal to him? He didn't deserve that... Gaius looked at him with mix of worry and care, then he sighed and turned his eyes at Merlyn.

\- I don't know... she should do that already, I don't know what is happening to her. - Gaius answered. Merlyn was like daughter to him, but even he didn't understand completly her powers. She was unique, he knew that since she came to him. Lately she had somekind of 'luck' to falling into a coma, what was not a good sign. Arthur looked at that Nymph of Merlyn. 

\- You have to know something, tell us! - he raised his voice, making Filla scared. Well, she was in heart of Camelot, she believed that Arthur didn't kill her, or his knights, because she came for someone who was close to them, but instinctively she was scared of Pendragons.. she remembered fight with Uther forces on Isle of the Blessed. She stepped back subconsciously.

\- I-I... Don-don't know. - She whispered, but then Arthur came closer to her. 

\- You know about her magic! You have to know! - he was angier, knights looked each other giving themselves unverbal message to stop Arthur if he is doing to cross the line. 

\- I DON'T KNOW! I'm just a nymph! Tell me to do your breakfast, taste food for poison, but don't ask me about bloody arcanas of magic! - She shouted, quite scared. She was like servant, she knew what to do with food, how to make good wine, she was tasting food if someone was scared that there can be a poison, she could do flower crown but her magic knowledge was negligible. She knew something, because she was living on the Isle of the Blessed, but it was it! Arthur realised that he shouted at her without needing. He murmured something under his nose, what probably was 'sorry' or something like that. He turned and looked at Merlyn. He was sick of it, of Merlyn dying, of this situation... he dreamed about return to the past, when it was easy. Well, it wasn't easy back then, Morgana's betreyal, Sigan, Dragon there was a lot of crap, but it seemed to be easier than that what was happening at this moment.  


\- Somebody must know something... What about... eee.. Merlyn's friend? - Lancelot asked, looking at Gaius. Filla raised her brow, she didn't know who they meant, but Gaius shook his head. The dragon seemed to have big knowledge about his friend and her magic.  


\- Nobody knows where he is, only Merlyn can contact with him. - Gaius knew that the Great Dragon came only when Merlyn, last dragonlord called him, goddess knew where he was. He was a dragon, he could be everywhere. 

\- We have to find him... - Gwaine answered, he didn't know what he was saying. 

\- That is pointless... - Gaius sighed and looked at Filla, who realised about who they were talking about. She nodded. Gwaine, Leon and Arthur was out of the subject, but for now they decided to remain silent. 

_ \- Gereste.  _

Everybody looked at Merlyn again.  


\- But... if she really is prophesying. We should ask experts in this matter... I could contact with Iseldir. - Filla suggested and looked at knights of Camelot and their prince. 

\- Iseldir? It seems... - Leon started, but Filla interupted him. 

\- He is druid leader, Freo said me, that he healed you when Immortal Army attacked you on patrol. In his camp there is few great seers and he has big knowledge too... - Filla answered. Leon's face tensed, when he was remembering that slaughter, he had woken up in druid's cave, but he was weak. Conversation with camp leader was blurred in his memory, he was sill weak then. 

\- Do you know how to find him? - Gaius asked. Filla looked at him with suprise in her eyes. 

\- Why should I have problems with that? He is Freo right hand. - She said and looked ad everyone. 

What? Merlyn had a right hand? Why? Why should she needed second-in-command? In command of what? Everyone except Filla was shocked. Then she realised that they didn't know about everything what happened by this month when Freo was on the Isle of the Blessed. They thought that she was resting there, or something like that. 

\- You will tell about it on the road, we have to find him as soon as possible. - Arthur announced. - Leon and Gwaine, you are going with me. Lancelot, please find Elyan and Percival. Your job is finding out what happened yesterday. 

Lancelot wasn't pleased, he wanted to be at Merlyn side, he looked at Gwaine like he was trying to say him to protect Merlyn. Gwaine nodded. 

\- Yes, Sire. - Lancelot said and left the room. 

\- Leon, prepare the horses. - Arthur murmured, of course he mean to say stabble boy about that. Leon nodded and left the chamber, but then Filla looked at Arthur with doubt in her eyes. 

\- I told you, that I'm going to contact with him... not take you and your knights with me. - Filla hissed. - I'm not going to take you to the place full of magical persons. 

Arthur looked at Filla, he wanted to be angry, but the understand her prejudices. He started to think about it... if he didn't need his help for Merlyn, would he be so eager to go to meet leader of druid camp... He had met with him before, he realised it and that wasn't the kindest meeting in the world. He killed many of his kind, sometimes he still hear screams in his nightmares. He closed his eyes when his thought started to circle around his first mission as a leader.   


\- I am not going to hurt him. I give my word. - Arthur said and looked at Filla, who looked at him still doubtfully. 

\- Freo said that you value given word more that your own life... I hope she was right. - Nymph murmured. Usually Filla was happy, joyful, childish being, but when it was about Freo... well. Gaius took care about Merlyn's wound and with Filla's help he prepared her to journey. Arthur decided that he will ride a horse with Merlyn, Filla protested but it was quite pointless. She sighed hard and finally let him. Arthur look at her flaccid body and sighed. How did we end in sort of situation? 

_ Arthur was throwing knives at shield, which was carried by his servant... what was his name? Who cares? Arthur and his goup had quite a entertainment. They were laughing, Prince's friends  encouraged him to throwing more, but then Morris failed on the ground and dropped his shield. Knights hummed and laughed. Merlyn came closer to the lying manservant and helped him stand up.  _

_ \- Hey! That's enough. You had your fun, my friend... - young witch said and looked at him.  _

_ Arthur was suprised, nobody ever dared to opposed him, especially girls. He raised his brow.  _

_ \- Do I know you? - Arthur asked.  _

_ \- No... I don't think so. I'm Merlyn. - Merlyn answered.  _

_ \- But you called me a friend.  _

_ \- Yeah, that was mistake. I couldn't never be friend with such ass. - Merlyn smirked and walk away.  _

_ \- Or I with such an idiot. - Arthur baited her and she caught it, she stopped, so he continued. - Tell me, do you know how to walk on your knees?  _

_ \- No. - She answered quickly.  _

_ \- Would you like me to help you? - Arthur smiled.  _

_ \- No thanks, this is quite sad, you know. That you have to use force on random girl to bring her down to knees. Well...  Gallantry seems to be dead. - Merlyn smirked and when she saw that Arthur didn't know what to say, she walked away. He was shocked. The behavior of this girl was outrageous! How could she?! He was prince of Camelot and she was suggesting such a things?!  _

Arthur smiled to his own memory, and pulled away a strand of black hair from her face. When everybody was ready, they set off guided by Filla, who outside of Camelot decided to return to her regular form. They were journing in quiet by some time, but them Merlyn started whispering again. Arthur was worried as hell, they all knew that wasn't result of a poison, she wasn't poisoned anymore. It was something else, something, which Arthur didn't understand and he hated that feeling. They didn't manage to reach druid's camp before night, they left late evening, so it was quite impossible. They made a camp close to the river.   


\- Do you understand what Merlyn is saying? - Gwaine asked, seeing how Filla reacted every time Merlyn said something during her 'dream'. 

\- Yeah. It's old religion language. I know what she is saying, but understanding is different matter. - Filla sighed. 

\- Yhm? - Gwaine murmured. 

\- Well.. It's very figuratively. First thing she said something like "So that, when he is older, his dear companions may stand with him when war comes." It is quite popular phrase from prophecy about Freo and Once and Future King. But rest is... well... mysterious. - Filla explained, putting more wood to the fire. 

\- You remember everything she has said? - Leon raised his brow. 

\- Most of her whispers is not understandable, but from this which I can understand I remember, more or less... For magical people seeing prophet is quite...well, no many persons have opportunity to see something like that. - Filla answered. 

\- So, what more did she say?  - Gwaine continued the subject.

\- There was "When nine will sit. First will leave, first will leave"? Something like that. I don't know what this is about. "She is invincible only with his light" Or in his arms? I'm not sure. And there was something about his wounds will be her scars. - Filla explained what she understood from Merlyn's whispers. - And... the last word she said, when we were going to leave was "peace". - she added. 

Gwaine and Leon didn't understand that either and Arthur didn't listen. He was in his own world, where were only he and Merlyn. He was sitting next to her lying body and made sure that she was lying comfortably. Arthur rubbed her cheek and sighed. She was doing everything to save him, he must do the same. He owed it to her as a thanks for everything he knew and didn't know. 

_ \- Thank God. I thought you were deaf as well as dumb. - Arthur said and looked at her. She intrigued him, not that he would admitted it. She was rritating and uncouth too.  _

_ \- Look, I've told you you're an ass. - Merlyn turned her face in his direction, she knew that she was talking to prince right now. -...just didn't realise you were a royal one. - she added _

_ Then she looked at his firends and looked falsely frightened.  _

_ \- Oh... Oh, what are you going to do? Get your daddy's men to help you bring me down to your knees? - she asked with that false-fear.  _

_ \- I could take you apart with one blow. - He was petulant.   _

_ \- Well... shame that legends about Knights of Camelot's strength are only legends... if you are done after one blow. - Merlyn answered and walked away... again! She won their 'verbal duel' again! He was left speachless and he heard that his knights were laughing, he looked at them like he wanted to kill them all. Such humiliation! _

Arthur smiled to his memories. God, he was such a prat back then. But he knew what he liked her and then fall in love with her... she had seen that prat. She had seen person, before she saw the prince. She had the courage to tell him the truth. What she thinks, not what he wants to hear. She really advised him, didn't confirm his every word.   


\- What did happen to us, Merlyn? - Arthur whispered. 

Now, she was Freo... his magical guardian and he was prince regent. They were so close to each other.... and now they are further away from each other than they had been when they'd met.

Gwaine, Leon and Filla looked at Arthur, they saw how broken he was. He didn't hide it now. Gwaine and Leon saw Arthur's mask in Camelot; confident, slightly arrogant prince regent. He left that mask in citadel. Now they saw, how much he missed her and how much he wanted her back.  Arthur would never admitted it, but his life was nightmare after Merlyn left his side. He woke up every day and waited to hear Merlyn's voice " Rise and shine, sweetie." to feel her arms on his shoulders, trying to pull him out of the bed. Easy past that will not come back. Arthur sighed and looked at the rest.   


\- Gwaine, first watch. Leon second one, I will take the last. - Prince ordered and his knights only nodded. Gwaine stayed on the watch and the rest went to sleep. Surprisingly, Arthur fell asleep too, maybe because the after-effects of hangover, but his sleep was restless. He had nightmares about Merlyn being trapped somewhere, she was crying, screaming... He woke up, when Leon was on the watch and rubbed his eyes. He looked at Merlyn, checking if everything was alright, then he looked around to find someone on watch. Prince nodded to Leon, suggesting him to go to sleep. It was still night, Arthur didn't know exacly how much time left to the sunrise. He looked at Merlyn and started thinking about his dream. _It was another nightmare... nothing more._ He looked at Merlyn took her hand, he knew that the shouldn't... but he needed that. 

  _Valiant exits the arena and stops near Arthur._

_ \- May I offer my congratulations on your victories today?\- Valiant said, looking at prince. Arthur knew that was something wrong about that man. He had a hunch about it, but he didn't know what was wrong.  _

_ \- Likewise. \- Arthur answered shortly. He thought that would be all, but then Sir Valiant looked at Merlyn, who was holding Arthur's armor. For some reason, Arthur didn't like that. He felt strange feeling, but he didn't know how to name that.  _

_ \- My Lady. - Valiant greeted Merlyn with a slight bow and reached his hand.  _

_ \- I'm no Lady. - Merlyn giggled, she tossed Arthur's armor around her shoulder to free one of her hands and took his hand, she wanted to shake it, but Valiant kissed her hand, making her blush.  _

_ \- You are as beautiful as Lady. I  hope to see you at the reception this evening.  - Knight said with smirk and then he left with his manservant. Arthur looked amazed, he looked at Merlyn, who was looking at leaving knight.  _

_ \- Creep. - she murmured making Arthur snorted. For some reason, he was glad that she didn't find Valiant as attractive and worth the attention. But why? He couldn't think about it right now.  _

_ \- Uh, for tomorrow you need to repair my shield, wash my tunic, clean my boots, sharpen my sword, and polish my chainmail. - He ordered and went away, leaving Merlyn alone with her chores.  _

He knew now what was that strange feeling, he was jealous. Even back then, when she was only his maidservant and they weren't even friends, he still was jealous. Had he loved her even then, before he realised that? There was something between them since begining. Arthur heard some noises and looked around, but he sighed with relax when he saw that was only Filla, who woke up. He didn't even realised when sun started to rising. Filla started to  decamp, then Gwaine woke and Arthur slightly punched Leon to wake him.    


\- How far are we? - Arthur asked, looking at Filla. 

\- Few hours. - She answered shortly. 

\- How are you feeling? - Leon asked, looking at Filla. His question suprised them. 

\- I'm fine... why are you asking? 

\- You passed out in my arms, because Merlyn's magic was weak... she is not in full strength. - Leon explained and looked at Merlyn, when Gwaine was holding Merlyn to give her to Arthur, when he will sit on the horse. 

\- Her Magic is fine.... like she would be in full strength, like... it was before. - Filla sighed and looked at Merlyn. Nymph didn't have an idea why Merlyn didn't wake up, she should. There was no reason what she shouldn't, at least Filla didn't know one. They are going to kill her, when they realise that she allowed to hurt their Lady... she was sure of that. Well, she is dead girl, nymph. Filla sat at her horse and when they all were ready, they moved on. 

\- How is it working? - Leon asked, looking at Filla. - Your connection with Merlyn?  - Leon clarified. 

\- Long time ago I was put in deep sleep by strong spell. Freo didn't find way to take off that spell... so she casted on me strong stimulating spell. Her powers are stronger, but when she is fading, sleeping spell become stronger. - She sighed, looking away. Remembering when Isle was attacked by Uther, there were death everywhere, then her mistress wanted her to be safe, so she casted the sleeping spell... Filla looked as good as dead when she was sleeping. Nymph guessed that her lady anchored the spell in something, to make sure it won't disappear after her death, but Filla didn't know in what that spell was anchored. 

\- Why were you putted in sleep in the first place? - Gwaine asked, joining the conversation. 

\- I was a friend to one of the High priestess, when... _Uth-_ ykhm. When Isle was attacked, she wanted to keep me safe. - Filla explained. She didn't know if her lady had thought that she will survive it and she will take off the spell, of something like that. She wanted to keep her alive. She avoided talking about Arthur's father, but everyone knew what she wanted to say, before she bit her tounge. 

\- How will druids react? Seeing us? - Arthur asked. When Filla started talking about attack on the Isle, he realised that magical comunity hate him. Hate his name. 

\- They will welcome everybody in the time of need. Especially Freo and Once and Future King. - Filla shrugged. 

Arthur didn't answer, he still didn't know what to think about this prophecy thing, he didn't know much. It was tempting to learn more, but he wanted to hear this from Merlyn mouths. He knew that Percival knew something about it, when he had learned that Arthur is this 'once and future king' he started to treat him differently. There was something in his eyes, Arthur couldn't name it, but honestly... he didn't like it. It was like pressure. Merlyn was right, knowing about your destiny is burden and he didn't want that. 

\- Hey... Filla, you told something about Iseldir being Merlyn's right hand, what have you meant? - Gwaine asked. Filla felt like somekind of source of knowledge about Freo, she couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes. 

\- Things... happened. - Filla wasn't eager to talk about it. 

\- Like always. - Arthur murmured and looked at Merlyn, who was whispering again, but it was only unintelligible gibberish for him and for Filla too. She couldn't understand words, so she ignored that and she stopped her horse.

\- Here are we... - Filla said, walking off her horse. 

\- What? We are in the middle of nowhere. - Arthur said and looked at Filla, who only smiled indulgently.  


\- Don't trust your eyes. Perception spell. - Filla answered and started to walking with horse on her side. When she reached the enter to the cave, they finally saw it. It was... strange. They could swear that they didn't see it before, but... they couldn't say that this cave wasn't there before, more like they didn't want to see it, but now charm wasn't working when they finally saw it. Arthur took Merlyn in his arms and walked with to the cave. There was man at the entrance to the cavity. 

\- Once and Future King, Freo, Loyalty and Strength... - Iseldir bowed in greeting. -... and good to see you too, Elfen. - He looked at Filla. - Your coming was foreseen. 

\- I love druids. You came to them needing help and they know what you need before you open your lips. - Filla said to Gwaine and Leon and they all smiled. She allowed herself for little smile, because now it is time to get serious. 

\- Freo was poisoned by belladonna... she was given the antidote, but... she didn't wake up. - Filla explained quickly. 

\- Yes, we felt Freo's death. Please... follow me. - Iseldir told them and entered the cave. 

\- What? What.. what death? - Arthur asked, panicked. 

\- It is not first time, when Freo passed. - Iseldir told them, making them stunned. \- But this time, she didn't wake up as always. - he added. 

Deeper in the cave, Iseldir showed prepared couch and suggested with wave of his hand to lay Merlyn there. They didn't know what to think, so... Gaius was too late with antidote? And Merlyn died? That was not the first time? What? Why? When? They didn't understand any of this, even Filla. Arthur laid Merlyn unconscious body on the blanket and looked at her. She died? On his eyes? He was too shocked to think. 

\- Freo can't truly die before her destiny will be complete. Magic don't allow that. She died few times already, but she wasn't aware of that, she thought that she was knocked out. - Iseldir explained and looked at Freo, he came closer to her, listening her whispers. 

\- Now she is only murmuring... before she said few things. - Filla said, looking at Iseldir. 

\- I would like to hear this later. - He answered. - but now there are more imortant things to do. 

\- Do you know what.. happened to her? - Arthur asked swallowing the lump. _She died!_ He heard in his head. 

\- I can only guess... that she get lost. Somewhere between. Or... she didn't want to come back. - Iseldir told and looked at Filla, who was stunned when she heard this words. She shook her head. She couldn't believe in that. 

\- No. She couldn't do that... I know that pressure... but no. - Filla didn't believe that she didn't want come back. She had to get lost, she had to! Filla panicked. Freo wouldn't do such a thing! 

\- Why... why would she... - Arthur didn't know how to ask about it. He could supsected.... _no...please._

\- That isn't important now. -  Iseldir said and looked at Freo. He couldn't allow her die again from grogginess. Arthur nodded, he didn't want to even think about it. That Merlyn wouldn't want to come back. Filla was right, she had to get lost. It was in Merlyn style! Get lost inside her own mind. She can get lost everywhere, even in Camelot after all of this years, so she could get lost inside her own mind, right?! 

\- I can perform ritual... - Iseldir said and Arthur's eyes shinned with hope. -... but it will be dangerous for one of us. - he said and looked at Loyalty, Strength, Courage and Elfen. 

\- What? - Gwaine asked and raised his brow. 

\- I can perform ritual to send somebody inside her mind... but it will be dangerous. She is connected to earth now. My knowledge is not enough to predict what might happen. \- Iseldir told. No matter what was the reason of this, she could be wake up only from 'inside'. - There can be everything and if you die inside her mind, you will die here too. - Druid leader said. 

\- I will go. - Arthur said without hesitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ofc, some dialogs are taken from episodes: 'Dragon's Call' and 'Valiant'  
> So there is next chapter. Longer than the last two! I hope you will enjoy this! Second Merlyn and Arthur reunion is closer and closer and there are some mysterious words and secrets of Freo/Merlyn. Maybe one day it all will make seanse :D  
> Anyway.  
> I want to thank you all! I didn't expected that this story will be so eagerly read! It is over 2k hints, 51 kudos, 35 comments and over 30 subs! :o Really I didn't expected so much feedback! I love you all <3  
> So... like always, I apologise for every error in my work and...  
> See ya in next chapter :D


	10. Ritual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs, which I was listening by time of writing: Human (Christina Perri) - Sam Tsui Cover  
> Sara Bareilles - She Used To Be Mine  
> Katelyn Tarver - You Don't Know

\- I will go - Arthur said without hesitation.

\- Sire, If this is dangerous... - Leon started, but Arthur raised his hand to stop his babble before he really began this. He owed that to Merlyn, for everything what she had done to him. He had to try, even if this would cost him his live.... without Merlyn it was pointless anyway. He realised how much he needed her, when she was gone. Merlyn traded his own life for keep him safe, once. Going on dangerous mission to wake up her wasn't enough to reward everything she had done... but it was a start. He looked at Iseldir, who nodded.

\- I will prepare everything to the ritual. In the meantime, I offer you the hospitality of our settlement, Once and Future King. - Iseldir said, bowed and walked away. Filla didn't have a problem with making herself like in home. She went deeper into the cave, she looked at knights and Regent. In her eyes there was something like 'come on' and she started walking again. Leon, Gwaine and Arthur decided to follow her. They ended up around fireplace, there was few young druids. One looked scared, one was staring at knights with hate, one looked with mix of previous two... everybody reacted diffrently, but everybody was silent, making camelotian feeling little uncomfortable.  


\- Please, speek loudly. Our friends didn't hear you. - Filla said with little smile, then Arthur realised that they had to comunicate each other in their minds, like Merlyn was speaking to him in the camp. 

\- I remember you. - One of druids said. - You were the knight who Iseldir bring back from edge of death. - he pointed at Sir Leon. 

\- Yes, it was me. - Leon nodded slowly. 

\- He traded my uncle life for you. - Druid boy  shrugged. This news made Leon stunned, Gwaine and Arthur was shocked too. Why? Why did Iseldir trade someone life for his knight? Why did he kill somebody. 

\- He was dying already. He gladly gave his life. - Druid boy said. So, that man was dying anyway, but still it was quite big thing. Learning that somebody died for you, somebody who you had never met, perfect stranger. Leon only gulped, he had to think about it. He knew that he should thanked... but he couldn't find right words. 

\- I remember you too - Boy pointed at Gwaine and Arthur. - You wanted to kill me. 

Arthur gulped and looked at Gwaine. When did they want to kill druid boy? Then they realised that they threatened somebody when they had come for Cup of Life. Arthur looked at boy and sighed. 

\- I'm sorry for that. - He said with guilt in his voice. Boy didn't answered, only nodded. Arthur felt strange, he knew that his knights felt in that way too. Filla of course didn't have that problem. They all went silent, but Gwaine decided to break it and asked about something what was bothering him, he looked ad Filla.  


\- You said, that... Merlyn may not want to come back... Why? - He asked. Merlyn was his dearest friend, his little sister. Thought that he missed her suicidal thoughts or something like that was unbearable. His little Merls always laughed, smiled... she was joking all the time. It was only facade? How could he not to see through it. Arthur felt the same, sometimes he thought that he knew only one side of Merlyn, but when he was thinking about it more, he realised that he saw many times when that mask was cracked, but when he asked about it, what bothers her, she always changed the subject. It hurted, knowing that she didn't allow him to see her other side. 

\- Well... when you whole life is about protecting somebody. When you realise that you were born to protect somebody, after some time your life become worthless... or at least worth- _less -_ Filla sighed and looked at some point at cave wall. Arthur heard his fathers words in his mind, when he'd said similar thing about Merlyn, that her life isn't worthless but it is worth less that Arthur's. 

\- Her life isn't worthless... - Gwaine denied. 

\- I know that and she know that too... but last events left a mark on her. A lot of pressure. Arthur's reaction on her magic. I hope, that is not true and she really just get lost. - Filla sighed. 

Arthur felt guilty again. He rose and went somewhere else, he knew that Gwaine was looking at him with blame, he couldn't find courage to look at him right now. That is quite irony that he is called courage here. He went on a walk and this thoughts was with Merlyn right now. It is really his fault? He broke her heart with his reaction, he knew that... but she lied to him so long, he really thought that he knew her. Arthur didn't know what would happen next, but he knew one thing. That he will go there, in her mind or whereever Iseldir will send him and he will wake up her, even if that means that he will have to cost him his live.

He was walking, observing how druids live. It was really quiet, he knew that they probably speak in their minds, but still that was little weird for him. He smiled when he saw how one druid was trying to please one druid girl, it remained him how he realised about his feelings to Merlyn some time ago, but then he looked at druid boy, who pulled his sleeve. 

\- Follow me. - He said simply and walked away. Arthur followed him without word. He wondered how large was this cage, he was almost like building, with all of this corridors, but it was not important now. After while they came to the place where Iseldir was. There was a lot of druids, everyone was holding a candle. It looked like... vigil over Merlyn. Or maybe that was part of the ritual? Or maybe both? Merlyn lied on the coach and there was second one next to her, empty. Arthur guessed it was for him. He looked at Gwaine, Leon and Filla, who was standing in the crowd and then he turned his eyes on Iseldir, who came closer to him. 

\- You have to drink this, It will help you conect to Merlyn's mind. - Iseldir gave him pale-blue potion. Arthur took it and drank it... it was not so bad, he was prepared for something worse, like Gaius's potions. It wasn't good, but it was bearable. 

\- Take off your shirt and lay next to the Freo. - Iseldir instructed him. Filla came closer to him, to help him take of his chainmail and she took his cloak. Arthur only nodded as thanks for help. There was some atmosphere here, he felt that he shouldn't break it with speeking. It was quite creepy, he had to admit. All of this. People with candles, cave, Merlyn in somekind of deep sleep, magic ritual. What the hell he had to be shirtless? But without word he came to the centre of this place and looked at lying Merlyn. She looked like she was only sleeping, he always find this view adorable. He kissed her forehead. 

\- I'm going to bring you home... you idiot. - he whispered with little smile. 'Idiot' was not a insult... other couples called themselves 'sweetheart', 'sweetie', 'honey', 'darling' and they called themselves idiot and prat. Of course sometime they said something sweet to each other, but 'insulting' each other was just their thing. He lied on the coach next to her and looked at her with worry, then he looked at the celing of the cave. He swallowed. He didn't know what he should expected. Iseldir came to them and standed between Merlyn and Arthur above their heads. 

\- _Limplæcan blæd râd ðone as hwæde ûphêah. Tôlætan ðæge pro trum wlanc feorhlegu into twiprefix with meaning lîc ongêanweard mîn setnes losian sê tôgân. -_ Iseldir started to recite the spell, then one of the druids came to Arthur with jar, Arthur didn't know about it, he was looking at the celing and listened Iseldir voice. It was suprise for him, when he felt jar on his stomach and... something what fell of it. Something like spider... or scorpion. Then he felt sting. Scorpion stinged him, then he fall in the deep sleep, he heard some echos of Iseldir words but it was already blurred. 

_ He woke up in his chambers... on the floor. When he opened his eyes, everything was blurred, but after a while he recognised the room, then he realised that he was not alone here, he looked at girlish figure in the room, who was stading back to him, she looked like she was pouring water to goblet, but he was not sure from this perspective. She wore dress worth of princess, but she didn't have any shoes. He saw her long, black hair and for second he thought that she was Merlyn, but she wasn't. Arthur was able to recognise Merlyn from her silhouette and that girl was not Merlyn.  _

_ \- Who are you? - he asked, lying on the floor still.  _

_ \- Well.. good question. I'm Merlyn... everything around you except you is Merlyn in some way. - She answered and looked at him. She was quite beauty, he had to admit that, even if she was not so beautiful as his Merlyn. Arthur remembered that he was in Merlyn's mind or something like that. He should really ask Iseldir more about it before he agreed, but now it was too late.  _

_ \- You don't look like her. - He pointed. -... but you look familiar.  _

_ \- Well, you met person who look like me. Her name was Freya. Am I her? Am I only part of Merlyn's mind? Am I both? - She was saying with smile and that gibberish was giving Arthur headache. He stood up and looked at that girl, trying to remember when he met her. Soo... everything around him was Merlyn's mind right? But Iseldir said something about conection to the earth? What did he mean? He really should ask few question before he said 'yes'.  _

_ \- You are representation of something...? - he asked unsure. He heard once that in dreams everything is representation of something. Gaius always said this way about Morgana's nightmares. He didn't know if that was a dream, vision or... god knows what it was.  _

_ \- You are catching it quite quickly, I'm suprised. - She smiled. - Yes, I'm.  _

_ \- And what do you represent? - he asked again. He was suprised too that he had right with that one.  _

_ \- Many things. Mostly her good side. - 'Freya' shrugged.  _

_ \- Do you know what I'm here? - Arthur asked, looking around. It really looked like his bedroom. Why the hell he ended up in his bedroom if he was in Merlyn's mind? He returned with his eyes to Freya.  _

_ \- You want find her. - her voice was emotionless.  _

_ \- Do you know where she is?  - Arthur continued his interogation.  _

_ \- Maybe... but I think that you have to find her yourself. But I can accompany you. - She said with smile and she waved her hand in the direction of doors. In second hand she was holding goblet with water. - Now we are on... vestibule. - she was looking for good word.  _

_ \- You can come back now, if you will drink from this goblet, you will wake up... but when you will go by this door. You won't be able to come back until you reach Merlyn. - She explained and looked at goblet in her hand.  _

_ \- No... coming back is not an option. I'm here for Merlyn and I'm not gonna leave without her. - his voice was so sure. He just came here. He wasn't going back, this wasn't an option. He went to the doors, but he stopped with hand on the handle.  _

_ \- What am I going to meet there? - he asked and looked at Freya.  _

_ \- Everything. - she gave him mysterious answer. He only sighed and opened the door and stepped into white light behind the doors.  _

Leon and Gwaine watched this incredulously. They had never been witness of something like it. They felt some eyes on them, they weren't welcome here by everybody and they knew that. Druids had every reason to not trust them, but now their Prince Regent was in somekind of magical trance, so they hoped that would be enough to keep them calm. That they allowed their prince to join this ritual. Leon still was not certain if Arthur should be there. He knew that Arthur would do everything for Merlyn, especially after last events, but it wasn't safe and he was crown prince regent. Gwaine on the other hand had completely different opinion. It was princess fault so it was his job to make this right. Gwaine couldn't forgive himself that he listen Arthur's orders and hadn't visited Merlyn in the dungeons.   


\- What is in the jar? - Leon whispered in Filla direction. 

\- I don't know. - she shrugged. 

But then they saw, scropion. Before they could react it stinged Arthur and he fall asleep. Leon had fear in his eyes, he thought that they would put Arthur in sleep by some spell or something like that. Nobody say nothing about scorpions! 

\- Why did he use scorpion? - this time it was Gwaine, who whispered to Filla, who was standing between him and Leon. 

\- I don't know... maybe it is about some properties of venom. Your guesses are as good as mine. - she shrugged again. It was sweet that they thought that she knew everything, but reallity was quite opposite, her knowledge was very small, but still probably bigger than knights of Camelot. She felt little uncomfortably when they asked her, especially in that moment, they should be silent it was vigil, but then ritual ended, at least one part of it. Iseldir said last words of his spell and after moment of silence, he came closer to Filla and knights. 

\- Now we can only wait. They will keep vigil over them... but we need a word. - Iseldir said, he was looking mostly at Filla. She knew that he wanted to know about things which Freo was talking during her 'sleep'. Nymph and knights nodded and left this place. They turned back once, to look last time at Arthur and Merlyn and after that they followed Iseldir to talk in somwhere private. 

_ When Arthur left his chamber and entered into the light he came to the... empty field? How was it possible, he was in the castl... he remembered that this wasn't real. He truned back and realised that there is no doors behind him, so he could only walk forward. The ground under his feet was dry, whole area was lifeless. He could see only one died tree far away. Then, he blinked... and there appeared dead bodies. A lot of died bodies. Whereever he looked there were bodies. Stacked in ranks. Peasants, knights, courtiers they all lied together on the one endless field.  _

_ \- What the hell? - he asked himself and blinked twice as if this could help, as if this would make the bodies disappear. He recognised some of them, mostly knights. There was Sir Bedivere among them, Sir Pellinore, Sir Owain... he recognised few persons as victims of Dragon's rampage. Then he realised, that he is not alone. He looked at Freya, who was standing next to him.  _

_ \- Where are we? - Arthur asked, but before Freya managed to answer, they heard another voice.  _

_ \- I called this place... a field of guilt, or valley of tears. It is so poetic and dramatic. - The man said with a raised, dramatic voice. The words sounded as if it were writhed on his tongue, were hissed by a snake. Sigan smirked and came closer to Arthur and Freya, walking over the bodies of the dead. He stopped in the middle of the road and he turned on his heel around, pointing with his fingers in different directions.  _

_ \- Every body here. Every person. Died because of Merlyn. - He said with smirk, when he finally looked at Arthur. Prince looked around again, it was not possible. Sir Bedivere died because of the beast. Pellinore and Owain died because of Black Knight. It wasn't Merlyn's fault.  _

_ \- That is not truth. - Freya denied and looked at Sigan.  _

_ \- Of course it is. She is most powerful magic user in the world right? She could, she should save them all, right? - Sigan looked at Freya with pityful smile.  _

_ \- Even Merlyn can't save everyone. - Freya answered.  _

_ \- Yeah... like you. - Sigan rolled his eyes. -... but it is not time for argue! We have a guest! Come! Look around. Collect souvenirs. \- Sigan looked at Arthur with wide, wild smile.  _

_ \- Why am I here? I'm looking for Merlyn! - Arthur shouted at them.  _

_ \- Well... everything around is Merlyn. Even I and her. - He looked at Arthur like at an Idiot. - This is her guilt. It is quite impressive, isn't it? - he asked with smile and looked somewhere away, admiring the view. Arthur felt sick. He was looking for words to describe this place in his mind. Great, huge, powerful, overflowing... like Merlyn's feeling guilty it seemed. Freya looked at Arthur and grabed his arm to pay attention on her _ _ self. _

_ \- You will find Merlyn on the end of path, but there is long road before you. - She said with warm smile.  _

_ \- Ohh... stop, please. Do not give him hope. - Sigan answered. Arthur knew that he'd met him before but he couldn't remember when. - Even if he meet HER, she didn't want to come back, to get out of the shadows. She is shadow.  _

_ If everything around is Merlyn... this man is her too. In some twisted way. If Freya was her good side... he was her bad side? Merlyn had a bad side?  _

_ \- And who are you to say that? Some random sorcerer, who tried drag her to the dark side? You weren't first, and weren't last. - Freya hissed.  _

_ \- Ohh... you know exacly who I'm. I am not the first or the last... this doesn't matter. I was the closest to success. \- He smirked. Then Arthur realised who was this guy. Cedric, or rather he should say 'Sigan'. He thought about Merlyn face, when Gwaine had asked about the most powerful enemy she faced. When she called Sigan 'Creep'. She thought about joining him? He remembered that he treated her like dirt that days, she was probably hurt by his actions... and there Sigan appeared.  _

_ \- But it is not important! Come Arthur Pendragon, **Come and see**. - Sigan said and started to walking. - There are lying people who died because Nimueh's plauge. Merlyn could heal them all, every mother, every child... but she had to protect her secret. - Sigan waved his hand in random direction.  _

_ \- There are people who died in Dragon's Rampage. Dragon who was freed by Merlyn. - He waved hand in other direction. _

_ Merlyn freed the Dragon?! That was her fault?! She... she... was reason that they all died? No, It was dragon fault. Merlyn had to had a reason why she freed him... he only could hope that it was worth it. He didn't even realised when he started to following Sigan, who was walking futher.  _

_ \- There are people who died in the Great Purge. - He said and looked at bodies of magic users who were killed by Uther. Arthur looked too. There were kids and adults alike, one by one, lying there.  _

_ \- Why... why would Merlyn blame herself for this? This happened before her birth. - Arthur said, that was not possible to Merlyn to have any participation in this. The was born when Purge was ending, she was younger than him. Why did she blame herself?  _

_ \- Destiny. - Freya said with emotionless voice.  _

_ \- When Uther led to this slaughter, he disturbed the balance of the Old Religion. This was the reason why Merlyn was born, why Freo was born. Defender of magic and old religion. - Sigan explained and looked at the bodies. All this people died to Merlyn's birth. No. That was not Merlyn's fault, she couldn't choose that, she couldn't choose her destiny or the way she was given to the world. There was a lot of to take, but Sigan didn't stop, there was more.  _

_ \- There we have people who Merlyn killed. I like this one. Quite a few. - Sigan said with sadistic voice and looked at bodies. There were bandits, thugs... he recognised one medic who was trying to killhis father. Sophia and her father?! What? Why? There was that girl.... socreress who tried kill him when he was looking for the flower to save Merlyn... and... Morgana? No. That was not true. Morgana was alive.  _

_ \- Ohh... this litte one? Well... Morgana is alive, but THE Morgana you knew and loved is dead... because of Merlyn. - Sigan explained with cocky voice. Freya was silent what was not helping at all. Arthur wanted to hear, that this was not her fault, he hoped to hear that from Freya, but she was silent.... so Arthur said nothing too.  _

_ \- Ahh... and special place! - Sigan exclaimed. - People who died for Merlyn. Not because of Merlyn... for Merlyn. That is the worst isn't it? You probably know the feeling. - Sigan said with this his ugly smirk. Arthur recognised Will, Merlyn's first love, boyfriend from Ealdor. Then... he looked at Freya's body? and looked at Freya who was standing next to him? Why did she die for her? Who was she anyway? Balinor... the Dragon Lord. Arthur had never known what truly happened there, but he died in Merlyn's arms.  _

_ \- Her first love, her soul-sister, her father... all they died because of her destiny. - Sigan sighed. - If there was no her, they would be alive.  _

_ Arthur stared at the bodies. He knew about Will, but soul-sister an-and father? Balinor was her father? Why didn't she  said anything. He died in her arms, she was crying over him and  still she didn't say anything. He thought that was reaction to seeing someone dying, or because he saved her in some way... but he was her father. He thought about Gwaine's words about Merlyn's father. How could he not see it?  _

_ \- So... do you think that Merlyn failed Camelot? - Sigan asked and looked at Arthur.  _

_ \- What? No. I failed her. - Arthur shook his head. - She was suffering alone and I didn't see it. - he answered without second thought.  _

_ \- Well.. You won this one. - Sigan said, looking at Freya and snapped his fingers, so it was somekind of test for him? But why? Before he could say something, his vision blurred. _

Iseldir, Filla and Knights came to the place in the cave there they could talk alone. Leon and Gwaine were impressed by sizes of this cave. They sat on the rocks, close to the fire place. Cave was quite cold place.  


\- So... Tell me Elfen. - Iseldir said with calm voice. - What was Merlyn saying during her sleep? 

Filla swallowed and sighed, trying to remember correct words in the language of Old Religon to quote her. 

\- _Hine on ylde eft gewunigen wilgesiþas, þonne wig cume._ I know this verse. It is from prophecy, right? - Filla said and looked at Druid leader, who nodded. That was weird feeling for Leon and Gwaine, listening about that whole prophecy-destiny thing. Gwaine always believed that he is smith of his own fate. He left his noble family and start his joruney. 

\- _ðâ nigon wîtword sittan, furðum scearpsmêawung winstre ðætte frumsceapen winstre._ I don't quite understand that. When nine will sit, first will leave, first will leave? - Nymph shook her head, she couldn't find sence in that, but then she realised that Iseldir face became paler than usual. 

\- Elfen... Winstre don't mean only 'leave'. - He said with anxiety in his voice. Filla frowned, on begining she didn't understand what Iseldir had on mind. She rubbed her head, trying to figure it out. 

\- It also means... well... oh. - Then she realised and stunned. Somebody could say that she became pale, but it was difficult to say on her blue-green-pale face. This was obvious, how didn't she see that before? 

\- I think this is something lovely, right? - Gwaine answered with grinning. He was trying to break serious teanse which accompanied since they found Merlyn in Dragon's Cave. Leon rolled his eyes. 

\- Winstre also means 'die' in mean of leaving this world. This is foreshadow of death. _When nine will sit, first will die who first will leave._ \- Iseldir said, looking at the knights who gulped. But which nine? Who? When? There was so many questions.

\- So... When nine people will sit, first who will go away will die because of it? - Leon tried to put everything right in his mind. 

\- No because of it... He or she will just die. Not right then, maybe few days after that, maybe year... but it will be first person from this nine who will die. This only points a person, don't say what will be a reason of dead. - Iseldir explained. That was quite a lot to take. Iseldir didn't have to say that that probably was going to be someone close to them. If they all were in this prophecy thing, this was probably about them. 

\- Is this can be... about meeting which already happened in the past, or this is only future? - Gwaine asked, wondering about something. Everybody looked at him. 

\- It is hard to say, Merlyn said will, but if this is from original prophecy... who knows. Why? - Iseldir answered. 

\- Round table. - Gwaine looked at Leon, who stunned when he heard that words. Some random wisdom from Gwaine.... but it was true. There were nine people who was sitting at the round table. Arthur, Gaius, Gwen, Percival, Lancelot, Gwaine, Elyan, Leon and Merlyn. Nine. 

\- Lancelot was frist who stand up... but, who first left? - Leon asked and looked at Gwaine, who only gave him a shug. He didn't remember. After all this sublime confirmation of loyalty they were knighted, but who was first to leave round table? He was not sure. There was confusion.

\- It doesn't have to be about round table. - Iseldir said, trying to calm them. Prophecies are difficult things, aren't so easy like knight could think about them. There can be many interpretation of the same words, but Gwaine and Leon knew the truth, but they didn't remember who first leave the table, there was a lot of things what happened on once. They both felt sick of thought that someone from this table is going to die. 

_ So, where I will be now? Arthur asked himself, but then he realised, that he was in Gaius's chambers. They were alone. He, Sigan and Freya, but only for second, before he could say something, Merlyn and Gaius stormed into the room. _

_ \- Merlyn! - He exclaimed, but she didn't hear him. She was standing in the middle of the room. Arthur realised that she is far younger than she is now. It had to be some time ago... maybe on the begining?  _

_ \- How can you be so foolish?! - Gaius shouted at Merlyn.  _

_ \- He is prat! He deserves a lesson! - Merlyn shouted back, he realised that they were talking about him.  _

_ \- Insulting Prince of Camelot?! He could do something and your magic would protect you instinctively! You have a death wish? - Gaius was nervous too. He promised her Mother to keep her safe and she was insulting prince of Camelot in her first days!  _

_ \- And what?! What should I do about it?! That My magic would react this way?! - She answered getting more and more angry.  _

_ \- Magic must be studied, mastered!  _

_ \- What is there to master? I could move objects before I could talk! - She answered and waved her hands.  _

_ \- Then, by now, you should know how to control yourself!  _

_ \- I don't want to! If I can't use magic, what have I got?! I'm just a nobody, and I always will be. If I can't use magic, I might as well die! - She answered angrily and she went to her chamber. Arthur on begining felt little... awkwardly. It was private conversation between Gaius and Merlyn, but the more he listened he felt like his own heart was breaking. Merlyn wasn't nobody, even if she didn't have her magic. That was how she thinks about herself? Magical protector nothing more? Gaius sighed hard and followed Merlyn after while. Arthur went there too. Merlyn was sitting on the bed, thinking. Gaius sat next to her.  _

_ \- You don't know why I was born like this, do you? - Merlyn asked with hopeless voice.  _

_ \- No - Gaius sighed.  _

_ \- I'm not a monster, am I?  - She asked with hope. She looked like she wanted to cry. She wasn't a monster... but did he really do something to change her view? He realised what every time there was subject of magic she had to listen that magic is evil, from his own mouth.  _

_ \- Don't ever think that. - Gaius answered and hold her hand.  _

_ \- Then why am I like this? Please, I need to know why. \- She asked despairingly.  _

_ Then, the view changed, but they were still in the same room. Merlyn was lying on the bed, crying. Gaius stood in the doors.  _

_ \- I had no choice, Merlin. Uther had to be told. \- Gaius said. Did Gaius reveal some friend of Merlyn to his father? How he could do that?  _

_ \- They won't find her. She's gone. She left me behind. - Merlyn answered. Arthur realised that Freya had tears in her eyes. Is that about her? Merlyn's soul-sister? But it wasn't real Freya. Or it was?  _

_ \- I'm sorry. I do understand how you must feel, Merlyn. - Gaius answered.  _

_ \- You could never understand. Do you know how it feels to be a monster? To be afraid of who you are?  - Merlyn asked with despair in her voice, which was breaking Arthur's heart.  _

_ \- Freya's very different from you. She's dangerous. \- Gaius answered and confirmed that this was about Freya. Arthur looked at her, but she only shook her head.  _

_ \- Well... so am I. - Merlyn whispered. She knew she was dangerous. She could kill with the blink of an eye. Well.. even without it. Only single impuls. She could do things that nobody could imagine. Freya, comparing to Merlyn, was poor kitten. Then, view changed again. They were in catacombs under Camelot. Arthur looked around, then he saw Morgana and Merlyn.  _

_ \- I do understand, believe me. If I had your gifts, I would harness them for good. That's what magic should be for. That's why you were born with these powers. \- Merlyn said to Morgana, trying to convince her, but it was far too late. Morgana heart belong to the darkness.  _

_ \- You don't know what it's like to be an outsider! To be ashamed of how you were born, to have to hide who you are! Do you think I deserve to be executed because of who I am? - Morgana asked, looking at Merlyn.  _

_ \- No. It doesn't have to be like this. We can find another way. \- Merlyn answered, desperately trying to convince her. Or it was about herself? That she is using her gifts for good? That she is good. That there is another way for her, that she will not end like Morgana? Is Morgana broken reflection of Merlyn or only reflection? Maybe they are the same. The same evil. The same monster.  _

_- There is no other way. - Morgana ended the conversation. Merlyn was all of this time alone. Well, there was Gaius, but he knew that that was not enough. That Merlyn probably thought that they, her friends wouldn't accept her and Arthur showed that perfectly. His reaction was icing on the cake. Then, he saw Merlyn killing. Once, twice... many times. Many pictures, many people. She killed to protect herself, protect kingdom, protect him... but she still thought about herself as a monster. His sweet, innocent Merlyn had much blood on her hands, but she was doing what was right, Arthur knew that. He couldn't doubt in her, not now. She had to wake up. Maybe he was angry about few things, like Dragon, but they will talk about it later, when they will be back in Camelot and they will talk by the fireplace. Not here. He couldn't doubt now.   
_

_ \- See... that is what power does to the people. It corrupts and Merlyn will be nothing different than Morgana, when she will accept her destiny and return. - Sigan said with wild smile and looked at Arthur.  _

_ \- What? - Arthur knew that Merlyn had power already. She was powerful, but why did Sigan said that she will be like Morgana when she will return?  _

_ \- She will be good queen. - Freya hissed.  _

_ \- Yeah.. tell yourself whatever you want to sleep at night. - Sigan rolled his eyes.  _

_ Merlyn as a Queen? Queen of what?  _

\- We shouldn't be worried about this right now. - Filla said, when they were debating about person who will die in the future. Nymph was still worried about her lady. What if she didn't want to come back? If Arthur won't be able to convince her to come back? They will lose. Everybody will lose. Destiny will be doomed! She was in fear.  


\- Don't worry elfen. She will come back. - Iseldir said with warm voice, trying to comfort her. 

\- And what if she won't? You know that she didn't want leadership. That she thought that is too much for her! - Filla shouted with fear in her voice. Gwaine and Leon looked at her with suprise in their eyes.

\- Leadership? - Leon asked. 

\- Do you remember what I told you, when you asked what 'Freo' means? - Filla asked and looked at Leon and Gwaine. 

_She is our Lady, our Mother, Leader, Sister, Queen, Kin, Ruler... she is everything that she needs to be._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to end all this 'mind thing' in one chapter, but gezz. This is so long and we are far away from end and I couldn't find right place to finish this chapter sooner.  
> So. We have Arthur, learning more and more about Merlyn. We have explanation of Merlyn's words, at least some of them. Foreshadow of death and we have Merlyn as a Queen of... something. Well, more info will be in next chapter, as always! :D  
> My God. I was watching some scenes from Merlin and I was watching scene from "The Fires of Idirsholas" Where Arthur says "If I need a servant in the NEXT LIFE" x.x My heart... well... I don't need it anyway.  
> Hey, do you remember scene where Arthur was druging some guards? I remember scene, but I don't know which episode was that and that bothers me XD  
> Ofc some dialogs came from various episodes of Merlin.  
> And the manip on the begining was made by me ofc. I was bored in the train when I returned to home from holidays. I decided to put it here as little celebration of 10 chapter! It was planned to be two-shot story, and now we had 10th chapter!  
> So... like always, I apologise for every error in my work and...  
> See ya in next chapter :D


	11. The same prison

_\- Merlyn as a Queen? - Arthur asked and looked ad Freya. He didn't even bother to ask Sigan about anything. He hated this quy from the first meeting him here, he didn't need sarcastic answer._

_\- High Queen of the Magic and High King of the Albion. Two sides of the same coin. Thus says the prophecy. - Freya answered and looked at Arthur who gulped. He remembered Merlyn's words when he called him the Once and Future King, the greatest king of them all. King of Albion? Whole Albion? That was impossible. He was too shocked to react that the view changed again. He realised that few seconds after, when he heard his own voice. He glanced younger himself, who was standing next to Merlyn. It was Ealdor, after the fight. They were looking at Will's funeral pyre._

_- You knew he was a sorcerer, didn't you? That's what you were going to tell me? \- Younger Arthur asked, without looking at his servant. Merlyn had tears in her eyes, when she was looking at the pyre. _

_- Yes. It was. - She answered with sad voice, trying not to cry. She was lying. He knew that now. It was so obvious now, but back then he didn't see that... or didn't want to see. He was not sure which one was true. _

_ \- You know how dangerous magic is. You shouldn't've kept this from me, Merlyn. - He answered and after the while he went to see Gwen and Morgana. Merlyn was watching the pyre when Hunith came too her. Arthur couldn't believe that he said this to Merlyn, but then view changed again. It was when they tried to catch Anhora, the keeper of the unicorns.  _

_ \- My father has warned me about sorcerers like him. They will not rest until our kingdom is destroyed. - Arthur was so sure about it back then, his father said this, his father was never wrong, right? He believed that when he was younger. He looked at Uther as perfect example of King, but when he met Merlyn, that changed. When he started to see brutality of his father's actions.  _

_ \- Well, I believe he's telling the truth. \- Merlyn answered.  _

_ \- Then you're a fool. You cannot trust a single word a sorcerer says. You'd do well to remember that. \- Prince answered. Arthur wondered how he couldn't see Merlyn face back then. It was like punch for her. He wondered few minutes ago how could she think that she is a monster, but now he see. He wasn't quite helpful with changing her mind. He was telling her that every time. That Magic is evil, that it corrupted Morgana. He put her in the dungeons because her magic, like criminal.  _

_ \-  It is once again clear to me that those who practice magic are evil and dangerous. And that is thanks to you. - Again. His own voice. Telling Merlyn that Magic is evil. He looked at Merlyn, who smiled, but now he saw everything in her eyes. Her pain, when she heard his words, her despair, irony of that statement.  _

_ \- ...Glad I could help. - She answered and left the room. How often he confirmed her in her feelings that she is monster? Why he was seeing this? They wanted to make him guilty? Well.. well done. He felt guilt in his whole body, it paralysed him. Merlyn sacraficed everything for him, he loved her for that, but on the other hand he hurted her all the time and he even didn't know that. How could she be with him? Love him?  _

_ \- See... that broken child cannot be Queen. - Sigan said, ugh. Arthur hoped that the will shut up, but no. He had to say something.  _

_ \- You wanted her to be your Queen, what happened with that? - Freya answered and looked at him with raised brow. Arthur looked at Sigan with shock, but then he realised why Merlyn was so... strange, when she mentioned Sigan. He was... hitting on her! And Arthur treated her like nothing that day, that had to be tempting. Again, he felt so guilty. He sighed and looked at Merlyn, who was walking to Gaius's chambers.  _

_ \- Well... back then I saw powerful, strong, beautiful witch. - Sigan answered. - Now she is broken, scarred child with powers. She could be something, but now she is nothing. - he added with shug.  _

_ \- That is not true. - Arthur hissed and looked at Sigan, He grabbed him for the rags he wore and pulled to the wall. MERLYN WASN'T NOTHING. She... ment everything for him. He realised how much she was important for him when she was gone. There was no single day, which he was not thinking about her. Where is she, what is he doing, if she is safe. Even when he was angry about her magic... He looked in Sigan eyes with rage, he wanted to punch him so badly, but then he felt Freya's hand on his shoulder, he sighed and let Sigan free. He had to remember that is not real.  _

_ \- When would I see Merlyn? - Arthur hissed.  _

_ \- I think that you are ready. - Freya answered and waved her hand. View changed again.  _

 Leon and Gwaine gulped, when they realised what Filla meant that day. They used to think that is only high title, but now they realised that they wanted Merlyn to be their leader. To guide them. Merlyn had good heart, they knew that. They thought sometimes that she would be great Queen at Arthur's side. They all knew about their love and they knew that Arthur couldn't marry anyone else, they know that Merlyn sooner or later would be his Queen. That is key word. HIS Queen. Queen-wife. No Queen on herself. Merlyn was only girl from small village, she know nothing about being Queen, about strategy, leading.

\- Many magic-users don't see alternative. Joining Morgana in the Darkness or Dying on Camelot's Pyre. - Iseldir answered and looked at knights.

\- You want to show them other way, joining Merlyn against Morgana. - Leon guessed and looked at Iseldir. Probably many magic users didn't want join to Morgana, but they didn't see other way. They wanted Merlyn to step out from the shadows, to reveal herself as Freo, take her rightful place.

\- Yes, but she didn't want the crown. She didn't want power. More power than she already have. - Filla answered and sighed. Gwaine wasn't suprised. Merlyn was the last person that he knew, which would want power. She was so selfless... but he saw that situation and probably she won't have really choice in that, she could only delay inevitable. He wanted to say something, but then they heard someone coming. They all looked in the direction of tunnel, then they saw man at the entrence. Man in leather armor, with bag on his arm and staff in his hand. His hair was black, like his funny twisted mustache.  


\- Maybe I wasn't expecting welcoming party, but... well... I thought that at least I will see preperations for éadlufu. - Man said with smirk under his mustache. 

\- Alistair! - Filla exclaimed and stood up and ran to him, she jumped and hanged on his neck. 

\- Filla, good to see you my girl. What are you doing here? - He asked with little smile, but then he saw disappearing smile from nymph lips and he turned serious. He looked at Iseldir and realised that knights of Camelot are here. 

\- Where is Freo? - He asked with serious voice. 

\- She... she... was poisoned. - Filla answered unsure and stepped back. 

\- What?! You promised that you will protect her when she send me away! - Alistair exclaimed and looked at nymph with anger. 

\- Relax mate, you are not only one furious about that here. - Gwaine murmured, but then Iseldir rose and looked at Alistair. 

\- Calm down, Freo will be alright. - Iseldir said with calm and wise voice. 

\- I knew that I shouldn't leave her alone. - He hissed. - Let me guess, she was poisoned, protecting that prattish prince? - He looked at knights of Camelot with anger. He knew that Merlyn is Freo, that was clear, but Arthur Pendragon as Once and Future King? That was somekind of joke from fate. Why him?! Leon rose and took his sword. 

\- You can not insult our prince. - Leon answered. He was not Merlyn. Leon accepted after long while that Merlyn is insulting Arthur on every step, because he saw that Arthur is accepting that, but he couldn't allow that. Alistair rosed his hand in defence, he could use magic against two knights of Camelot, that was not problem for him, he'd done this before many times. They always thought that they could do something for him. 

\- Please, calm yourself down. Freo wouldn't want this. - Iseldir said, standing between them. They stared each other, but after while they stood back. Iseldir, Filla and Gwaine sighed with relief. Of course Gwaine would stand with Leon, but he wasn't fancy about it. 

\- Alistair of Cartha, left hand of Freo and her personal blood guard. - Alistair introduce himself and slightly bowed. 

\- Well.. Sir Gwaine and Sir Leon, Knights of Camelot. - Gwaine rolled his eyes. - There is no need of formality, we are all here for Merlyn, right? - he smirked, trying to relax the situation. Alistair gave him pale smile. Iseldir sat again and Filla returned to at her place, but then Gwaine raised his brow. 

\- You are from Cartha? - Gwaine asked, they heard about them in the time of his journeys. They were hard sons of a bitches. Masters of torture and other ugly things. If there was perfect example of what people in Camelot think about magic users, Cartha was this example. 

\- Yes, do you have too much ale in your ears? - Alistair murmured and took of his bag from the arm. 

\- You heard about me! - Gwaine answered with smile, ahh this fame. Alistair only rolled his eyes and sat on the Iseldir side.

\- All Cartha swored their loyalty to Freo as well as druids. - Iseldir explained and looked at Leon, who probably expect true answer. Iseldir saw that he wasn't trust Alistair. Everyone in Camelot heard about Cartha. Perfect example of Evil Sorcerers. - Tell me, how was your mission? - Iseldir asked and looked at Alistair.

\- Succesful. - He answered shortly, he was not fancy to talk about his mission in the presence of Knights of Camelot. He glanced at them, but then he looked at Filla. - Tell me where is Freo. 

\- She... is out. She died and when she was returning something went wrong. - Iseldir explained. 

\- WHAT?! - Alistair exclaimed. 

\- I performed ritual, which send Once and Future King to Freo's mind. - Iseldir added. Alistair snorted and shook his head. He knew that he should be at Merlyn side when all of this happened, he should went to her mind, check what is wrong. 

\- I don't see how that's any of your business. - Gwaine said and looked at Alistair, who glared at him as he could kill him. 

\- I swore on my blood to protect Freo, but she didn't want my protection, she send me on mission. I knew that was bad idea. - He hissed with anger, he blamed himself for what happened to Freo. - I'm going to join the vigil. - he murmured, he couldn't rest after the journey, knowing that Freo is in danger. He rose up and left them alone. Alistair knew that this kind of ritual would need a vigil, so he decided to join them. 

\- Forgive him, being blood guard of person that don't want guarding is quite difficult. - Filla answered and looked at knights. Leon and Gwaine realised what he felt. He was like knight to Merlyn, like they are knights to Arthur, they had to protect him, but sometimes Arthur was too stuborn and that was hard to protecting him, because he didn't want get his people killed, but... he was from Cartha. They could accept many things, but that was quite hard. How could Merlyn trust him? He was expert of torturing people, how druids could trust them! Druids always seemed to be peaceful people and they are in alliance with Cartha? 

 Alistair took the candle and burned it with simple spell and he joined the vigil,he looked at bodies of Freo and Once and Future King. He should be here, if he would be now they all would prepare themselves for éadlufu, everyone would be happy. And now? They all are here in fear. He saw on druid's faces that they are scared. Probably they are asking themselves what will happen with them, if their lady will be dead... and that was his fault. 

_ They were in his dungeons, dungeons in Camelot. He heard silent cry, he looked at Freya and Sigan. Lady of the lake waved her hand, encouraging him to go on. Sigan smirked, god Arthur hated that smile already, and he whispered only ' **Come and see** ' again. Arthur went to the cell, he knew which cell that was... that was cell where he hold Merlyn after he leanred about her magic. He saw her. She was on the ground, crying. He felt her thoughts, he didn't know how that was possible, but he felt that. That overwhelming feeling of self-hatred, shame, fear, despair... and acceptance. That was suprise for him. She accepted her fate. She... thought that she deserve it. That made him feel sick. He looked at her.  _

_ \- Merlyn. - He caughed her attention. She looked at him with shook in her eyes.  _

_ \- Arthur. - She whispered. - How? Are... are you dead? I failed?  _

_ Even now... she felt more fear about his fate than her.  _

_ \- No... I'm not dead. I came to take you out of here. - He answered.  _

_ \- No... no...no...no... - she was shaking her head and looked at her handcuffs. Arthur looked at his belt, he didn't know how it was possible, but he had keyes there, he opened the cell and entered, he knelt next to her.  _

_ \- Merlyn, look at me. - He said with calm voice, she raised her eyes. She was bitting her lips with fear. What did he want from her? - You have to come back. You can't be here. - Arthur whispered.  _

_ \- I deserve it. I'm monster, I'm killer... maybe I'm not this right side of mirror. I'm this broken side, even Morgana is better than me. - She answered and looked away. Arthur looked down, how could he not see that, that she is so broken?  _

_ \- No. That is no true. You are good Merlyn, You are light. - He answered and looked at her. She didn't know what to say, she glanced at her handcuffs and then looked directly in Arthur's eyes.  _

_ \- If you think that way... why you put me here? - She asked with tears in her eyes. She didn't believe him, that was somekind of cheap trick from her own mind. He wasn't here truly, he was just temptation to return to the world and destroy it even more. She was in fear of herself, of her powers. She wanted to find limit of her powers, but when she tried, she was doing something impossible, she couldn't find limit. Arthur gulped.  _

_ \- That was mistake. I'm sorry. I should be thanking you. - Arthur said, looking directly into her eyes.  _

_ \- Now I know that you are not real... - she smiled. - Arthur don't thanks. - She added. That was punch for him. He tried to remember when he thanked Merlyn for anything. He was always grateful and he told that few times, but when he said simple 'thank you'? Except the time, when he was thanking for making him believe that magic is evil? _

_ \- Leave me. - Merlyn said and rubbed her cheeks. _

_ \- No, I'm not going to leave you. Not now, not ever. - He answered and took her hands in his. - I'm here. I came to Iseldir, he performed ritual... I'm here. - he explained, thinking that she didn't know how he could be here. That got her attention. Merlyn realised that this can be true, Arthur could be really here. She didn't hear about that kind ritual, but that was possible, and thought that she didn't hear about it convinced her, because it was not from her mind.  
_

_ \- Why? - she asked.  _

_ \- Why? Why... what? - He didn't understand what she was asking.  _

_ \- Why are you here? Why did you come? - She answered. She didn't understand that. Why did he take the risk? Why did he go to the druids? Arthur gave her pale smile.  _

_ \- For you... - answer was simple and so clear. Merlyn started to cry and Arthur hugged her to his chest and started to rubbing her hair. Her tears was killing him, but he knew that he was the reason of her tears so he had to endure it.  _

_ \- I'm sorry Merlyn, for everything what I said, did too you. I know that I shouldn't ask about anything... but please, come back with me. - Arthur whispered and kissed gently her head. He wanted nothing more, only her to come back. Not even for him. She could hate him for everything he'd done, but he wanted her alive.  _

_ \- I..I... can't - she answered and moved away from him.  _

_ \- Please.  _

_ \- No Arthur, you don't understand... they... want me to be their Queen. To lead them. I can't. I can't do it alone. That is too much for me. I'm not a Queen, I'm damn wrench from small village, servant. I can polish armor and do laundry, but I don't know nothing about leading. - She answred and shook her head. She was too scared of responsibility for so many lives. Duty of protecting Arthur was sometimes too much for her, what about every magic-user?!  _

_ \- You can. You won't be alone. - He answered with certain voice. He was shocked that they want Merlyn as their Queen, sometimes he still didn't believe that Merlyn is Freo, but he didn't think about it now. - I will help you. Do you remember what I told my father, when he accused you of enchanting me? - he asked.  _

_ \- That... you renounce the throne. - She answered.  _

_ \- Because without you, it means nothing to me. - He answered with little smile. Merlyn laughed shortly.  _

_ \- Is this somekind of engagement? - Merlyn asked and Arthur rolled his eyes.  _

_ \- No, you idiot! - Arthur answered, her smile was sweet like honey, he almost forgot that.  _

_ \- Prat. - She answered and smiled. Arthur hugged her again.-  Promise me this, if you get another servant, don't get a bootlicker. \- She said with sad voice. She realised that even if she will come back, everything will be diffrent.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, for shorter chapter... It will be probably the last one, cuz from private reasons I won't be able to continue.  
> If somebody wants to know what I planned next I will write tommorow probably next 'chapter' where I will say in points what I planned. This is unchecked I didn't look for mistakes in this one, cuz I don't have time, but it is written so It would be shame to lose it. ;)  
> See ya in next 'chapter'.


	12. AN

Well... I'm alive.

Quite shocking actually.

I didn't expect that.

I was very sick, doctors didn't give me a chance to survive, but... well.

Like you can see I'm here.

Soo... this story will be continued, but not now.

Temporarily on hiatus.  


But I will come back! 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what are you thinking about it <3


End file.
